Five Gifts Suggestions For People You Don't Really Want To Give Gifts To

Well, December has snuck up on us as it usually does...right after November.

We now realize that in a matter of days we will be caught in the frenzy of others who are thinking, like you, "Oh, I have a bunch of people I don't want to really buy gifts for and they're expecting something from me, what am I gonna do???"...like I am.

Never fear, though. I'm here to help you (and me) out.

If you have way too many people to buy things for then the best thing to do would be to go the "doddering grand-parent" route - meaning to get those people stuff they would never ever dream of wanting at all.

No, not "something they'd never buy for themselves", but something they don't want at all.

There's a difference.

Think about it: they'd still be your friends or family, but as far as gifts go, they'd never dream of wanting to get another gift from you. They would simply decide you have really bad taste in gifts, let it go at that and just settle for your friendship/family relation status. Without the hassle of holiday gifting.

And 9 times out of 10, the most expense you'll have in it is the cost of wrapping it up.

Now let's begin and, keep in mind, these are all things that most everyone can get a hold of just about anywhere.
















A JAR OF DIRT This can be a baby food-sized jar, too. And dirt - look outside, there it is! Scoop it up, put a lid on it then tell the recipient, "Hey, you remember when you were telling me how much you love so-and-so (use the name of their favorite celebrity)? Well, they walked on this patch of land right here!" They'll take the jar, yeah, but they'll also think twice about telling you how much they like anyone else! And that's one person gifted!





















UP TO FOUR (4) PENNIES Pennies. Because no one spends them, and make sure it's never more than four - they can always change those over for a nickel or whatever. And give them the old chestnut, "I wanted to give you something that would make you realize that our relationship is worth more than mere money", or "Hey, four pennies for four thoughts!" or something stupid like that. Besides, who is going to turn down money? Even pennies??
























A BLURRY, OUT-OF-FOCUS PICTURE Now this can be an old picture you find in an old photo album, something in a drawer from your old Polaroid One Step you used to have or, if you work in a One-Hour Photo shop somewhere, just sift through the reject bin! Tell the giftee, "Remember that old friend/relative/vacation that we wished we had a picture of? Well, I found one!", give them the pic and try to convince them the indistinguishable blob in the picture is something or someone they remember fondly. Good powers of convincing are a must for this one.

















A COUPON FOR A STORE NOWHERE NEAR THEM This is a good one. First, check and make sure where the recipient lives and make for certain there's no great stores or restaurants within a 50-75 mile radius (on second thought, make it 100), verify your information, then then get coupons for these places for them, and as an added bonus, make sure that the coupons expire the day before you gift 'em. Then you can be all, "Oh, I'm sorry, these were valid when I found them". What are they gonna say?


















A BUNDLE OF LAST MONTH'S MAGAZINES They shouldn't be any older; just grab up a bunch at the doctor's office when they're not looking. And make sure they're the ones that no one reads like Modern Maturity and Redbook and that Oprah magazine. Not Reader's Digest or Highlights; they might find something interesting in those. And make sure you're all excited and enthusiastic when you give them and then, when they open them and look at you incredulously, joyfully explain, " I know how much you love reading!" - they'll smile, but it'll be a tentative one, to be sure.

And there you go. Five easy-to-get-and-give gifts. That should take care of a lot of your gifting right there. Then take the money you save on gifts and get yourself something really nice.

You're welcome.

Dope out.

- TGWD