the best thing I've ever read

it's bolded. this sentence took me completely by surprised and I busted out laughing. I also want this poster to write a novel based on the bolded (part of a) sentence.

(from "sorry mom, I bang the worst dudes")

I hooked up with this guy for a few months despite the fact that he dealt drugs from his dorm room, bragged about how many antidepressants he was on, and smoked weed almost as much as he farted. When I asked about his cocaine habit he snapped at me and insisted I never bring it up because it might come back to haunt him in the future, as he was planning on someday becoming a high profile politician. Really? Because that’s not what your 2 point something GPA told me. The cherry on top: this Pillsbury doughboy body double would pound on my door at 4:30 in the morning in the middle of the week, coked up out of his mind, begging for a blowjob. I’ll pass, Mr. President.