(Not quite) FIIIIYYYAAAHHHH!

That new M.O.P album is really, really humdrum, and if there's one thing an M.O.P album should never be, it's humdrum. Nowt wrong with Fame and Billy's rapping, but those tepid Soundclick page circa 2003 sounding beats? Shit, even Joe Budden would have turned his nose up at them.

So, here's some post-Warriorz non-M.O.P joints with that M.O.P type ambiance which I wish the new M.O.P album sounded like :

Black Rob - Big Guns



You got guys on message boards who were listening to Deep Puddle Dynamics when Bad Boyz came out salivating over Shyne's imminent release but Black Rob's low-key return home after a 4 year bid for pilfering items from a hotel he happened to be staying at (shades of my mate Rob who once drunkenly gaffled a laptop from a drinking lodge and was was then caught by the porter outside having a fag who he tried to flog it to) a few months back was of more interest to me. Robbie-O out on bail Harlem dreamin' with a backdrop of John Barry and the Microphone Fiend 808s is what NY rap should sound like in 2009.

Maino - Role Model



A homage to both M.O.P and Smoothe & Trigga, Maino's ig'nant Brooklyn hardknock anthem manages to be not only the sorta tune you wish M.O.P were still dropping, but the type of bombastic stomper you also wish Primo were knocking out on the regular. Maino's album was the audio equivalent of a runny nose, but his LOLz shittalking and ability to actually write catchy songs which stick to their theme (Rumors, Take It Like A Man, Hi Hater) seperate him from the pack of post-Smack DVD NY battle rapper mooks.

Non Phixion - Rock Stars



The winner of the Why didn't M.O.P get this beat instead? award for the noughties thus far. Non Phixion were probably the best purveyors of household pet sacrificing fat whigga rap (it'd be unfair to place post-Stanley Kubrick R.A in the same category) so they wholly deserved Necro's better beats and token throwaway clunkers by Pete and Paul which everyone else probably rejected, but a Primo banger comprised of a delirious Bar Kays chop-up and that INS vocal sample hook? They weren't worthy of such greatness. Goretex was decent, Ill Bill was occasionally tolerable but the other two Dan Aykroyd voiced crackas in Non Phxion sounded like Jesse West and Puffy on the Dolly My Baby remix.

The NYG'z - Giantz Ta This



You could argue that The NYG'z are the sons of M.O.P with their whole hardbody rapping over DJ Premier beats steez, or you could argue that they're M.O.P's uncles as they're more of a product of the Ed Koch era than the Giuliani term M.O.P embody, but you'd be better off altogether if you stopped being so darned anal and just enjoyed their aggressively straightfoward NY rap with Primo's exquisite 7 Minutes Of Funk rejig for being the complete antithesis of the lazy middlebrow old man NYC rap N*s and J*y-Z have offered us for the majority of the past decade.

Blaq Poet - Don't Give A Fucc



One last Primo for the road? Ah, why not. Poet's most Ivan Drago tune since Bang This is what On The Go magazine would have called that ill Chewbacca type shit, but what I'm gonna call that Tyson coming out to Time 4 Sum Aksion type shit; that O'Reilly in Season 1 of OZ type shit; that OH SHIT, POET REALLY DOES LOOK LIKE POSDNUOS THESE DAYS, HUH? type shit.

State Property - Oceans Seven



In which all seven of the State Prop' go off over a guitar squall, with the standout verses coming from Beanie, Chris, Peedi and Freeway. Beanie's career has been built on insanely O-T-T rapping but his i'll buck 50 your neck, pull your tongue through your throat/that's all she wrote - the fat bitch hummin' ya note on here might just be his most graphic moment to date, which is quite an achievement when you consider this is someone who once rapped about broomsticks up the ass, have 'em poking your ribs.

Rock ft. Sean Price - Fuck Dat Rapper



Why on earth did this gem merely languish on that Rockness mixtape when it should have been given the WSHH.com video treatment as the first single from Heltah Skeltah's underrated D.I.R.T album last year? I'm tryna hear more Heltah Skeltah over spooky synth shit, so can someone contact Sid Roams and get him to loop up the full minute long intro of Being Boiled by The Human League for Rockness and Price to bless, please?

The Diplomats - Crunk Musik



The last great Dipset single before Wu-Tang syndrome set in, with weed carrier members, affliated groups and financial irregulaties causing their dissolution. The Warriors homaging bulky sleeveless denim jackets in the video weren't such a great look, but, in retrospect, were a far superior sartorial option to Juelz et Jim's later experimentations with Ed Hardy.

AZ ft. M.O.P - Sit 'Em Back Slow



Yeah, it features M.O.P and Fame even produced it, but it's an AZ song, okay? Look, you either agree that this song, which once caused me to mock-Sweet Chin Music a supermarket refridgerator when listening to it, is the best ever freak of Rick's Mary Jane or you lack the irons and the nizzutz like my man here :



Saigon ft. Kool G. Rap - The Letter P remix



Saigon was a welcome character back in the days of Say Yes, Contraband and Diduntdidunt when he was channelling equal measures of F.T and Intelligent Hoodlum, but I can live without him ever since he decided to become rap's self appointed saviour and transmogrified into the most annoying rapper this side of Sage Francis. So, sorry, Sai' but this remix with G. Rap would've been a much better song if your presence had been replaced with M.O.P and become an official follow-up to Stick To Ya Gunz.