Foreign Poster Atrocities #5

Yes, as promised, another trip down Embarrassment Lane with my main man Jeff.

Ready, dude? Good: lessgo....

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TGWD - The Dirty Dozen 2: The Down-Sizing.

JEFF - Sergeant Definitely-Does-Not Rock.

TGWD - The D-Minus Team.

JEFF - Man, military cutbacks should not be at the forefront of your action-packed war movie.

TGWD - Okay, the background is all apparently drawn but the 3 guys in the forefront are photos they slapped in there. Explain?

JEFF - Well, isn't it obvious? Ralph Bakshi directed it.

TGWD - Pseudonymously, to be sure.

JEFF - This is the same style he later perfected in his masterwork Cool World.

JEFF - A stream-of-consciousness neo-realist work of art if there ever was one.

TGWD - I can never tell if you're serious.

JEFF - Think about it: he slipped one over on an entire system of film-makers and producers by making a film that was as shallow and vapid as anything you'd see on Cartoon Network at 3-4 in the morning.

TGWD - And he still got Frank Sinatra Jr. in it.

JEFF - Genius.

TGWD - Anyway...why is someone shoving a rifle up Fred Williamson's nose?

JEFF - Not just someone. Look closer - that rifle is coming out of the back of an android that looks exactly like him!

TGWD - Aha, so it's a sci-fi Terminator-esque war movie!

JEFF - The best kind. The future government sent a RoboFred back into WWII era-germany to eliminate the real Fred.

TGWD - Not for any reason - it'd just be funny to see his face when an exact duplicate of himself points a gun up his nose from his back.

JEFF - Only problem: they never installed a camera in the android's back so they could get a picture of Fred's shocked face.

TGWD - D'oh!

TGWD - Wait, I just counted...there's 10 guys on the poster, also counting the ones painted in the background.

JEFF - Yeah...?

TGWD - So let's break this down: the ones being blown up along with the building are ostensensibly the enemy...the Fred Williamson android would almost have to be a villain since he's pointing a gun at Fred Williamson, for cryin' out loud...and the guy that RoboFred's strangle-holding is too pudgy and middle-aged to be anything but the Robert Webber part... and the other picture of Fred wouldn't need to be repeated elsewhere in the poster - you know, just to keep up verisimilitude - so that leaves only 6 of the Dirty 7 pictured in their big-deal fancy movie poster. So, mon ami, where's the seventh?

JEFF - Silly rabbit - he's up in one of the zeroes overhead - he infiltrated the Japanese army and commandeered a fighter plane to bomb the enemy unbeknownst to them, but knownst to us.

TGWD - Clever.

JEFF - Almost too clever.

TGWD - You wanna bet we just came up with a plot twist more interesting than this whole flick?

JEFF - Now there's a sucker bet, robots and all.

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Till next month! Dope out.

-TGWD