A Gem from Dollar Tree...

Well this is how it goes: I went to my local Dollar Tree store (y'know, one of those places where they post that everything inside costs $1 per item and people still come in and ask "Hey, how much is this thing here?").

But I digress: anyways, I found many interesting things within, all in my price range. Then I happened upon a little display of things called Magic Towels. How they work: They are compressed cotton washcloths that are pressed into various "fun" shapes and, when unwrapped and dropped into warm water, they unfold into their actual size - wet and ready for use.

All of this was well and good. After all, they would make great gifts for people who were really cheap to buy for (from their really cheap friends). The thing is, these were all displayed in a holder which held all the planets of the solar system.

...see where this is heading?

And there, lo and behold, I discovered and immediately grabbed up this beauty:














Yes. Uranus.

Get it? YOUR...uh, sorry - it loses something when you have to explain it in detail.

Besides, you've had enough juvenile grade school locker room education to know where I'm going with this.

After I got this little towelette, I came up with the following childish one-liners:

"Hey, wanna see Uranus expand in warm water?"


"I need to wash up. Anyone seen Uranus?"


"Hey! Let go of Uranus - that's mine!"


"Wanna know how cheap Uranus is?"


"I just washed my face with Uranus."


"It's wash day: better throw Uranus in with the whites."


"I wonder if Uranus is color-fast?"


"Happy birthday, mom! I got you Uranus."


"Don't get shoe polish all over Uranus; it'll never come out."


"Is Uranus usually this small?"


"You should have seen all the rings I found around Uranus."


"I really had to dig around to find Uranus."


"I can start to see right through Uranus; better get a new one."


"Where did they ever get the idea to compress and shrink-wrap Uranus?"


"Never expected to find Uranus on the counter next to the Mallo-Mars."


"Here: I pressed Uranus for you."


"Don't stick Uranus in the sock drawer - put it on the towel shelf where it belongs."


"I just had to get Uranus after I saw Dad's in the bathroom."


"If you don't like Uranus, just hang onto the receipt and you can get a new one."


"There's nothing like having Uranus freshly-washed."


"After my brother bought Uranus, he just had to get five more."


"Does Uranus smell funny to you?"


"It takes a lot of people to work on Uranus."

...and to wrap things up:

"Do you think Uranus will shrink once it dries out?"

Ahh...I feel like I'm in high school again. Good times.

Until next time, Uranus in...Dope out.

-TGWD