Oh My God, I Just Realized Something...

Whilst sitting in front of the ol' PC tonight staring at this blank screen, just waiting for something brilliant to write about, a sobering, deadening thought hit me like a Mack truck rolling downhill at 120 MPH straight at my head....

This Sunday is my birthday.

I'm about to grow older. Again.

What is this; I just had to deal with this crap last year!!!

Anyway....

Last year wasn't exactly a good year for me around this time. The absolute agony of growing older was sinking in and I felt like no one else understood, and blah blah blah...poor pitiful me, no one loves an old coot like myself.

In the process of my ranting and self-hatred, I alienated an entire group of decent people over at the Bad Movie Message Board (to this day, I still don't feel comfortable going back there to engage them fully because of the shame I still feel for treating them as badly as I did). It was inexcusable, and I still refuse to forgive myself.

So my judgment has not improved with age but, in the last year, I have learned to accept what cannot be changed, move on with my life and realize that no matter how many times you apologize for a transgression, there are people who will NEVER accept your apology nor accept you back into their lives. To this day, NONE of the BMMB members have written, posted or responded to anything I have posted on their boards. It hurts, sure, but I know it's my own fault and I can do nothing more to change it.

So be it; I'll still post their linkage on my site but I don't think I'll be over there anymore - the memories are just too painful and all I can think of when I go there now is that stupid day I completely and forever ruined every friendship I had with them in one crass, heartless post.

On the off-chance that any of the BMMB'ers happen to still read this blog; I still feel horrible and still wish I could go back in time and keep myself from psoting that one hurtful posting that forever changed my standing amongst you. I love you all and miss you daily. And am still, as always, very sorry for what I did, what I said and how I acted.

So, now you can all see how I'm going to spend my birthday; hating myself.

Happy birthday, indeed.

Dope out.

-TGWD