Whoopi Goldberg: Bleary "View"?

What's this, you say: Whoopi Goldberg defends Mel Gibson while on drugs?

Everybody relax.

So she had some relaxants to calm herself while on a flight and was still feeling the effects whilst taping her ABC show "The View".

Big freakin' whoop.

Like she's the only celebrity to ever do something like that while the cameras rolled.

At least she has a viable excuse...and at least she didn't hurt anybody...and at least she kept he clothes on.

My thinking is, Whoopi being the smart-aleck she is, could have found a lot more entertaining ways to explain her actions.

So in case she ever wants to redact the explanation she just gave, I have a few she can use that'll make ever better headlines than the ones she got:


"Anything I said under the influence of drugs should be ignored - I say much better things after a fifth of scotch."














"Why is everyone listening to me anyway; I convinced Ted Danson to dress up in blackface!"
















"It was the anniversary of the day I agreed to do that damned dinosaur movie thing, so I got totally schnockered."





"I won an Oscar; this is part of my downward spiral. Enjoy it.













"But some of my best friends are white; me and Michael Jackson were like THIS!" (crosses fingers)













"You realize you're quoting the opinion of someone who took their stage name from a farting rubber party favor, right?"





"I felt like The National Enquirer had been ignoring me lately...."


















...see, now wouldn't those have sounded even better?

I swear, people; I should be writing promo blurbs for these celebrities' Twitter pages. Their hits'd go through the roof!

Whoopi - call me. I have a million more.

Dope out.

- TGWD