Scrooged (1988)

I'm really in a quandary about this movie.

I really like Bill Murray.

I really like Richard Donner.

I really like (nay, love) Karen Allen.

And I like a good adaptation of "A Christmas Carol", too.

Heck, I totally got into the musical version starring Albert Finney back in 1970 called (coincidentally) Scrooge.

So what is it about Scrooged that has me at odds as to what to make of it? It has everything going for it: a big budget ($32 million), big-name director, a colorful comic cast, dependable storyline (Charles Dickens' classic Christmas chestnut has been roasted on an open fire of adaptation at least 110 times in various films, TV shows, radio plays, plays, and so on), and at the core is a classic comedian who can make the most mundane line of dialogue uproariously funny.

With all of this, I again pose, what happened with Scrooged that I should handle it like a lump of coal?

First of all, the storyline should be examined. Yes, we all know where the story came from, but this has been updated: Frank Cross (Bill Murray) is the youngest television network president in history for IBN, which is planning a live adaptation of Dickens' Christmas Carol (they call it "Scrooge", despite the fact that it doesn't seem to be a musical, but anyway...). However, Frank has had no Christmas spirit for quite a long time and treats (and mis-treats) everyone around him as an irritant to his existence. With no appreciation of the season or the spirit embodied therein, Frank has no choice but to be visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future - who it turns out must pull out all the stops in order to change the most UN-changeable man in the world at the most crucial time of the year.

Okay, fair enough. This could be entertaining enough, and there certainly a vignette or two here and there that not only make their point that Frank is indeed a miserable soul but also raise a laugh (which I'll get to). There are problems, however, and problems big enough to stand in the way of what could have been THE best "Christmas Carol" adaptation ever.

Let's take a look at the script. Written by Mitch Glazer and Michael O'Donoghue...and yes, you're right - those are two writers from TV's "Saturday Night Live"...we have a case of trying to make a story which was good enough to begin with "bankable" by refining it for today's sensibilities. The last updating of this story (outside of your normal special episode of "Family Ties" or "Happy Days") was that TV version called "An American Christmas Carol", starring a latex-make-upped Henry "The Fonz" Winkler.

This time, with the main setting in the behind-the-scenes world of television programming, the biggest component of the storyline we're given is cynicism. Lots of it, too. And not just by our version's Scrooge (Cross), but from everyone, even the bit players. I know; this all takes place in a business where cynics not only rule but are the majority. But did Glazer and O'Donoghue feel the need to make this the reigning feeling in their movie?

Even the ghosts themselves seem resigned to the fact that mankind is so jaded as represented by the miserable wretch they are assigned to reform that they must use everything (including brute force) in order to speak down to their base levels of understanding.

Then we have the fact that there is so much BAD WILL towards man here. During the course of Scrooged, we will see a TV censor repeatedly beaten and injured by props, stage hands and by Cross himself; an old woman will die of fright from seeing one of Cross' intensely horrific "Scrooge" promos; people will be yelled at, flipped off, brow-beaten, ridiculed, doused with water, threatened with guns, frozen to death, psychologically tormented and midgets will be used as human shields. Now, THAT'S what I call Christmas! Not a good one, but....

Richard Donner cannot be faulted as director - I mean, he even has that last name of one of Santa's reindeer! And his sharp clear visual style helps matters, even if most of it is used for lame sight gags and uncomfortable "humor". Still, this is the man who gave us Superman: The Movie, The Goonies, and the Lethal Weapon series - directing a large scale, overblown adaptation of "A Christmas Carol" seems a step down for someone whose visuals are usually reserved for more (dare I say) superhuman realms.

Now for the cast. Let's go from best to worst: the one performance everyone remembers and enjoys is that of Carol Kane as a psychotic Ghost of Christmas Present. She's like a violent Glinda the Good Witch. From the moment she appears, she beats the ever-living plum pudding out of Frank Cross. Maybe because she's the embodiment of all the justice needing to be served on a soul as miserable as his? Or am I thinking too hard on this? No matter - Carol Kane is the funniest part of this movie with her sing-songy voice, her giddy laughter and her penchant for beating people with fists and toasters. She's great.

David Johansen (aka: Buster Poindexter from The New York Dolls and "Hot, Hot, Hot" fame) comes a close second in one of his earlier movie roles as a cackling, smoking-out-of-the-ears Ghost of Christmas Past. Embodied as a loudmouth cab driver, Johansen's is a broad, farcical character who's able to extend his loud stage personae into an acting job that more than gets the point across as he shows Cross what a not-so-wonderful life he had growing up. "Niagra Falls", indeed.

Then we come to Karen Allen who plays Claire, Cross' past and future love interest. She is effortlessly sunny and earthy in equal measure and is so bright and cheery, in fact, that it's a mystery why she would even be attracted to someone like Cross in the first place. Except if it's out of pity (which is understandable). One look at that smiling face of hers would turn any Scrooge's head, naturally, and Allen is a great actress to have in such a role.

I've heard a few people talk about Bob(cat) Goldthwait's performance as Eliot Loudermilk, a put-upon TV executive who is often times the object of Cross' wrath in one form or another, or at least the subject of varying degrees of bad luck. Some viewers have said that the first few minutes that Bob's onscreen are the closest he's ever come to playing an honest-to-goodness character, which is then obliterated later on as he lapses into the howling, screaming Bobcat we all know from the Police Academy movies. Others say it's his funniest part ever. Even more go as far as saying he's so unbearable here that this is why he's had little work in Hollywood since. I say: if you can stand Bob Goldthwait in 1987's Burglar, you can stand him here.

