Martorial elegance # 11

Jon Gaunt used to end his now defunct daily Talksport show with a sickeningly Springurian message of positivity where he'd implore his listeners to hug their kids to show 'em that they love 'em. Now, you might think that Gaunt, an obesely pisspoor James Whale wannabe who was molested as a youngster, should mind his own fucking business with regards to other people's children but maybe he did have a point.



Because if you don't shower your offspring with the love they need to grow like a plant, god, then they might turn out pathetic twats who are so starved of attention that they'll spend adulthood wandering the streets with saxophones subjecting the general public to Kenny G-lite muzak in outfits which combine castoffs from the collected BBC wardrobe departments of Pat Butcher, Compo and Peter Cook as Richard III circa series one of Blackadder in a desperate plea to get people to notice them.

The Ushanka hat, possibly inspired by the KGB members who trail Rocky during the classic Russian Training Montage scene in Rocky 4, is less the icing on the cake and more the lard at the bottom of the Please-Notice-Me pan.

The only recorded examples of white devil pilgrims using saxophones to non-disasterous effect are : the last 3 songs on Fun House by The Stooges where Steve Mackay be blowin' like Maceo, Contort Yourself by James Chance & The Contortions and New York's Alright.. by Fear.