Brazilian Star Wars - aka: Os Trapalhões na Guerra dos Planetas (1978)

When it comes to foreign films, there are some which are so beautiful, so artistic and so deeply moving that they stretch across borders and language barriers and become a part of us.

One just has to look at the films of Fellini, De Sica, Eisenstein and Kurosawa to know what I'm talking about. It's all in how the stories are told.

When it comes to Star Wars films, there are also some which are so beautiful, so artistic and so deeply moving that they blahblahblah...

I've seen all the Star Wars films and any subsequent spin-offs, rip-offs, and other -offs...even the detestable Ewok TV specials, which I refuse to comment on or review. I'm keeping a promise to myself on those things.

Now I've already discussed all of the Star Wars films, The Star Wars Holiday Special, Star Wars: The Clone Wars and even posted that video a few years ago where Star Wars was acted out just using peoples' hands. And I've also commented at length on Turkish Star Wars (Dunyayi Kurturan Adam).

It's funny, but other countries look at our movies with a little bit of the Green-Eyed Monster, wanting a taste of our success and spin-off potential. And why not - they've sure given it the ol' proverbial try on several occasions, and I'll get to them all in due time. Hey, I'm only one guy....

But in speaking on both Star Wars AND foreign films, I now turn my attentions to Brazil who, just one year after Star Wars came out, rallied back with their own Brazilian version; Os Trapalhões na Guerra dos Planetas (i.e. - The Tramps in the Planet War).

Uh...Tramps?

And no, that doesn't really sound like a serious title for a serious reflection of the Star Wars mythos filtered through another country's sensibilities. After all, Turkish Star Wars tried to make their story as serious as possible; it's not their fault they were fighting Muppets and mummies most of the time.

I better not get too far ahead, though - I have some back story to get to yet:

HISTORY LESSON: the Traplahões (Tramps) of the title, named Dedé, Mussum, Didi and Zacarias, seem to date back in their adventures in Brazilian TV and cinema as far back as 1965 and have shared billing with the likes of Aladdin, Ali Baba, Robin Hood, the Wizard of Oz, Cinderella and, logically, fellow Brazilian Xuxa. Now they are thrust into the farthest reaches of outer space with aliens, villains and a bevy of space babes.

This time out, the Tramps have just finished an extensive car chase with lots of slapstick, slow-motion crashes and extensive mugging by our heroes and are camping out overnight with their trusty dune buggy. One of them nearly gets immolated by a turtle with a candle on its back (that's Brazil for you), but they are then visited by two soup bowls glued together they pretend is a spaceship. It opens up and out comes Prince Flik (Pedro Aguinaga - he's supposed to be a Brazilian Luke Skywalker, but I dunno...) who pleads with them to help his planet secure a "brain computer" that is supposed to help their people (come up with better names than Flik, I'd hope) and in the process destroy the evil Zuco (Carlos Kurt - he's supposed to be a Brazilian Darth Vader, but I dunno...) and his evil soldiers and make the galaxy safe for truth, justice and the Brazilian way. Along the way they come across a Jheri-Curled 7-foot tall creature named Bonzo (Emil Rached - he's supposed to be a Brazilian Chewbacca, but I dunno...), four pastel-and-chiffon-clad sexy girls with ‘70s hair, giant spiders, eggs filled with Gay Pride festival dancers, non-existent special effects and then there’s the dialogue.

Oh, the dialogue! Kids, I gotta tell you, there has been no worse translation of one language into another since The Castaways got hold of The African Queen. It’s Portuguese, natch, but then it’s subtitled for us poor dumb Amerikaaners in a way that, when read aloud, makes the whole thing sound dumber than it actually is (and it was dumb enough to begin with). We get subtitles worthy of Kung-Fu movies in some instances.

Examples? Tramp Didi insults his thick-headed companions with this line:

"You're all adaptable, insecure, assumed."

And then Tramp Mussum explains what his ideal diet would consist of:

“If I ate fruit, everyone would be all over me. Now, if I ate sand my stocks would plunge.”

How could ANYONE make something like that up?

There's an awful lot of slapstick fighting here as well, as if it were the universal language of galaxies: we are bonded by our knowledge of Moe, Larry and Curly. Prince Flik, Bonzo and the Tramps land on Flik's home planet in the middle of a battle between Brazilian Sand People and Brazilian Jawas around little miniaturized igloos, and everything erupts into a huge slapstick fight with crossed eyes, slow-motion punches and people falling down.

Another scene in an alien Brazilian dance club (outside of which Didi takes some guns from a gun salesman, evaporates a half-dozen aliens then threatens the salesman - 'cuz it's funny) has the Tramps dancing around with the pastel girls and everything erupts into a huge slapstick fight with crossed eyes, slow-motion punches and people falling down.

Then, in a climactic face-off with Zuco/Brazilian Darth Vader, he is zapped with a freeze ray so that he’s immobile and everything erupts into a huge slapstick fight with crossed eyes, slow-motion punches and people falling down. As this goes on, Didi spends his time kicking Zuco, putting funny hats on him, dancing with him, and so on...and did I mention Didi was the only one of them with a GUN? If the Bowery Boys ever made a Star Wars ripoff, this would be a close resemblance to it.

Yet, is it any good?

Okay...forget good: is it worth watching?

Depends on who you ask, really.

I guess if you're a huge Star Wars fan this wouldn't be your cup of tea. Then again, I am a big Star Wars fan and I've seen everything that has to do with Star Wars (as my postings here will attest to) and with said taste firmly on record, I guess you can pretty much say I enjoyed myself. Yeah, if you can survive The Star Wars Holiday Special, you can pretty much stomach anything.

This is fun in a Three Stooges kind of way. It's all about as light as a soap bubble and just as transparent in its intentions. Silliness is the key here, and there's nothing really offensive about what's on display here. Offensive in a blood-and-guts/frontal nudity/Quentin Tarantino-level profanity way, I mean. Purists who worship the ground Bail Organa walks on may be slightly more offended.

As comedic actors, the Tramps hold their own. As they had for decades, really - they are more or less beloved icons in Brazil and outstanding examples of the old school fall-down funny example of humor. In fact, if you love goofy faces and buffoonery in general and have never heard of the Tramps before this, seek them out. You shant be disappointed.

If you like Star Wars, though...well, you'd better search your true feelings on the Holiday Special before you see this.

Writer/director Adriano Stuart has written and directed a few of these Traplahões movies, indeed, and seems to know a formula when he comes up with it: introduce a familiar movie, put the Tramps in the middle of it then watch as everything erupts into a huge slapstick fight with crossed eyes, slow-motion punches and people falling down. Many of you may find Stuart's name more familiar if you're a devoted fan of the obscure and the b-level of love as we here are, though. Adriano Stuart was also the writer, director and one of the actors in that classic of modern film Kung Fu Contra as Bonecas, aka: Bruce Lee versus Gay Power.

Listen to that: I just heard hundreds of searches hit Google for Brazilian Star Wars movie with that realization alone.

May the Força be with you.