The Dope's NOT On DVD Roundup!

New feature time today, kids.

I figured this is something that a few of you out there will appreciate, if you're anything like me (if so, one strike against you). Anyway; if you are a hunter and collector of DVDs as I am, you're always wondering what is out there and what there is available to get your grubby little mitts on.

This being said, this is one Dope that is never on top of things like what is coming out and what is ready to be bought - I'm never up on just-released DVDs - SURPRISE! - but if there is one thing that I AM up on, it's the UNavailable discs.

SO.

I shall now present to you my top 10 choices of movies that, for whatever reason, licensing or whatever, are NOT available as Region 1 US DVDs commercially. PLEASE note the usage of the last five words in the previous sentence: those are crucial to the list, so don't come complaining to me that you can bootleg this or download a decent dub of that - I don't know about you, but I certainly do not condone such abhorrent activity and likewise suggest that you do not do so as well.

(and now that THAT'S over with...)

On with the list!

10. The African Queen (1951)

Okay, pick your jaw up off of the ground, I'm just as surpised with this one as you. A classic, yes. Humphrey Bogart, yes. Katherine Hepburn, yes. Directed by John Huston, yes. But as of this writing, not available on DVD. Why is anyone's guess, but I did manage to capture this quote from Wikipedia:

The film has been released in the United States on VHS video, but not region 1 DVD as of the present. However, a region 1 DVD is available and distributed by The Castaways Pictures and has English and Chinese subtitles available with no other features. It is not clear if this is authorized or not. While Granada International holds international rights, the underlying U.S. rights are held by CBS (whose Viacom predecessor acquired the rights from copyright holder Horizon Film Management in the 1970s, and for a time in the 1980s, 20th Century Fox had the U.S. rights until Viacom re-acquired the film in 1997).

Viacom-owned Paramount Pictures (acting on behalf of CBS, the former parent - and later a subsidiary - of Viacom) currently handles U.S. theatrical distribution rights. It can often be found on either Turner Classic Movies or pay-per-view.

Paramount has since confirmed that restoration work for region 1 is underway for future`DVD issue.

Take that for what it's worth, I guess.


9. Brewster McCloud (1970)

A shocker, this: I simply took for granted that all of Robert Altman's films were on DVD. He certainly had quite the repertoire (M*A*S*H, Nashville, The Player, Gosford Park) and more than his share of both hits and flops, but for a film as intensely different and stunning as this one (young boy lives in the Houston Astrodome, believes he is a bird and tries to fly, leading to an amazing denouement) to not be on DVD is hard to believe. We're talking film history here, people. And Brewster McCloud isn't the ONLY film by Altman not to be on DVD. Stay tuned....





8. Let It Be (1970)

A group as influential and as volatile as The Beatles certainly makes its own history, and leaves behind a certain legacy. Some of it even filmic. This was a documentary dealing with the recording of what would be their last album together as a group. That in itself was historic. So, why no DVD release? Hard to say; could have something to do with the group members/survivors/lawyers/producers/etc. not being able to agree on distribution rights, royalties and so forth.

Me, I blame Yoko.



7. Crimewave (1985)

Sam Raimi is cool. I paid attention to him as far back as before The Evil Dead caught on and happened to catch this one on Cinemax one night. I was enthralled; it's a very bizarre comic tale of two grotesque criminals on a murder and mayhem spree and all the twists and turns therein. This was Raimi's first experience with a big studio and their interference on this film almost resulted in the thing never being finished and/or distributed. Somehow, it got a DVD release in Europe and other regions, just not here. Boo, studio suits. Boo.





6. Godzilla 1985 (1984)

Yeah, I know: a Godzilla movie that isn't on DVD in the States! What's the deal with that? For one thing, for as bad as the movie itself was (and it WAS bad, trust me on that), it was much better in its original, Japanese, non Raymond-Burr version, as many will attest the original 1954 Gojira was. Whatever the case, this is one DVD that is readily available everywhere else BUT here. Unless you got your VHS tape of it way back when, you may have to bum that streaky, static-laced, wrinkled-in-spots tape off a Godzilla-happy pal of yours to see Big Green raid again.




5. The Man Who Wasn't There (1983)

What's this? What is a stupid 3-D slapstick comedy doing lumped in with the likes of Robert Altman, John Huston and Godzilla? Well, just like them, this is one of the many films that never again saw the light of day after its initial release. This sappy Canadian excuse for a tax-shelter dodge not only had questionable comedy but also the likes of a boxer-wearing Steve Guttenberg (a year before Police Academy rescued his career, so to speak), a Russian-accented Jeffrey Tambor and several recognizable Canadian character actors in tow, complete with a climactic wedding where the invisible bride and groom suddenly turn visible and slink off to their limo starkers while the wedding assemblage laughs and applauds.

They were the only ones, brother. But still, if Shark Boy and Lava Girl can get a DVD....


4. North (1994)

Another baddie, and by Rob Reiner, of all people. Yeah, he made good films like When Harry Met Sally, The Princess Bride, Sleepless in Seattle and Misery, but also this treacly tripe of a perfect young boy (the usually perfect Elijah Wood) who divorces his parents and goes on a world-wide, star-studded search for new parents. And Bruce Willis appears several times throughout to offer sage advice. Not a winning combination for a good movie, and it did very bad business and got even worse word-of-mouth. But that doesn't always negate a pressing to DVD; just look at your lineup at the local video store. Some will just get the DVD to see if it really is that bad. And I can't say I'd blame them.


3. Penn & Teller Get Killed (1989)

Yes, that Penn and Teller. Directed by Arthur Penn (no relation to Penn Jillette). This is one oddball of a movie, but also one that I can very much see The Bad Boys of Magic having a great time writing, filming and starring in. And also the first time many of you will get to hear Teller speak! Right there is a good reason to put in on DVD! It is weird, be warned, and does follow through on the initial premise set forth by its title, but it is also something you have to see to believe. Is that a recommendation for anyone out there? Hmmm....





2. So Fine (1981)

Many of you my age (40s) will recognize that title if you saw any of the movie channels. It played almost daily in a loop from HBO to Cinemax to The Movie Channel to Showtime and back again. Starring Ryan O'Neal (who's never been finnier since), Jack Warden and Richard Kiel (!) in a comedy about jeans with a transparent seat, this was Andrew Bergman's debut directing turn and worth every laugh (he wrote, too) and it's criminal this never got a release on DVD! Ever! I know; you don't have to tell me! Sheesh!!





1. Vibes (1988)

Another oddball, not only was this written by Ron Howard film stalwarts Lowell Ganz and Babaloo Mandel, it also starred Jeff Goldblum and was the feature debut of Cyndi Lauper - they play psychics who are recruited by a shady character (played by no less than Peter Falk!) to find a lost city of gold in South America. It's all-out comedy, but one that never clicked, onscreen or with its audience. Everyone seems to be off somewhat, but that's not the worse thing a comedy can do - it certainly commits no other worse crimes than that - and STILL has not been seen outside of its initial release on VHS. Maybe Goldblum paid someone off...?


And so there you go: ten of 'em. 10. Five plus five.

Are any of them worth putting on DVD? One or two, maybe - but all of them? Probably not, but look at all the copies of White Chicks and Assault of the Killer Bimbos littering the shelves out there. Is it asking too much to see at least ONE copy of The African Queen?

I think not.

My public service for the day is done. If this goes well and gets a good response, I may do this every so often. We'll see, you know how I am about these things.

Dope out.

-TGWD