(No George Orwell)

W.A.S.P - Animal (F**k Like A Beast)



Watching Jason and John stuff a couple of ferrets down the special shellsuit Suzi was wearing on The Gadget Show last night was the most Animal Farm-ish thing I've seen on tv since, well, that C4 documentary The Dark Side Of Porn : The Real Animal Farm a few years back, where the notorious grossfest was revealed to be less a real movie, and more a compilation VHS of various shorts by the legendary 70s Danish smut peddlers Color Climax Corporation and clips from 2 documentaries made about the Ursula Andress of bestiality, Bodil Joensen, smuggled into the UK sometime in 1981.



Do people under the age of 30 who've grown up with home internet and all the free hardcore pornography of every conceivable variety available at their fingertips pay homage to Animal Farm or is it thought of a bit quaint by those raised on the likes of Bathtub Girl, the Russian soldier being decapitated, Ogrish.com, 2 Girls 1 Cup and Rickrolling? All register the highest possible readings on the EWWW! richter scale but I opine that a woman having sex with long-donged horses and corkscrew cocked pigs is still just that bit more gross than watching skanks 'n' shite or cyber booby-traps involving Stock, Aitken and Waterman standards. Shout-outs to I'd Rather Jack by The Reynolds Girls, though, obviously :



Long before any of my mates or I had seen Animal Farm, we'd heard rumours of its urban legend from older kids ("she sticks eels in her fanny and then noshes off a donkey!") and the more bullshit prone members of our year in school ("Yeah, Mart, me uncle Dennis who works at the zoo made it. The bird in it used to live down the road from us. Swear down, mate") so it's mythical status had grown to Lost City Of Atlantis-esque proportions by the time we finally saw it when some girl called Claire Owens managed to get her hands on a suprisingly good quality copy and then proceeded to invite half the year of our school around to watch it one lunch break. Some people cried, others puked, the rest of us just watched on in bemused Where-is-she-going-to-put-that...OH-MY-FUCKING-GOD horror, but it was a coming of age for every last one of us in the room that day; a communal putting of hairs on our chests; our very own shared Road To Damascas moment involving various farmyard animals, a plump Danish ginger, and her dog, Spot.



So, yeah - is watching Animal Farm still the rites-of-passage every British kid must endure to officially get the keys to teendom, or is it a generational thing restricted to those of us who befell our high school years in the eighties and nineties that's obsolete due to the death of VHS and the rise of broadband with easy access to hardcore filth?

AZ - Animal



Bonus footage :

Since that footage from last night's Gadget Show doesn't appear to be on Youtube yet we'll have to end this post with the first Suzi Perry video a Youtube search bring up : footage of the wind blowing her skirt up to reveal a skimpy black pair of knickers at Royal Ascot :



You just can't escape smut on t'ternet.