Podcast?

Here's the thing: My good buddy Andrew Jones (his link is next door, and also check out Atlanta Jones, an even-better blog by the same dude) put the bug in my ear to start a podcast about a subject I feel strongly towards. Anything.

Well, seeing as how he's always giving me encouragement about things he seems to believe are within my grasp, maybe that isn't such a bad idea. You know, doing my own 30-minute podcast. Maybe I could start a Dopecast? Maybe....

The thing is, this'd be something cheap to do, Andrew said; all I need is a computer (which I have), a PC microphone (got that, too) and an idea or two.

Well, two out of three ain't bad.

I'd talk about movies, I guess, since that's the thing I know most about anyway. After all, it's not like I have a bunch of Nobel prizes and college doctorates lying around to expound on. But I do have a few copies of The Brain That Wouldn't Die scattered about. Well, not "scattered about" - they're all arranged alphabetically, according to the specific collection they're in on my direct-access DVD shelf located strategically next to my computer desk for quick and easy reference, along with my copies of "VideoHound's Golden Movie Retriever" and a few Roger Ebert yearly movie review books dating back to 1985.

So yeah...movies, then.

I guess it'll take me awhile to get stuff figured out, what to talk about, how to make it sound "professional" and get everything recorded and stuff (at least I have a copy of WavePad to use and play with the audio a bit, too). I guess the purpose of this posting then (besides prattling) is that I'm now going to (sometime soon) start my own Dopecast.

And there was much rejoicing. Yay.

Expect that, then. Sometime. Until then, plenty more to post about. And hey: now you'll be able to hear what I sound like. Like that's a bonus. :P

Dope out.

-TGWD

guess who?

who is this hottie with the sweet ass hair who semi-resembles the beloved MK?







....

you probably guessed wrong. it's this mess:

Kid rock.


this makes me sad/ worried that all the attractive boys i know will turn into skeevy crack addicts with spaghetti hair. and i mean that in a non-shallow way.

A Completely Random Video For You....

I just came across this and, sharing as I am, felt it best that I present it to you.

After all, it's nice to share.

Anyway:



Domo arigato for watching.

Dope out.

-TGWD

my dream shoe collection

damn.

when did stella mccartney start to suck?

not. into. it.



this is her spring 2008 ready-to-wear collection.
it looks like that charlie's angels chick who has a line at jc penny shit. only more boring.

faces in places

this is such a funny website I think (most of them anyways). also, I am really hyper right now. eeeee!!!!!!
here is a sampling:


http://facesinplaces.blogspot.com/

titties!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All Hail Buffalax!

CAUTION: this post , while mostly NSFW as far as some of the translations within go, will probably make you laugh so loud that you wake up people in the neighboring state.

I know that many of you probably already delight in surfing YouTube and all the weirdness therein. And believe me; if you haven't found anything weird on YouTube, you just aren't surfing hard enough.

In fact, there are a few of these videos that are so unusual that they could only have come from a foreign country. Like, say, Germany or India.

Which brings me to Buffalax.

Who?

Buffalax is an individual who has taken certain "music" videos from the aforementioned countries and, upon listening to them, took it upon himself to translate them; that is, put English lyrics on them according to what it SOUNDS LIKE they're singing. This, of course, makes the videos even funnier; seeing these singers enthusiastically singing about utter nonsense.

And bless Buffalax for that.

You are all no doubt already familiar with his translation of the Golimar/Girly Man/Indian Michael Jackson video:



But I'm sure you need to meet Dschinghis Khan, a German pop group who sings "Moskau":



...a self-titled ditty ("Dschinghis Khan")...



...and "Hadschi Halef Omar".



Here's Swedish singer Bass Hunter singing "Boten Anna"...



And the finishing touch, An Indian music video that's supposed to be an ad for an Indian Wal-Mart, so they say. I just don't know....



Sorry for any side stitches, seizures, gasping for breath and sore faces from laughing that any of this caused, but don't blame me: blame Buffalax.

Yeah; it's all Buffalax's fault.

Dope out.

