Foreign Poster Atrocities #12

Other countries have many gifts they give to their neighbors all over the globe. Some give tasty regional cuisine. Others give beautiful styles of clothing. Even more share languages that are as beautiful to listen to as they are romantic to speak.

Then they give us movie posters that are altogether inexplicable; that give us night sweats in their astounding overwork of simplistic basics like color, composition, content and so forth.

And even more are just plain atrocious.

THOSE are the ones I look for. And business is good.

Join me now as I converse with ever-present figurehead Jeff as we dissect another one....

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JEFF - Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the rockin' sounds of WARRA... hey, wait a minute.

TGWD - See what happens when a band changes their lineup too many times?

JEFF - Play "Cherry Pie"!! Woo!

TGWD - Not to worry; Captain Mandrake is here to arrest them for impersonating a glam rock band.

JEFF - How dare they sully the intellectual property of Dr. Strangelove!

TGWD - When the lawyers for Stanley Kubrick's estate take a smoke break, people take advantage.

TGWD - You ignore India, you're leaving the door open for a whole world of copyright infringement.

JEFF - These copyright lawyers have their hands full anyway, watching Turkey and Italy and Germany and Pakistan and all those other countries who make unofficial sequels to Star Wars and Alien and Indiana Jones and so forth.

TGWD - No one ever makes unofficial sequels to bad films.

JEFF - David DeCoteau has that covered; and he's multi-national, so they can't touch him.

JEFF - Smart guy.

TGWD - So apparently Warrant cover bands know no nationalities.

JEFF - I can't wait to hear their covers of such Warrant standards as "Devanand"!

TGWD - "zBLOTCHEDOUTBYTHEFLASHman!"

JEFF - "Ajit!"

TGWD - "Pran!"

JEFF - ...And many more! On their new best-selling album, "ARC"!

TGWD - I'll bet you anything their music is still being pressed out on vinyl records.

JEFF - Oh? You think their technology's advanced so far?

TGWD - Judge not a people's advancements by their way of dress.

TGWD - I love their bright green backup singers.

JEFF - Man, those girls seem so jaded.

TGWD - Boo.

TGWD - This is one of the most colorful posters we've done here, I think. Good use of blues and yellows and greens and reds....

JEFF - And that's just the guy's dress.

JEFF - The girl has him beat on style, though.

TGWD - Isn't she going to get in trouble; she's showing an awful lot of forearm.

JEFF - She's an outlaw rocker, man. She lives on the edge. She invites challenges to centuries of tradition.

TGWD - Her idol is probably Ice Cube.

JEFF - You mean the rapper, or the frozen block of water?

TGWD - That'd be ironic, seeing as he used to be so anti-establishment and now here he is making feel-good family comedies.

JEFF - Trading uzis for water guns.

JEFF - What a sell-out.

TGWD - Not these guys, though. They're a cover band, sure, but they're true to their roots.

JEFF - If someone in the audience yelled out, "Sometimes She Cries", they'd be there for 'em.

TGWD - Arms in the air like they don't care.

JEFF - Keepin' it real for their homies in Ahmedabad.

TGWD - Peter Sellers tryin' to keep 'em down.

JEFF - Workin' their gangrous singing girls.

TGWD - I bet they rock the air guitar.

JEFF - Me, I'm looking forward to their European tour with Pakistani Mötley Crüe.

TGWD - Rock on, Indian Warrant.

JEFF - Play "Tenjiku Isn't Too Far Away"!

TGWD - Wonder which one of them is Indian Jani Lane....

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Another one next month, as long as you (and the world community) can stand it.

Dope out.

- TGWD