Foreign Poster Atrocities #7

Another poster, another round of smart-aleckness, another round with imaginary co-host Jeff. Yee-haw.

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TGWD - Happy Valentine's Day, Danny DeVito!

JEFF - You terminator of my heart, you!

TGWD - You know, posters like this are kind of scary; it's like an alien race has heard of these movies and tried to replicate our society.

JEFF - Like the steak sent through the Brundle transporter in The Fly.

TGWD - Exactly.

JEFF - It just doesn't turn out right.

TGWD - This sure didn't turn out right.

TGWD - Look at that; there's a HEART in the title!

JEFF - Aww...isn't that the cutest widdle thing...heyyyyy; wait a minute. This is for Terminator 2.

TGWD - Yep, yer catchin' on.

JEFF - And not the Bruno Mattei version, I'm guessing.

TGWD - Ye...well, hold on, I'd better not speak too soon.

TGWD - Fact 1: that guy, whoever he is, doesn't look thing one like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

TGWD - Fact 2: it's all in red and pink, NOT the primary colors for any James Cameron movie.

TGWD - Fact 3: this Terminator wannabe has a gun coming out of the top of his head.

JEFF - True that; I don't care if you've never seen a Terminator movie before in your life, you just don't suggest that these killer robots would have these little mechanical hands coming out of the tops of their elongated heads holding big honking guns. That don't wash.

JEFF - Besides, he looks more like Greg Louganis...with a really bad thing happening to his eye.

TGWD - See, he's Greg Louganis after having gone through the Brundle machine with a couple of guns and, from what it looks like, a piece of R2-D2.

JEFF - I'm having a problem with the title here; let's forget about that heart right now, that's just it's own continent of wrong in itself. The lettering is just too...how to put this...puffy.

TGWD - Curvy.

JEFF - Little-girl's-school-notebook-doodly.

TGWD - NOT white-knuckle explosive action text, exactly.

TGWD - The Wiggles could have designed a more menacing poster.

JEFF - You mean they didn't design this one?

TGWD - I think this is from those Teshie guys again, which only means that whoever they are, they're on a roll in my book.

JEFF - Yep; they're consistent, that's for sure.

JEFF - Not that this is necessarily a good thing, as far as I'm concerned....

TGWD - Oh, I hear ya. But on the other hand, this kind of thing does give hope to all those wannabe artists out there who can't quite get portraits and facial features right. After all, if these guys can get jobs making movie posters, anyone can.

JEFF - They're equal opportunity offenders.

TGWD - No doubt there.

JEFF - Hypothetical question: if Jimmy Cameron ever saw this poster, you think he'd remake Terminator 2 as a love story?

TGWD - Only if he could get Danny DeVito.

TGWD - Or Greg Louganis, either one.

JEFF - Be my Valentine...or I'll shoot you in the face with the gun on top of my head.

TGWD - And no better place to stop than that. Till next time!

JEFF - Hasta la valentine-ista, baby.

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Well, that was relatively painless. Mostly. :P

Dope out.

- TGWD