John Forsythe tries his best to play the Jacob Marley part as a ghastly long-dead senior executive under mounds of makeup and special effects. But other than his reassuring voice, his scene is stolen by, of all things, a golf ball and a mouse.

There are many more cast members here who more or less play themselves, not that they have very much screen time to do anything such a essay a character. They just appear, hit their marks, say a few lines, then move out of the way for the next cameo. John Murray (as Cross' younger brother), Joel Murray (as a party guest) and Brian-Doyle Murray (as Cross' father) get smaller roles (being Bill's relatives probably helps). Then we have Alfre Woodard as the Bob Cratchit of this piece, Robert Mitchum as a pompous superior of Cross', Michael J. Pollard as a street person and John Glover as a fast-talking Californian TV producer. All of them are just playing themselves, requiring no acting on their parts - in fact, Woodard seems to be under the impression that she's the lead in a Lifetime Network Movie, apart from anything else going on. Acting choice? Maybe....

Believe it or not there are smaller parts still for Buddy Hackett, Pat McCormick, Jamie Farr, Mabel King, John Houseman, Lee Majors, Robert Goulet, Paul Shaffer, Miles Davis, David Sanborn, Anne and Logan Ramsey, and The Solid Gold Dancers. And that's a lot of talent to be wasted in what amounts to throw-away scenes that could have been filled with just about anybody, save for the fact that this is a big-budget "Scrooge" movie..."A Christmas Carol" movie, sorry...and they figured they might as well use their budget to get Buddy Hackett, Pat McCormick, Jamie Farr, Mabel King, et al in bit part cameos, just for the casual viewer to feel better about themselves in that they still recognize occasional guests from talk shows of yore.

And Mary Lou Retton has a cameo as Tiny Tim (believe it) where her part consists of leaping on a mat and shouting "God Bless Us, Every One". And that's all she does. Still, hers is not the worst performance in Scrooged.

Which brings me to Bill Murray.

I've put this off as long as I possibly could, but it is now an unavoidable fact that must be addressed. I'm more than well aware of the fact that, this being an adaptation of "Christmas Carol', we must see our Scrooge/Cross as a miserable, nasty figure with no redeeming qualities. The thing is, something happened to Bill Murray along the way in the Eighties - he fell into the same trap that so many other comedians and comic actors fell into (Jerry Lewis, Jim Carrey) and wanted to be taken seriously as a - God help us all - serious actor. After 1984's The Razor's Edge did so poorly at the box office, Murray took a brief hiatus from the screen - maybe to tend to his wounded ego - but rebounded with Little Shop of Horrors, took another year off, then came back with this.

Apparently, he still had some "serious" acting in him, and wanted to use it to play a straight Scrooge character with loud, grating yelling scenes and vicious tirades. Not too funny, and a tad overwrought for a comedy; Oh, he pulls some always-dependable comic bits out of his hat every now and then (his reaction to a man on fire is priceless, as is his discussion with the "mouse wrangler" for the production) but for the most part he makes the cardinal mistake of not being Bill Murray enough for this - a comedy - and succeeds only in making his portrayal of Frank Cross a classic portrait of wrathful, cynical nastiness.

Then we have the very end where (shock and awe), Cross is seemingly transformed and invades his very own "Scrooge" production to shout and rant and rave and rail on about his newly-discovered Christmas spirit. Which, like I said, consists of shouting, ranting, raving and railing about helping the needy and hungry and cold of the world. It's kind of distressing - like seeing a mental breakdown being filmed.

By the time Murray is finished with his shouting match to the camera, tears streaming down his face, it would have been befitting to go the last few yards of the screenplay and have him lose his job, get carted off to the loony bin and watch him get fitted for his own long-sleeved white jacket.

What? Too cynical? For a movie like this?

I'm probably approaching this the wrong way; with writers like Glazer and O'Donoghue writing this with their own skewed view on things, they probably felt they were giving a fresh new slant on Dickens' work by giving modern-day cynics their own version of "Christmas Carol" where Scrooge gave his own version of things.

And as far as that goes, there is where Scrooged's strength and popularity lies nowadays. There are so many people who are cold and cynical when it comes to the holiday season that, to them, Frank Cross (much less Ebeneezer Scrooge) stands as an icon for everything they believe in during a time of year when everything around them is holly and jolly and festive and such. There are so many Frank Cross' in the world, it seems, that it would take a virtual uprising of chain-smoking, toaster-punching, television-screen faced ghosts visiting 75% of humanity to get the Christmas spirit kick-started.

Still, this movie made back double its budget, which proves that Christmas cynics had a movie that spoke their language. Yay, humanity.

Maybe I'm not the right audience for a Christmas movie that isn't really about Christmas. Or a Charles Dickens adaptation that hasn't got any Charles Dickens in it. Or a Bill Murray comedy that isn't really all that funny. Maybe I'd be better off watching It's A Wonderful Life or A Christmas Story or something more suited to the spirit of the season.

At least, keeping in tune with this site, there's always Silent Night Deadly Night...which is still WAY more upbeat than Scrooged.

Man, I never thought the day would come that a killer Santa Claus would be preferable to Bill Murray....