The Worst Posters EVER!!! Part 1

What in the...ANOTHER series???

Yes, as a matter of fact, it is. I see that, even with my Foreign Poster Atrocities, I have neglected to notice the really really bad movie posters that come from the shores of the good old U.S. of A.

Be proud, America: we have some home-grown crap to be proud of. In fact, some of the stuff we have puts Turkey to shame.

Almost.

It's a toss-up, honestly.

In this series, I hope to shed light on some of the really lousy choices for movie posters made to represent our own movies by our own artists. No outsourcing here, people - this is the real deal. Badness personified.

I think five at a time will space this series out nicely, don't you? Good, as long as we're in agreement...let's start!
























CORKY ROMANO

Really? This is how you want to advertise your big comedy movie? Chris Kattan's big ugly head with its big ugly teeth bared at the viewer while his big ugly eyes glare into your vulnerable soul, waiting for a moment of weakness to strike? Really? Using big heads to do your advertising never works. Unless it's a horror movie... and Corky almost qualifies for horror, but only because people ran out of the theater screaming.

























BODY ROCK

This poster represents everything that was wrong with the Eighties. Big hair. Sleeveless shirts. Neon stripes racing across the sky. Breakdancers. Lorenzo Lamas. Huge people towering over small city-scapes. And improper word usage. The dream? It's a dream: Everybody's got a dream. But here I am nitpicking grammar in a poster where an even-worse offense is its pink lettering, which is fine if your movie stars Molly Ringwald. This one doesn't.

























SUPERMAN III

Let's forget for a minute this is a sequel. Let's even forget that it doesn't have Gene Hackman. When your superhero movie has Richard Pryor as its biggest drawing card, and your poster shows him being gingerly flown across the Grand Canyon by our Boy in Blue himself, it's probably a good idea for Supes to fly backwards around the world and stop this artist before he goes anywhere near his Crayolas.
























GOOD LUCK CHUCK

Not that this was the best idea for a comedy to begin with, I simply refused to see it because this poster brought back long-repressed memories of that damned Rolling Stone cover with a naked John Lennon clinging to Yoko Ono. Curse you, poster guy, for equating Jessica Alba with Yoko, but thanks loads for keeping Dane Cook in underwear at least. I still won't see the movie, though, because of this poster. Dane Cook MAY get naked - I won't take that chance.
























FIRED UP

Heyyyy...that poster swore at me! Heh heh heh...totally funny, dude. It has an "F" and a "U". Cool. Heh heh heh. Cool. Funny. Heh heh heh....

(sorry, I suddenly turned into the grade schooler who came up with this poster idea.)

Stay tuned for the next installment... I think I may be able to come across another giant head and at least one Christopher Lambert!

Dope out.

- TGWD