Is It Too Much To Ask...? (MST3K Edition)

Since I tried (and failed) to get the attention of no less than Jerry Lewis with my previous posting in this vein, I thought it might be a good idea to take a moment and think about what went wrong....

Then it came to me: Jer's a busy man and he probably doesn't have the time to surf the Web and check out the postings of every good Samaritan who comes along and wants to help him preserve his comedic and filmic genius.

Like me.

And you know what? Fair enough. It's not like I'm redacting my previous post and denying my aid to him. Far from it - Mister Lewis, you're still out there and have read my post offering my services, please consider my offering.

But in the meantime, I will offer a like service to some other comedic geniuses.

The minds behind my favorite television show of all time, "Mystery Science Theater 3000".

Briefly for the uninitiated, MST3K (for brevity) was a show that featured the semi-evil Dr. Forrester (Trace Beaulieu) and his experimentation on both Joel Robinson (Joel Hodgson) and Mike Nelson (Mike Nelson), separately, in forcing them to watch the worst films ever made. Both men make the best of the situation by riffing on every films shown. But they have the help of man-made robots Tom Servo (Kevin Murphy), Crow T. Robot (Trace Beaulieu or Bill Corbett, depending on which season you see) and Gypsy (Jim Mallon or Patrick Brantseg, again, depending on the season).

Every episode was worth watching, worth laughing out loud with and, for 198 episodes, fans all over the world did just that, whether it was on the Comedy Network, Comedy Chanel or Sci Fi Channel.

Any MSTie fan worth their weight has seen each and every episode ever made. All of them, that is, except for two or three.

You see, besides the ten nationally televised seasons of this classic series, there is also a season known as "Season 0". This was broadcast on local Minneapolis TV station KTMA and consisted of 21 episodes of funny stuff and bad movies. The titles consisted of such "classics" as these:

K04 Gamera vs. Barugon
An egg yields a mutant lizard named Barugon which fights the giant turtle Gamera.

K05 Gamera
A nuclear explosion awakens a giant turtle, which goes on a rampage but is befriended by a boy.

K06 Gamera vs. Gyaos
Gamera fights the pterodactyl-like Gyaos.

K07 Gamera vs. Zigra
Gamera fights a shark-like alien named Zigra.

K08 Gamera vs. Guiron
Gamera saves two boys from brain-eating aliens and the monster Guiron.

K09 Phase IV
Weird cosmological phenomena cause ants in Arizona to go on a rampage.

K10 Cosmic Princess
A re-edit of two Space: 1999 episodes, "The Metamorph" and "Space Warp". Moonbase Alpha encounters an evil scientist with phenomenal destructive powers and his shapeshifting daughter, who joins the Moonbase crew but later proves to be a danger to them.

K11 Humanoid Woman
Astronauts probing an abandoned spaceship find a female clone whose planet is threatened by pollution and a dictatorship.

K12 Fugitive Alien
Starwolf Ken casts his lot with the Earthling crew of Bacchus 3. See 310 Fugitive Alien for details.

K13 SST: Death Flight
A transatlantic SST has inflight problems thanks to "repairs" by a disgruntled engineer, and the plane is not allowed to make an emergency landing because of a flu virus carton that's been blown open. This 1977 made-for-TV disaster movie features an all-star cast.

K14 Mighty Jack
Dubbed Japanese adventure show about top-secret organization "Mighty Jack" and their identically-named flying submarine.

K15 Superdome
A terrorist threatens the Super Bowl in New Orleans. Stars Tom Selleck, David Janssen, Van Johnson, Donna Mills, Clifton Davis, Edie Adams, and a few ex-football stars.

K16 City on Fire
Disaster film centered on a hospital as an oil refinery explosion ignites an entire town. An all-star cast includes Henry Fonda, Ava Gardner, Shelley Winters, and Leslie Nielsen.

K17 Time of the Apes
Dubbed Japanese movie about a woman and two kids taking refuge in cryogenic capsules, only to awake in a world populated by apes. See 306 Time of the Apes for details.

K18 The Million Eyes of Sumuru
A female villain plans to take over the world. Stars Frankie Avalon and Shirley Eaton.

K19 Hangar 18
A Space shuttle experiment accidentally kills an astronaut and downs a UFO, which is captured by the military and transferred to a hangar in West Texas for analysis. Eager to win re-election, the President keeps the UFO secret and casts blame at the surviving astronauts, who go on a quest to blow the lid on the coverup.

K20 The Last Chase
In a Mad Max-type future, America has no gas and an ex-racecar driver makes his way to California. Stars Lee Majors and Burgess Meredith.

K21 Legend of the Dinosaurs
Seismic activity around Mount Fuji awakens hibernating dinosaurs, who go on a rampage.

...now, the astute among you will have noticed that, while this list indeed ends with the number "21", there are only eighteen episodes listed. And right you are; of the 21 episodes made, only 18 have ever been...well, let's just say "made available".

The first three episodes of Season 0 are these:

K01 Invaders from the Deep
Movie version of Gerry & Sylvia Anderson's Supermarionation puppet series Stingray, about the eponymous super-submarine operated by the World Aquanaut Security Patrol (WASPs), fighting aquatic creatures who attempt to take over the planet.

K02 Revenge of the Mysterons from Mars
Movie version of Gerry & Sylvia Anderson's Supermarionation puppet series Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons, a space adventure about an international intelligence agency trying to save the earth from destruction by aliens.

K03 Star Force: Fugitive Alien 2
Starwolf Ken and the Bacchus 3 crew are on a mission to destroy a secret weapon.

Apparently the other episodes are only available because some enterprising TV viewers in the Minneapolis area had their VCRs at the ready and recorded the episodes we (MSTies) know and love. These first three, however, seem to have escaped most peoples' recorders and/or radar.

Which means that the only ones who have these episodes would, logically, be the original producers of the KTMA season of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" - in this case, Joel Hodgson and Jim Mallon.

And so, to these fine gentlemen, I offer this proposal:

Dear Mr. Hodgson and/or Mr. Mallon:

I know that both of you have plenty on your respective plates, what with individual projects and maintaining your busy lives of comedic and professional fulfillment. I also know that in order to keep tabs on the voluminous original masters of the many episodes of this classic show that you have created, the most precious of your collection would be the as-yet-unseen-by-modern-viewers KTMA episodes K01 through K03.

My proposal is that, with these particular episodes, entrust them to me and I will be more than happy to recopy them onto my own supply of DVD stock so that, not only do these original masters lose none o their original luster, but in case (God forbid) any of the originals get irreparably damaged, you will know someone who will have copies that are just as good and as unharmed as when they were first produced.

If this is an idea that appeals to you and would be agreeable to putting your minds at ease as to these irreplaceable classic episodes' safety, please contact me through this site and I will send you my mailing address and postage-paid envelopes to send your originals to me, after which, I will be able to hold up my end of the bargain.

If you have any questions or concerns, please contact me as soon as you are able.

Now, if the boys are agreeable, I can then get the nerve necessary to contact the White House about safekeeping those pesky audio tapes they seem to have trouble guarding around the Nixon era. They have enough to worry about in Washington anymore.

Dope out.

- TGWD