Yeah, I Got Some Movies....

Many people who know me personally are aware of one thing about me if nothing more: when it comes to movies, I am a collector.

Let me explain: I love movies and watch them as often as I can (work, family and personal responsibilities allowing) and my great joy is to read or hear about a movie on a website, much like the ones listed on the side, over there, and then go out of my way to secure a copy of said film and watch it at my leisure.

As I mentioned earlier, however, there is very little leisure time in my life right now (not complaining, just saying) and so I have quite a few movies that have not yet been given my strict, undivided attention, and even more that I am still looking for.

So there you have it. A collector.

And as I notice while looking at the voluminous rows of tapes, DVDs and such at my disposal, I realize that I haven't really been giving you guys the reviews that I could, either. So how about this: for my post today, I'll give you a big messy handful of short reviews of what I have seen in my collection that first comes to mind. Okay?

Well, okay or not, here we go.

FRANKENSTEIN ISLAND












A few posts back, I mentioned wanting to get this and, if you backtrack a bit you'll see I have it now. And have seen it, also. My opine? It is every bit as bad as people say it is and then some. John Carradine as a superimposed ghostly head, Cameron Mitchell playing it drunk as an imprisoned sailor and a cast rounded out by no one you're really ever heard of (unless maybe you've seen Jerry Warren's Wild Wild World of Batwoman (I have. ;D ) It's clunky but, God love it, it is endearingly watchable like listening to your beloved Grandpa trying to tell a spooky story only he's forgotten most of it and thrown in bits and pieces of war stories, sexy girls in bikinis and other odd business that just tapers off into nothing. You'd probably want to watch it once; I've seen it six times so far and intend to do so more often. Bless you, Jerry Warren.

SKIDOO











This is a legendarily bad movie made by the legendarily great Otto Preminger. A drug comedy released in 1968 that would have been funnier in...say...1966, and had negligible laughs from beginning to end. Sure, you may be saying, but there were a lot of bad drug comedies in the '60s, what makes Skidoo so unusual that you have to own it, Dope? Well, just the fact that THIS particular drug comedy starred none other than Jackie Gleason, Carol Channing, Mickey Rooney, Cesar Romero, Frankie Avalon, Groucho Marx and a cavalcade of stars that simply boggles the mind. SEE FOR YOURSELF HERE. Anyway, this turns out to be not so much of a comedic experience for the viewer nowadays, or even a social commentary for that matter, as much as it is one of those filmic time capsules of another era, and not a good one, either. Not even a funny one, for that matter - the jokes fall flat, the actors seem embarrassed, Groucho seems too old and tired to do anything funny, even the hallucination scenes don't have the laughs that they should. Hell, Carol Channing does a striptease for Frankie Avalon. I sure wasn't laughing. But that doesn't mean I haven't watched it repeatedly. It certainly is a spectacle at least, and how many other movies sing their end credits?

STARCRASH











A bad Star Wars ripoff by any means, but still a whole lot of fun. Caroline Munro wearing various skimpy suits and traveling through the multi-colored stars of the galaxy with Marjoe Gortner, David Hasselhoff (yes, THAT David Hasselhoff), Christopher Plummer (!!), space cavemen, bad special effects and some of the absolute worst stop-motion puppetry you will ever see. OH! And Joe Spinell as the cape-wearing, hair-teased, toothy, cackling bad guy Count Zarth Arn (kinda like Darth Vader with a few missing letters, see?). If for no other reason you must see this movie just to see Spinell strut around, growl out his lines, wave that cape around with more flourish than Liberace in his prime and stare wide-eyed at everything. Sure, Darth Vader was really evil, but he never had as much fun with his cape as Zarth Arn does here. And remember, this was all done in Italy, so you can see first-hand how talent, creativity and originality DO NOT travel well overseas. But you'll be laughing all the while; I guarantee it.

RIKI-OH: THE STORY OF RIKI










This is an experience unto itself: like the Super Bowl or Communion on Christmas morning or the cry of a newborn baby - only without any boring stuff! Riki-Oh is based on a super-violent Japanese comic (Manga? Anime? Whatever...) dealing with a man with superpowers who is imprisoned and beats up/kills/disembowels/crushes the evil prisoners/drug dealers/superhuman beasts in the prison at which he is incarcerated. Not a spray of blood, body organ, punch, kick, feint or explosive death is missed and it is most certainly intent on giving you, the viewer, your money's worth. If you're well-aware that this is all movie magic, no actual blood was spilt and these guys all probably had a good laugh over the day's filming at the commissary over a nice ham on rye, then not only will you be able to take this but it will probably be your favorite movie of all time. It certainly is in my top five!

Wow. There you go: four new reviews in one post. I didn't think I could do it.

Huh.

Well, I've got more movies to watch/catalog/collect. What do you think I do; write about movies all day?

Dope out.

-TGWD