"Hit Me Baby One More Time" - The TV Show!

Anyone else remember this? UK show brought over here around 2005-2006 or so? 80's groups/singers brought back on TV to sing for the charities of their choice? Anyone?

How bad am I anymore? I reviewed this show when it was first on the air and I completely forgot it until I came across an old archived page from The Agony Booth forums, a place I usually lurk.

Anyways, just so I can share with you the "joy and happiness" (that's sarcasm, actually) this experience brought to me, I will now reprint my meanderings about this TV show here for your perusal. And if Agony Booth has any copyrights on this, I didn't know; I wrote it first so hey, you know - live and let live, huh guys?

Last year, I think it was...the year my soul died, my brain cried out and my very heart was crushed with a sledgehammer. Twice.

You no doubt remember the summer TV series entitled "Hit Me Baby One More Time", which promised a return to the (TV) stage of the big hit music acts of your (or my) teen years. Only this time, as a kind of phone-in contest, to show which of these one- (or two-) hit wonders survived the ravages of age, hard-living and excess to still preserve their talent. And it was intriguing: seeing performances from old favorites from my youth and to have a chance to relive the aural memories I held so dear. A Flock of Seagulls, Loverboy, Tiffany, Tommy Tutone...how could it miss?

My friends, it not only missed, but flew fifty miles over its target, sailed out to sea and sank a boatload of nuns and orphans.

First off, if you're a hit singer and plan to be on television some 20-25 years after the fact, you'd better be sure of two things: that you don't show the ill effects of your hard-rocking' past life and that YOU CAN STILL SING.

When I first saw Loverboy (or Mike Reno, at least) take the stage and sing "Working for the Weekend", I was aghast; he looks like he gained fifty pounds, lost half his hair, and...this was the clincher...remember the old MTV videos and how Reno bobbed in place when he sang? He still did it, only his added weight made his voice jolt with each point of impact, forcing his wavering voice to be further distorted. My heart sank in despair while watching him try to act like he was still fit and trim and pretend it was still 1981. But maybe A Flock Of Seagulls would improve things?

No. Seagulls' lead singer Michael Score (all that remained of the group, apparently - unless one of them turned into a heavy Hispanic guy) sang a completely out-of-tune rendition of "I Ran (So Far Away)" and constant close-ups of his splotchy, sagging face and practically bald head (any fans out there remember that funky hairdo he had that seemed to go every which way?) made me pine for the good old days, when he actually stayed on key.

Tiffany was on the same show; remember her redux of "I Think We're Alone Now", and how she was discovered singing at shopping mall concerts and how she was being touted as 'the next Madonna'? From the moment she stepped out on stage dressed in the same clothes she wore back in 1987 but now looking more like a schlump housewife who raided her daughter's dresser, it was all downhill as her voice cracked and whined through her signature song.

That particular episode was won by Arrested Development, a group I'd never listened to before but admittedly was more laid-back and comfortable in their abilities than the aforementioned were. I was happy for them, of course, but thought that at least these people probably kept in practice more, too.

But the damage had been done; I was reminded of a concert held in town back the early '80s by Stevie Nicks when she was touring to promote "Bella Donna". But the bad part was - she had laryngitis, making it sound like she was lip-synching "Bea Arthur's Greatest Hits" instead. Imagine how disheartened a die-hard Nicks fan would have been to have spent their money, fought their way through a crowded auditorium, found a seat as close as humanly possible and was hoping for the experience of a lifetime, only to be faced with something...less. I mean, it's still Stevie and she's up there giving it her all, but still....

That's what it was like for me to watch "Hit Me Baby One More Time". I couldn't bring myself to watch any further episodes (even with the added lure of seeing Howard Jones, The Knack, Greg Kihn, The Hotels and Juice Newton in the offing). And it's probably a good thing, seeing that it only lasted five episodes. Maybe it was as hard for a studio audience to bear witness to these poor saps trying to relive their (LONG) past glories as it was for the fast-waning Nielsen families to.

But if nothing else, "HMBOMT" at least gave you an excuse to bring out your old CDs and relive your jukebox heroes - in a GOOD way.