Didn't we just do the Oscars last year? Sheesh....Regulars here will recall how last year I commented on my disdain for this "awards" show, with the glitz, hype and self-congratulatory high-fiving of overpaid actors and the vehicles they get filmed in, all vying for a little gold man to validate their craft.
Whatever, I say.
You may also remember how I, quite deftly, picked the ones who would NOT win this coveted symbol of nonsense. This year, I prepare to do the same thing again, only with a different cast...for the most part, anyway.
So let's start, as before, with the top dogs and move down the kennel:
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BEST PICTURE
Avatar
Avatar
The Blind Side
District 9
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
Precious
A Serious Man
Up
Up in the Air
An Education - Not only do there seem to be an ungodly amount of nominees for Best Picture this year, there are also a lot of pretty well-known titles even for the novice to recognize, if just from sound blurbs and ads and so forth. This one, however, has the luxury of having been heard of by only a select few, seen by even fewer and, up to its mention as a nominee, I had no idea this movie even existed. This is even worse than The Reader was last year - at least THAT one had what's-her-face, the Titanic chick, to star in it. This movie doesn't even have THAT going for it. You know your movie's in trouble when no one's heard of it outside of an Oscar nomination...it's in worse trouble still if its poster looks like a prom picture...and in worse trouble still if it makes you think of a movie that lost an Oscar the year before. ----------
BEST ACTOR
Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart)
Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker) - I don't mean to pick on this poor guy, but let's face facts: he's up against Jeff Bridges. And George Clooney. And Morgan Freeman. You think YOU'D stand a chance against that Mount Rushmore of talent? Even Colin Firth has a better chance at winning, what with his past track record of acting credits. Quick: name three films Jeremy Renner's been in. Ah-ah-ah, don't Google him. Come on, name 'em...there, you see? Not so easy, is it? Not to say that Renner doesn't have it in him. He might stand a chance, just not this year, not in the same cage as these pit bulls. The Hurt Locker's a good film, it's just that it's an experience you take in altogether, not by noticing individual performances. Sorry, Jeremy - hang in there: You survived National Lampoon's Senior Trip, you'll get there eventually.... ----------
Meryl Streep (Julie and Julia) - Surprised? I'm surprised to be writing it myself. But this year the playing field is tough: good performances by many talented ladies - and just between you, me and the fencepost, I think it's going to be a battle royale between Sandra Bullock and Gabourey Sidibe, with a little bit of Helen Mirren thrown in for good measure. And since I already mentioned An Education earlier, it'd be unfair to think it would sweep the non-nominees. After all, I don't think anyone from that film will even get to be within 50 feet of the stage that night. Anyway, back to Meryl: she got her Oscar in 1982, has been top-notch for a long time, slacked off a tad in the late 80s/early 90s then got back on track. Now, it's easy for anyone to do an imitation, which Meryl does a fine one of Julia Child here, but it's not like The French Lieutenant's Woman. Or Sophie's Choice. Or Silkwood. Ah well.
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Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart)
George Clooney (Up in the Air)
Colin Firth (A Single Man)
Morgan Freeman (Invictus)
Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker) - I don't mean to pick on this poor guy, but let's face facts: he's up against Jeff Bridges. And George Clooney. And Morgan Freeman. You think YOU'D stand a chance against that Mount Rushmore of talent? Even Colin Firth has a better chance at winning, what with his past track record of acting credits. Quick: name three films Jeremy Renner's been in. Ah-ah-ah, don't Google him. Come on, name 'em...there, you see? Not so easy, is it? Not to say that Renner doesn't have it in him. He might stand a chance, just not this year, not in the same cage as these pit bulls. The Hurt Locker's a good film, it's just that it's an experience you take in altogether, not by noticing individual performances. Sorry, Jeremy - hang in there: You survived National Lampoon's Senior Trip, you'll get there eventually....----------
BEST ACTRESS
Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side)
Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side)
Helen Mirren (The Last Station)
Carey Mulligan (An Education)
Gabourey Sidibe (Precious)
Meryl Streep (Julie and Julia) - Surprised? I'm surprised to be writing it myself. But this year the playing field is tough: good performances by many talented ladies - and just between you, me and the fencepost, I think it's going to be a battle royale between Sandra Bullock and Gabourey Sidibe, with a little bit of Helen Mirren thrown in for good measure. And since I already mentioned An Education earlier, it'd be unfair to think it would sweep the non-nominees. After all, I don't think anyone from that film will even get to be within 50 feet of the stage that night. Anyway, back to Meryl: she got her Oscar in 1982, has been top-notch for a long time, slacked off a tad in the late 80s/early 90s then got back on track. Now, it's easy for anyone to do an imitation, which Meryl does a fine one of Julia Child here, but it's not like The French Lieutenant's Woman. Or Sophie's Choice. Or Silkwood. Ah well.----------
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Matt Damon (Invictus)
Matt Damon (Invictus)
Christopher Plummer (The Last Station)
Stanley Tucci (The Lovely Bones)
Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds)
Woody Harrelson (The Messenger) - Yeah, I know, I know; The People Vs. Larry Flynt. I know, Woody's been in this position before. And it's not like he doesn't have the acting chops. But for Woody's part, this is like he's the clown shoes of the award show's evening. The lovable, affable goof in a room full of actors who have all had their share of acclaim, awards, what have you. Of course, the sight of Woody standing alongside Christopher Plummer and Stanley Tucci is enough to make anyone do a double-take, shake their collective heads and rub their disbelieving eyes. My take on this: apparently the Oscar-nominating committee was short on dubbage this year. Not that Woody doesn't deserve another nomination...but the actual award itself? I think it would take a lot more than payoffs to make something like that happen. Maybe a Larry Flynt sequel?
