Foreign Poster Atrocities #8

Yes it's that time again...as much as we'd all like to put it off indefinitely....

And now that Jeff's here, leave us to get started:

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JEFF - Alright, hold on here; Houston, we have a big problem.

TGWD - I think the artist was thinking of one film and put in characters from another.

JEFF - TWO others, looks like.

JEFF - That does NOT look like Heather Locklear.

JEFF - Or Adrienne Barbeau, for that matter.

TGWD - I had no idea Barbara Carerra would allow her likeness to a horror poster so readily.

TGWD - There goes what respect I had for her since Embryo and I, The Jury.

JEFF - And it looks like she's just crawling out of bed.

TGWD - In a bikini?

JEFF - It's a water bed.

TGWD - And where did this monster come from? If this is a beach, shouldn't he be Beach Thing?

TGWD - That's not Dick Durock, either.

JEFF - Looks like it's something from Slithis or some creature from the Roger Corman stable.

TGWD - More like one of those alien monsters with a frozen face that was so popular in the Fifties.

JEFF - Only those films were in black and white and all starred John Agar.

TGWD - And they didn't have bikinis back then.

JEFF - Not that bikinis didn't exist.

TGWD - Oh, they existed, just in France.

TGWD - And they were blacked out with censor bars to shade our American eyes from the corrupting influences of lots of extra flesh.

JEFF - Well, that worked.

JEFF - You notice there's no censor bars in evidence here.

TGWD - Not much beach, either.

JEFF - And why's ST glowing red?

TGWD - Uh...it's radiation.

JEFF - But he wasn't created by radiation.

TGWD - Uh...sunset?

JEFF - From where; it's still kind of hard to tell if this is a beach or a really stylized bedroom. Or a van mural by an artist hopped up on codeine.

TGWD - I'm kind of confused by the proportion. If ST is standing where the horizon line is supposed to be, then he's as big as an unnameable Japanese lizard-like creature...

TGWD - ...which was also created by radiation, henceforth the glow.

JEFF - But ST was created by exploded chemicals from a science experiment gone wrong.

TGWD - And that's different?

JEFF - ...

JEFF - Okay, you got me.

JEFF - And why's ST so...furry?

TGWD - He looks like Cookie Monster on a rampage for the last chocolate chip.

TGWD - And that woman's hand: it's all thumbs, you realize.

JEFF - Okay, if you're gonna stay on that whole radiation kick, chalk it up to a case of misplaced gamma rays or something.

TGWD - No no no; if it were gamma radiation, then there would be a greenish glow and they'd both turn green, bulk up and look like Lou Ferrigno.

JEFF - Until the radiation wears off, then they'd revert back to Bill Bixby.

TGWD - Radiation's funny that way.

JEFF - Princess OSU; see that over bikini girl's cut-off foot stumps?

TGWD - Great - just what the world needs, a college princess.

JEFF - Oklahoma or Ohio?

TGWD - This isn't American, though - it's overseas.

JEFF - So... Over Seas University?

TGWD - Makes about as much sense for a Swamp Thing movie starring a giant Cookie Monster and a thumb-handed Barbara Carerra.

JEFF - I guess I just don't understand these concept art movie posters.

TGWD - Hey, we wouldn't understand this if it was part of the original DC Comics arc.

JEFF - I don't think Barbara Carerra would stand for that, either.

TGWD - She isn't standing for THIS. She's laying down.

JEFF - Crawling out of bed, thumby hand held out in protest.

TGWD - Either way, Giant Cookie Monster couldn't care less. Just hand him a cookie the size of a crop circle and he's happy.

JEFF - Never thought I'd see a DC Comics crossover like this one.

TGWD - Yeah; a DC Comics/Children's Television Workshop crossover.

JEFF - Ah-ah-ah - DC Comics/Children's Television Workshop/Princess OSU crossover.

TGWD - The legal paperwork had to have been murder.

JEFF - Just wait till Barbara Carerra's lawyer pipes in.

TGWD - And Cookie Monster's....

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Until we find another poster and nationality to insult, Dope out.

- TGWD