trapped in the closet is the best thing I've ever seen

So last night I had the undeniable pleasure of viewing r. kelly’s hip-hopera “trapped in the closet,” although I would explain it as a “conversational musical narrative with r. kelly singing all the parts and playing different characters.” Yes, it was as good as it sounds. It basically was 22 chapters aka music videos that follow the most crazy storyline I have ever seen (basically it was as illogical as the craziest soap opera), and was 1 ½ hours long.

Let me just give a highlight of all of the best parts:

-everybody is cheating on everybody and r. kelly gets busted at his jump-off’s house. Her husband finds him, but it’s okay b/c it turns out he’s a pastor and won’t kill him, but he DOES have a gay lover that shows up

-a bp cop that r. kelly’s wife boned comes home to find his fat white trash wife (that r. kelly tries to give her a southern accent. It doesn’t work) acting weird, and it turns out there is a midget under his sink that the wife’s been banging. Oh, and then the midge says he shitted himself b/c the cop is trying to beat him up. Oh, and she’s pregnant and it’s the midge’s baby. oh, and sometimes the midge faints b/c so much is going on.

-r. kelly pulls out his gun probably every 3 minutes. And then they go to an Italian mobster who calls r. kelly a “moolie” or however you spell the Italian derogatory word for a black person, and then calls r. kelly’s brother in law “LL Fool J”

-these oldies (one of which is r. kelly dressed up w/ cotton glued on his face for a white beard) yell at each other and the old bp reveals he was hiding in the closet (a running theme here, obvi) and heard the pastor’s lover call from the hospital. Apparently, he has the “package.” They never say what the package is, but it’s pretty evident that it’s HIV. So, the pastor presumably has it, so his wife has it, so r. kelly has it, so HIS wife has it, so the cop has it, so the white trash wife has it, so the midge has it. The end.

this ny times article talks about it a bit more in depth and basically says that r. kelly is aware of how utterly ridiculous (and wonderful) it is. anyone who hasn't seen this, please netflix this now.