1. Lindsay Lohan - Drug dealers in the greater California area have lodged a "cease and desist" order against Lindsay Lohan today so that they may have an opportunity to replenish their stock. "Besides which," one anonymous dealer admitted in a printed release, "the Skid Row addicts were starting to complain".
2. Diane Lane - Still has a vibrant career in Hollywood in spite of no one quite remembering who she is.
3. George Lopez - SEE: Diane Lane
4. Tsunami debris - Enjoying a resurgence in popularity, these two words have leapt far ahead of such classic combinations as "Tornado fragments", "Flood rubbish", "Earthquake offal" and the once top-choice "Monsoon crap".
5. Holy Saturday - "Robin, judging from the latter parts of torn calenders and "X"s through all the Friday dates, it looks like we're up against our old enemy: The Weekender." "Holy Saturday, Batman!"
6. Dev Patel - There are some people who decry the outlandish lack of consonants when it comes to names. Christabel Paskawych-Karbashewsky is expected to voice a rebuttal within the hour.
7. John McCain - Still alive. Film at 11.
8. Green energy - Scientists are working around the clock to create a viable power source by pulverizing lettuce, old cheese and Dennis Rodman's hair and pouring the combination in a gas tank. To date, no luck.
9. 2011 Car Of The Year - Detroit announced their pride and joy of the year today: a vehicle that gets 75 miles per gallon, an easily accessible and maintainable engine, cheap accessories and can comfortably seat a family of four, all for under $5000. Detroit then burst out laughing, screamed "PUNKED!" and ran out of the showroom.
10. Ryan Braun - Once popular fixture among electric razor enthusiasts, Ryan has alienated a large group of followers upon the announcement of completion of his now 10-foot long beard.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
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