Foreign Poster Atrocities #21

When it comes to the on-going magic in these evil, twisted posters and how easy it seems to be to comment on them, all I can say is that it takes a special kind of Foreign Poster to attract the name "Atrocity" to it.

And I seem to be able to find them month after month. Amazing.

I see Jeff is back after setting up the next leg of Charlie Sheen's live tour, so let's begin with our latest installment.

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JEFF - Gee, what a pretty sunset they have going on in the back of their life-and-death struggle.

TGWD - In space, no one can appreciate a nice sunset.

JEFF - Hey, we did that shtick for the last Alien poster they gave us.

TGWD - So? We're running a theme here.

JEFF - Well, as long as some common thread is available in these things....

TGWD - Actually those aren't bad representations of Sigourney Weaver and...uh...

TGWD - What's the kid's name again?

JEFF - Oh. Uh...

TGWD - Ah-ah! No Google-ing!

JEFF - Aw come on...

TGWD - Nope; you either know her or you don't.

JEFF - And I suppose you do?

TGWD - Nope. No one does.

JEFF - Boy, the kids in these big-budget blockbusters sure get the short shrift don't they?

TGWD - It's not like they have the best agents, either.

JEFF - I just know her as Newt.

TGWD - As does the rest of the world.

JEFF - Poor kid.

TGWD - In space, no one can remember your name.

JEFF - This looks about as good as your average coloring book page, just pre-colored for you.

JEFF - How thoughtful.

TGWD - That's probably what they did here; just did a freeze-frame on the film, drew an outline on the screen they were showing it on then just cut the screen down and got out their Crayolas.

JEFF - Wouldn't put it past the Teshie Lovers or Rolls Royce or whoever did it this time.

TGWD - Hey! It's Ziggy!

JEFF - Ziggy?? I love that little guy!

TGWD - My mom collected all his cartoons and even had a t-shirt that had him on it with his big, dopey, open-mouthed smile, saying "Have You Hugged YOURSELF Today?"

TGWD - I had a Ziggy mug I drank my cocoa in when it was cold outside. Little mini-marshmallows and Ziggy....

JEFF - I never knew he was an artist, though.

TGWD - That explains why the alien attacking Sigourney and What's-Er-Name is NOT the alien from Aliens.

TGWD - In space, no one knows what aliens look like.

JEFF - It looks like a friendlier version of one of those monsters from any given hard rock album cover...

JEFF - Only this one isn't mean and evil...

TGWD - Sure, he's big and green but lookit him: he has his arms out for a hug.

TGWD - He kinda looks like Dino jumping on Fred Flintstone to give him a big slobbery dino tongue bath.

JEFF - In fact, this is all so cute, that's probably why they had to put "This Time It's War" underneath their title.

TGWD - Afterthought.

JEFF - Yep.

TGWD - Like how they have "Video" under Ziggy's name on the other side.

JEFF - But in parentheses?

TGWD - I like it; it sets the name apart.

JEFF - Well, set yours apart.

TGWD - Good one - they'll never guess what that one's from.

JEFF - We are so subversive in our commentary.

TGWD - Yes, we are; we deserve an award or something.

JEFF - Yeah.

TGWD - ...

TGWD - So, anything else we want to say about this poster before we toss it over in the corner with the others?

JEFF - Besides the fact that it looks like Sigourney's neck was borrowed from a boxer turtle?

TGWD - Or What's-Er-Name hanging onto her has elephantiasis of the left hand?

JEFF - Or...

TGWD - Leelee Sobieski!

JEFF - Huh?

TGWD - The little girl! Leelee Sobieski!

JEFF - What are you...

TGWD - Look at her! The face; that's Leelee Sobieski!

JEFF - Leelee Sobieski wasn't in Aliens.

TGWD - I know that, but that's where they got her face from! Leelee Sobieski! The hair and everything!!

JEFF - Ohhh, I get what you're meaning now; since Ziggy didn't know what What's-Er-Name looked like...

TGWD - And he probably just rented The Glass House or Jungle 2 Jungle...

JEFF - And just figured, "Meh, one kid face is as good as the next," and scribbled her in!

TGWD - We have these guys figured out.

JEFF - Almost eerie, ain't it?

TGWD - I feel like Kreskin sometimes.

TGWD - Or John Edward.

JEFF - Miss Cleo?

TGWD - No...

JEFF - Johnny Smith!

TGWD - Who...?

JEFF - Stephen King reference.

TGWD - Ah. Shoulda seen that one coming.

JEFF - Gotta admit; they're good at pretty sunsets.

TGWD - Yeah. Life and death alien struggles, not so much.

JEFF - In space, no one can hear Leelee Sobieski scream.

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That was a good one. Gotta remember to choose one that's a tad less artistic next time; that one slipped by us.

I'm sure that won't be a problem.

Till next time, Dope (and Jeff) out.

- TGWD