Trending RIGHT Now (5/28/11)

   1. Tree of Life - Planted within fifty yards of the Circle of Life and within walking distance of the Meaning of Life, the Tree of Life was hoped to have similar theological meaning.  Unfortunately, it was immediately chopped down by Mother Necessity to fuel the Fires of Creativity which were needed to create the next metaphor to follow.

   2. USC football - The latest trend to place random letters in front of nouns has been cited as "illogical and confusing", according to the HGB Committee, headed by KFX Head NJK Howard BVY Johnson, located in QRD Omaha, JZM Nebraska.

   3. UFC 130 - The Ugly Friends Coalition announced its 130th annual meeting to plan out strategies in continuing to make the people they hang around look more attractive.  The first day of the meeting will consist of Ugly Stick workshops and new trends in bed-head styles and wart placement.

   4. Rudy Giuliani - In his ongoing campaign to become America's next President, Giuliani anounced his running mate would have to not only have more hair than he, but a harder name than his to pronounce in order to make their pairing more attractive to the voting public.

   5. Zach Galifianakis - This morning, a representative for Mr. Galifianakis announced his intention to become Rudy Giuliani's vice-presidential running mate.  Upon hearing this, Mr. Giuliani is quoted to have said, quote, "He took me seriously on that?  Geez," end quote.

   6. Bradley Cooper - Having appeared in several well-received movies, reporters asked how he continues to get such lucrative opportunities.  Cooper admitted that he had no idea, since he was caught by surprised that he was in the last two "Hangover" movies.  Mr. Cooper explains, "I thought it was that Woody Harrelson guy.  You mean it isn't?"

   7. Tiffany's and Gingrich - CBS Thursday Night's newest situation comedy centers around an unemployed Newt Gingrich (played by himself) becoming an night security guard at the prestigious jewelry shop Tiffany's, under the watchful eye of the snooty Ms. Huffington (Patricia Heaton) and the gruff but lovable owner Gus Tiffany (Ed Asner).  8:00 PM EST, 30 minutes.  Mild language, some sexual innuendo and suggested doberman pinscher violence.

   8. Summer travel deals - For those who are considering traveling to The Middle East, China, Mexico or Ethiopa for their summer vacation, leading American travel experts ar eoffering lucrative deals such as this one for Mexico - stay at home instead and there is an almost 100% chance that you will NOT be executed by drug cartels.  Similar deals are being offered for those traveling to Italy and Russia.

   9. Patriot Act - Warner Bros. announced their latest comedy, a spinoff from the popular Sister Act films, only this time starring action star Mel Gibson as a bitter ex-cop who witnesses a brutal murder and must go under witness protection as a Revolutionary War re-enacter in Connecticut.  Early word has Whoopi Goldberg and Kthy Najimy making cameos, though it is unclear whether Mary Wickes will be added through CGI.

  10. Blood sugar - The Rolling Stones have announced their latest Amercian tour, kicking off their latest album "Blood Sugar", which they call a collection of song which are more appropriate to their age group.  Other songs they will introduce are titled "Hey You, Get Off Of My Lawn" and "(I Can't Get No) Medication."