Foreign Poster Atrocities #4

All this time without a Foreign Poster Atrocity update? What's wrong with me??

Well, Jeff; shall we?

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TGWD - Lewis. Jerry Lewis.

JEFF - "Oh Dean! The bad guys are shooting at me and I got the pretty lady and hoyyyy...."

TGWD - You'd have to think that the producers would know their spy caper needed to have a poster that didn't evoke memories of a Norman Taurog movie.

JEFF - Or at least a movie that didn't have Leslie Nielsen in it.

TGWD - F-X 18...reads like a European MPAA rating.

TGWD - The following film is rated FX18: this film may contain scenes of shocking violence, explosions, women in yellow boots and Jerry Lewis impersonators carrying guns.

JEFF - Everything else in this poster's copacetic; the helicopters, explosions, the bluish bad guy with the telescope rifle, the hot chick...

TGWD - One thing: why is she wearing a shorts pantsuit instead of a skirt, or even long pants?

JEFF - Because she's a semi-feminist?

JEFF - I think she's like Honor Blackman; all tough and no-nonsense. Thus the shorts, so that no unseemly sexist pig spy can look up it yet she still retains her innate sexiness.

JEFF - Then she'd give them a roundhouse dropkick.

TGWD - Without exposing a thing.

TGWD - The spy still concerns me; it looks like he's just running past on another errand and taking a potshot at the viewer as he's off on another exciting assignment.

JEFF - run run run "S'cuse me..." *BANG!* run run run

TGWD - The bad guy is kind of intriguing; Kind of like the Snow Miser on a rampage to stop Christmas once and for all.

JEFF - We're just assuming he's the bad guy. He could be Jerry's partner who got accidentally frozen by one of Jer's hilarious antics while on a mission.

JEFF - He was just ready to shoot Blofeld when Jerry stumbles in, wailing like an idiot, and spills some liquid nitrogen on him, freezing him in place instantly, his finger poised on the trigger.

TGWD - "D'oh! Mister spy partner buddy pal! I'm awfully sorry! Hoyyyy..."

JEFF - I figure the climactic action scene somehow involves the hot chick and Jerry in a gunfight at the bad guy's vast underground lair, wherein Jerry somehow sets off a box of fireworks.

TGWD - And the bad guy gets a roman candle caught in the seat of his pants and he runs off screaming, sparks and smoke following him.

JEFF - And all the henchmen are knocked into a huge mud puddle.

TGWD - Populated by mud-breathing piranhas.

JEFF - Oh yeah, piranhas or sharks.

JEFF - And the henchmen jump out and comically flail around, vicious flesh-eating fish attached all over them.

TGWD - With the Benny Hill theme playing throughout.

JEFF - Then the last scene has Jerry trying to be romantic with the hot chick, and they both fall into a huge fountain.

TGWD - That part has to be accented with a slide whistle as they fall, or it doesn't work.

TGWD - Freeze frame on Jerry's contorted mug as he goes hoyyyy... one last time.

JEFF - I think we just wrote something better than Tomorrow Never Dies.

JEFF - With 100% less Halle Berry.

TGWD - That'll get people to watch.

JEFF - I think that should be a tag line on any movie they want to be a success anymore.

TGWD - Well, shall you call MGM/UA or shall I?

JEFF - Spy Hard 2: NOT SO HARRRRRD!!

TGWD - Hoyyyy....

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Man, and to think the Something Awful guys do this for a living. Something's wrong there.

Dope out.

-TGWD