Foreign Poster Atrocities #19

You know what; it's getting to the point where these Foreign Poster Atrocities practically write themselves; I just find the poster and the rest of the article just pops out of nowhere.

Amazing as that sounds.

Anyway, now that Jeff is here with us, we shall begin...now.

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JEFF - ARRRGH! Someone cut the head off my doll!

TGWD - The big city's no place for a man and his porcelain doll.

JEFF - Arnold Schwarzenegger's gonna be mad that this guy took his best commando clothes.

TGWD - Hold on...let's forget a second what the title of this movie is there....

JEFF - Okay....

TGWD - Keep it on hold for a second.

JEFF - Holding....

TGWD - Now: Those buildings behind him; aren't they from Inception?

JEFF - Looks it; the way they're all folding in on each other makes it look like a train should be barreling past any second.

TGWD - Which would make the guy here Leo DiCaprio.

JEFF - With a mullet.

JEFF - And abs.

JEFF - And a doll's head.

TGWD - And it looks like he got Kenneth Branagh's beard from Wild Wild West.

JEFF - Someone oughta get some use out of that.

JEFF - I just noticed his belt; it's made out of wood.

TGWD - You have to be tough to wear a belt made out of two planks.

TGWD - Takes a man of special timber.

JEFF - Nice.

TGWD - What gets me is that he's wearing a strap-thingy of bullets but doesn't have a gun. Just a knife.

JEFF - That's one of those James Bond weapons: one side's a knife, one side's a gun.

JEFF - Isn't that just like a guy; bringin' a knife to a gun f...BANG!

TGWD - Oh look; this Rolls Royce thing is trying to muscle in on the title.

JEFF - Deadly Prey: Rolls Royce. This car is fresh off of the showroom - of DEATH!

TGWD - It runs on the blood of the innocent!

JEFF - This car will drive you...to HELL!

TGWD - Now, I've seen Deadly Prey.

JEFF - Me too.

TGWD - There's no doll heads in that movie.

JEFF - Nope.

TGWD - Anyone who's a fan of doll's heads and sees this poster with its promise of doll head action is going to be very disappointed.

JEFF - Oh, there'll be lots of disappointment to be had by anyone who looks at this poster.

TGWD - No mind-bending Inception plotline.

JEFF - No muscle-headed Kenneth Branaghs.

TGWD - No wooden belts.

JEFF - No killer cars.

TGWD - And worst of all, no disembodied doll heads.

JEFF - Seriously though, this artist guy must have thought that a doll head figured in here somewhere.

TGWD - You know these guys never see the movie; they just go by hearsay.

JEFF - But he had to have come up with that from somewhere.

TGWD - Maybe his life had some trauma with a doll head at some point and he just incorporates it into all his movie poster work.

JEFF - That would make for some very interesting artwork for Casablanca.

TGWD - I believe in artistic freedom, but I really think this guy needed to hold off on his fetishes this time around.

TGWD - "Carl, I know you had a rough life, but come on - just paint over the head and move on...."

JEFF - "NO! Can't you see it, man?? That's just what those heads WANT me to do!! If I ignore them, that's...when...they...win...."

TGWD - Carl would have some rough times with those word association tests.

JEFF - Flower...

TGWD - Severed doll head.

JEFF - Water...

TGWD - Severed doll head.

JEFF - Inception...

TGWD - SPINNING severed doll head.

JEFF - Good, Carl. Now let's get you some sedatives.

TGWD - Say doc, you ever notice how your nurse looks like she could cut the head off of your favorite doll that you loved like a baby and she just didn't care about it, just like your big dumb sister would?

JEFF - Carl, I never had a sis...

TGWD - I HATE MY SISTER!

JEFF - Years of psychotherapy in one poster.

TGWD - And years more for any casual viewer.

JEFF - Nice going, Carl.

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Next time, an even 20! Woo-hoo.

Dope (and Jeff) out.

- TGWD