Foreign Poster Atrocities #2

All right; it's been a few days, no one's commented or even seem to have noticed that I added anything new to the site, let alone a new, exciting and vibrant segment.

Fine, then - I'll just do a new Foreign Poster Atrocity segment, one right after another. I don't need you for validation: JUST SEE IF I CARE!! (sob)

...

Okay, I'm good. Welcome back also, if you will, my imaginary co-writer Jeff. And with that, here we go.

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TGWD - Someone's thinking of marzipan.

JEFF - Now that's a bad headache.

TGWD - He's the brother that Kuato doesn't talk about.

TGWD - "Start the reactor Quaid...oh wait, make sure you start the right reactor. It's down from the first one, hang a left...no, I TOLD him that...will you guys shut up; I'm telling him, already....

JEFF - He's a Cop...a Special Cop.

TGWD - Bet he wore many hats on this production.

JEFF - Wonder how he shows up on a head-count?

TGWD - The woman yelling on the left is probably Special Cop's Special Wife.

JEFF - "You forgot to get milk again??!! Why do I even talk to you four?!"

TGWD - "I'm sorry, honey; it's the second head...he was supposed to remind me but he was busy teasing Head #4 about his small skull and, well...things just got out of hand."

JEFF - And why is Michael Jackson screaming underneath him?

TGWD - He's mad because Special Cop's the one freak that Jackson can't top.

TGWD - Unless it's Marilyn Manson in a panda costume.

TGWD - Or Crispin Glover singing about clowns.

TGWD - Or Carrot Top in Vegas....

JEFF - That's good, thanks. You know, this all looks like a really bad sitcom that Fox would have spit out its first year.

JEFF - Albeit a sitcom produced by David Lynch.

TGWD - One that they'd try and pathetically put just after "The Simpsons" to guarantee a built-in audience, then call it a "Guaranteed Laff-Fest!" in the listings.

JEFF - Like "A Different World" after "The Cosby Show". That really worked wrong.

JEFF - You could listen outside your house in 1987 or so, right at 8:30 on a Thursday night and hear channels change all over the world.

TGWD - Really though, looking at this poster, I don't think he's all that special a cop; would you take a cop seriously who pulls you over for a traffic ticket, he pulls off his motorcycle helmet and he had faces poking out all over his forehead?

JEFF - Then the 3 small heads all start talking over each other, scolding you for driving so fast while the cop is busy trying to write your ticket and shushing them at the same time. See; comedy!

TGWD - It looks more like he was asleep and someone went into the kitchen, got out some sweet Mexican pastry dough, made faces out of it, then stuck them onto his head. So when he awoke and saw all his friends surrounding him, laughing and taking pictures, he'd be all, "Hey...what's so funny?"

JEFF - That picture was taken just when he realized he felt something sticky sliding down his right temple and was afraid to touch it, for fear that his brains were leaking out the pores of his forehead.

TGWD - Laughter at someone else's expense is always worth that extra effort.

JEFF - So we agree that this is a comedy, with a slant towards the bizarre?

TGWD - Provided that the cop in question is a complete idiot.

JEFF - That's where the "Special" part comes in: he's a "Special Needs Cop".

TGWD - So Special Cop goes through his day with pastry faces on his skull, fearing that his brains are exposed, and everyone around just looks at him like, "oh god, doesn't he even know how stupid he looks?". But they never tell him what's on his head, they just accept that he's a complete idiot...with a badge.

TGWD - Even his wife is just content to shake her head and laugh.

JEFF - While holding a knife.

TGWD - She's gonna wait till he's not looking then cut off a piece of one of those heads for a snack.

JEFF - And at the end of every episode, Special Cop and Special Wife would be in bed, going over the events of the day, whether it was how he saved the orphanage of cute kids or solved the dog-napping case, all through clumsy hijinks and the bad guys' uncontrollable laughter at a pastry-headed guy chasing after them.

TGWD - Then Special Wife would look at her husband, glance up at the cake heads and, feeling she should tell him what's really on his head, instead just laughs and tells him, "You're a really special cop, honey."

JEFF - Cue warm hug, and pre-recorded "aww" from the studio audience.

TGWD - She then snags a bite off of one of the heads as they hug, cue canned laughter, applause, freeze frame as she winks at the audience, her mouth full of marzipan. Fade out.

JEFF - At that rate, he'd be down to half a head by the end of the first season.

TGWD - Oh, this'd be a half-season summer series.

JEFF - Yeah; it'd be kind of hard to maintain that premise for 13 episodes.

TGWD - Hey, that's what they said about a certain singing cop series.

JEFF - aaaand...they were right.

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Something else next time (that is, something NOT Foreign Poster Atrocity-related).

Dope (and Jeff) out.

-TGWD