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BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Woody Harrelson (The Messenger) - Yeah, I know, I know; The People Vs. Larry Flynt. I know, Woody's been in this position before. And it's not like he doesn't have the acting chops. But for Woody's part, this is like he's the clown shoes of the award show's evening. The lovable, affable goof in a room full of actors who have all had their share of acclaim, awards, what have you. Of course, the sight of Woody standing alongside Christopher Plummer and Stanley Tucci is enough to make anyone do a double-take, shake their collective heads and rub their disbelieving eyes. My take on this: apparently the Oscar-nominating committee was short on dubbage this year. Not that Woody doesn't deserve another nomination...but the actual award itself? I think it would take a lot more than payoffs to make something like that happen. Maybe a Larry Flynt sequel?----------
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Vera Farmiga (Up in the Air)
Maggie Gyllenhaal (Crazy Heart)
Anna Kendrick (Up in the Air)
Mo'nique (Precious)
Penelope Cruz (Nine) - You may remember last year that I was thinking of going with Penelope but didn't. This year I am. Why? Because as a follow-up to an award-winning performance in a Woody Allen movie no less, a movie-musical usually isn't the best way to go. Especially not a movie-musical like Nine, which was no great shakes to begin with, but for casting the likes of Penelope Cruz, not exactly known for her musical abilities, you have to accept the fact that things are just not going to go well. She's a good actress, best-suited for light comedy and romantic venues. For musicals, however, where the subject matter is most fondly remembered in its original Broadway incarnation, this is bad news for everybody involved. It's a shame, but all things considered, Penelope should have read a few more scripts before committing...and maybe taken a few more singing classes, that kinda thing.
Penelope Cruz (Nine) - You may remember last year that I was thinking of going with Penelope but didn't. This year I am. Why? Because as a follow-up to an award-winning performance in a Woody Allen movie no less, a movie-musical usually isn't the best way to go. Especially not a movie-musical like Nine, which was no great shakes to begin with, but for casting the likes of Penelope Cruz, not exactly known for her musical abilities, you have to accept the fact that things are just not going to go well. She's a good actress, best-suited for light comedy and romantic venues. For musicals, however, where the subject matter is most fondly remembered in its original Broadway incarnation, this is bad news for everybody involved. It's a shame, but all things considered, Penelope should have read a few more scripts before committing...and maybe taken a few more singing classes, that kinda thing. ----------
BEST DIRECTOR
Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker)
BEST DIRECTOR
Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker)
James Cameron (Avatar)
Quentin Tarantino (Inglourious Basterds)
Lee Daniels (Precious)
Jason Reitman (Up in the Air) - Even if you're the son of Ivan Reitman, even if you have the good fortune to have George Clooney in your film, and even if you get positive buzz about your project, that's no guarantee you can stand against a female director wth fire and passion, a perfectionist who can formulate billion-dollar blockbusters, a wordsmith who has stood tall among his contemporaries and won an Oscar for Pulp Fiction to boot and a man whose previous film Monster's Ball was so good it gave Halle Berry the opportunity to earn her own little gold guy (yeah right, it's all about the payoffs, people...). Jason may have done films like Juno and Thank You For Smoking, but he still has a way to go before making his own imprint on the film-going psyche. Not that Ivan had an easy time of it, but at least HE had the good fortune to have worked with Bill Murray, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Billy Crystal, squeezing all the laughs he could from them. Maybe Jason can take a few more notes from Pop....
Lee Daniels (Precious)
Jason Reitman (Up in the Air) - Even if you're the son of Ivan Reitman, even if you have the good fortune to have George Clooney in your film, and even if you get positive buzz about your project, that's no guarantee you can stand against a female director wth fire and passion, a perfectionist who can formulate billion-dollar blockbusters, a wordsmith who has stood tall among his contemporaries and won an Oscar for Pulp Fiction to boot and a man whose previous film Monster's Ball was so good it gave Halle Berry the opportunity to earn her own little gold guy (yeah right, it's all about the payoffs, people...). Jason may have done films like Juno and Thank You For Smoking, but he still has a way to go before making his own imprint on the film-going psyche. Not that Ivan had an easy time of it, but at least HE had the good fortune to have worked with Bill Murray, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Billy Crystal, squeezing all the laughs he could from them. Maybe Jason can take a few more notes from Pop.... ----------
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
Coraline
Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Princess and the Frog
The Secret of Kells - I don't really have a whole lot to say about an animated film from France and Belgium about a boy who has an adventure and blah blah blah....But think about it: a little animated film up against two Disneys, the Nightmare Before Christmas guy and Wes Anderson.
Would you fancy your chances?
Neither would I.
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And there you have MORE choices to take to the bank on Oscar night. Just like all those people in the nominating committee ware taking their money to the bank they get from Hollywood for their favors of voting...okay, no more cynicism for tonight. Gotta go to bed. We'll see how right I am in a month or so.
For now, place your bets, place your bets.
Dope out.
- TGWD
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