The Dope's Top 10 Wanna-Sees - PART 2!

Hey, a sequel! Cool!

Well, a sequel to a previous post, anyway. You may remember a few pages back (or down or whatever) that I listed some movies that I wouldn't mind seeing as well as owning. The thing is that I have a lot of movies that I've already seen but, hard as it is to believe, there are a great many that I have not yet or have briefly and want very much to own to see at my leisure.

And NO, this is not me being greedy. I'm simply stating my desire to look upon flicks that have such a sterling reputation (i.e.: really BAD reputations) that necessity states I must have them. Simple as that, see?

With this in mind, and keeping in mind also that there are only a couple of shopping days till Christmas (hint-hint), here are 10 MORE movies that I, TheGreatWhiteDope, must have, at any and all costs.
----------
NOTE: As before, the ones I've finally got have their titles/reviews in red, such as this. So you see, I'm a-still collectin'.

You may continue now.

----------

10. THE LAST MOVIE (1971, dir: Dennis Hopper)

Anyone who is familiar with Dennis Hopper is more familiar with his acting successes in Easy Rider, Blue Velvet, Hoosiers and Speed, as well as his directorial triumphs the likes of Easy Rider (again) and Colors. But in 1971, he released a film that was funded by Universal Studios in the hopes that Easy Rider lightning would strike twice. It didn't, but this is supposed to be such a hallucinatory, disjointed, artsy-fartsy, mind-bendingly inexplicable example of film-making that seeing it is a no-brainer for someone like me. Heck, I own The Master Gunfighter. Check THAT one out at the ol' IMDb and you'll see my rationale.








9. YOR - THE HUNTER FROM THE FUTURE (1983, dir: Antonio Margheriti)

Yes, the one starring Reb "Screams Like A Girl" Brown doing his Conan thing in an Italian movie that somehow ends up in a futuristic utopia after trudging through caveman times for the first half of the film. I always ended up seeing the last half of Yor on the Sci-Fi Channel and wished I could see it all. Besides which, any movie that has our hero hang-gliding into an enemy camp using a dead pterodactyl has my vote for greatest movie ever.










8. THE MANITOU (1978, dir: William Girdler)

Weird title: check. Late-70s hipness/kitsch: check. Tony Curtis: check. Burgess Meredith: check. Native American medicine man being born from Susan Strasberg's neck: check. An ending that literally must be seen to be believed: double-check.












7. THE TRIAL OF BILLY JACK (1974, dir: Tom Laughlin)

Okay, this one will take some explaining: I know full well how painful a Tom Laughlin movie can be (just see my review of Billy Jack Goes To Washington for proof), but this one is pure masochism with a huge dollop of pretension and tiny sprinkles of boring platitudes atop. It lasts the length of three average movies and doesn't even have the plot to support one. And for a movie that supports non-violence, it sure does pander to the senseless violence crowd, especially in the final moments. The New Age philosophy and Native American tangents also do not mix well together (at least not here) and one thing that stays a constant: NO ONE IN THE DAMN MOVIE CAN ACT.

So yeah, I want it.




6. SPACEHUNTER: ADVENTURES IN THE FORBIDDEN ZONE (1983, dir: Lamont Johnson)

You may remember my last list also had a 3-D choice (JAWS 3-D) but even though this one is of the same ilk, it has a different pedigree. Used to be that anything with Peter Strauss was good (he has a whole slew of TV movies that were actually decent and worth watching), ditto Molly Ringwald and Ernie Hudson. But this was made with the same excuse of Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn and Amityville 3-D: throw and point as much stuff at the viewer as you can, forget about the plot. And stuff did get thrown at the viewer, at least.








5. WEASELS RIP MY FLESH ( 1979, dir: Nathan Schiff)

Yes, it's the same title as that Frank Zappa song, but this is a low-budget, no-star horror movie about a radioactive mutant weasel that infects a scientist, his assistant and a police detective and they all mutate, run around, attack people and chase each other right up to the end...which I would never dream of revealing simply because it's the stupidest ending I've ever heard of in my entire life, and probably your life, too. But stupid movies can be a good thing to watch, too. especially ones that were made with non-actors and on a shoestring budget that wouldn't even hold your shoes on your feet.






4. CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC (1980, dir: Nancy Walker)

Just because I want to see a flashy, gaudy, tacky disco movie about a bunch of singers that were as flashy, gaudy and tacky as the era and music they represented doesn't necessarily mean that I promote that kind of thing. You know: DISCO. But it also contains directing from the Bounty Paper Towel Lady, acting from the likes of Steve Guttenberg (pre-Police Academy), Valerie Perrine, Bruce Jenner (right, the gold medal Olympic guy) and Jack Weston, plus all the glitz and tackiness that producer Allan Carr could muster. And believe me, you can tell what you're in for even from the very first seconds in. It's just that hard to miss.







3. THE YESTERDAY MACHINE (1963, dir: Russ Marker)

This is a rare gem that isn't even out on DVD, I don't believe. In fact, let me just tell you what it says on the IMDb about it:

• A Nazi scientist invents a time machine enabling him to go back to alter the events of WWII

Nice, huh? Add to that the kidnapping of a baton twirler apparently vital to the turns of events, a lounge singer advertised as "The Girl With The Orchid Voice", Tim Holt (who was once a good actor but did schlock like this near the end of his life) and Jewish actor Jack Herman playing the Nazi scientist (!!) and giving such an outlandish performance that he apparently outdoes his co-stars! And a kewpie doll goes to anyone who can follow the time travel theories extrapolated by Herman.




2. DRUNKEN WU-TANG (1983, dir: Cheung-Yan Yuen)

I've seen only one clip of this beauty (over on badmovies.org - check 'em out!) and it seems to be one of the wildest, craziest things put on film from across the sea since the first Asian man slipped on a rubber monster suit. It stars The Devil, a rat-faced man, a car made out of bamboo, a monster that looks like a watermelon with teeth and more wire-supported kung-fu than you can shake a Singapore Cane at! Not only do I want this movie, but I think you should go out and buy it, too. Now. Go.








1. SEXTETTE (1978, dir: Ken Hughes)

Good Lord. Mae West was a sexy sexy woman. Once. A looooong time ago. In the late '70s she WAS NOT SEXY. She was old. Ancient. Crumbling. Not even beautiful in age like Westminster Abbey is. And to see her arthritically strutting around, croaking her lines (and SONGS!!) and still trying to be sexy would harm animals, children and other living things. But Mae did not just harm herself here. She also hurt poor Timothy Dalton, Dom DeLuise, Tony Curtis, Ringo Starr, George Hamilton, Regis Philbin, Alice Cooper, Walter Pidgeon, Keith Moon and so many others.
Legendarily bad in the annals of film-making and a genuinely bad experience all around. I want this one so bad it hurts. Really, Right in my side, there....




Quite the eclectic group of flicks, eh? And yeah, I know some may even be next to impossible to find on VHS, much less DVD. But a man can dream, can't he? Huh? Can't he?!

Dope out.

-TGWD