-TGWD

mmmm fried chicken

this seriously looks delicious. I say tyler florence do it on his show and it looked way easy but still perfecto. also, kd make this for jack. I will also find some good soul food and make this a meal. in the meantime, here is the fried chicken recipe:

Recipe Summary Difficulty: Medium Prep Time: 15 minutes Inactive Prep Time: 2 hours Cook Time: 20 minutes Yield: 4 servings

1 chicken (3 to 4 pounds), cut up into 10 pieces
Kosher salt
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon onion powder
1 tablespoon sweet paprika
2 teaspoons cayenne
Freshly ground black pepper
2 cups buttermilk
2 tablespoons chile paste (such as sambal)
Peanut oil, for deep-frying

Put the chicken in a large bowl. Add cold water, by the quart, to cover the chicken by about 1 inch. Add 1 tablespoon of salt to each quart of water. Cover and refrigerate for at least 2 hours or overnight.

When you're ready to cook, mix the flour, garlic and onion powders, paprika, and cayenne in a large, shallow platter until well blended; season generously with salt and pepper. Stir together the buttermilk and hot sauce in another large, deep platter or wide, shallow bowl; season with salt and pepper.

Drain the chicken in a colander and pat it dry. Dredge the pieces a few at a time in the flour mixture. Dip them into the buttermilk and then roll them in the seasoned flour again to make a good crust. Put the chicken pieces on a piece of parchment or waxed paper, or on a clean platter, while you heat the oil.

Pour about 3 inches of oil into a large deep pot; the oil should not come more than half way up the sides of the pot. Put the pot over medium-high heat and heat the oil to 375 degrees F on a deep-fry thermometer. Working in batches, add the chicken pieces to the hot oil, 3 or 4 at a time and fry, turning the pieces occasionally, until evenly golden brown and cooked through, about 20 minutes. Remove from the oil with a slotted spoon and transfer to a rack to drain; repeat to cook the remaining pieces. Serve hot.

the coolest BPs in the world

wow. how cool can you get? not only do the dance moves and lyrical stylings of new edition make me want to drink lots and lots of chocolate milk (in hopes of becoming more black) but they are all wearing skinny jeans, plimm soles, and fly ass 80's jackets! i 99% gaurentee if you went to a choice hipster bar in any given city at this very moment, you'd see an almost identical posse emerging from the men's toilets, except they would have just done lots of cocaine and would not caress themselves nearly as much. wow.

Relax, I Just Changed The Site Color...

It's blue.

It was green since the dawn of time (seemingly), but now it's blue.

That's...all I had to say. Really.

You know, about the site now being...you know...blue...and all.

Uh...Dope out.

-TGWD

The Funniest Site I've Been To...So Far.

I've been on the 'Net for awhile and seen a lot of sites that try to be funny (my miserable little blog included) and fail quite badly at it.

Maybe it's topicality?

Maybe it's their choice in targets of humor?

Maybe it's the fact that they aren't very funny themselves to begin with?

Maybe....

All I know is that if a site is going to try and be funny, then it better be about a subject that I agree needs ribbing and does it in an altogether unique way. That, friends and neighbors, is why I'm recommending that you click on the link that I'm about to show you. It is funny and it makes fun of a needy subject.

Ready?

It's Spamusement!

That's right: it's a site that pokes fun at the things in life that truly need it: those stupid intro lines to the spam e-mails we all have gotten at least once (or a million times) in our inbox. How do they do it? By making crudely drawn cartoons relating to the subject line in the vaguest way possible.

Allow me to explain....

Say a line on a spam-mail begins thusly:
"get rid of premature ejactulation and last longer"

This is the cartoon they make for it:




















Ya see?! It's funny!!

And there's plenty of them on the site. My side is still hurting and eyes watering from the laughing I did at some of these. And yes, if you have the same, twisted sense of humor I have, you'll be collapsed in your chair, a gasping, cackling waste of humanity much like I.

So go and have a good laugh. You deserve it.

(and yes, I've noticed that I'm posting much more regularly now. Thanks for pointing that out to me. :D )

Dope out.

-TGWD

nigel slater

nigel slater is my cullinary hero. he is nerdy about food in the best way possible. his cooking philisophy is essentially to use amazing ingredients and not have to spice them up with a whole lot of other crap like you would if you were using shitty ones. and he has a new book out!

The OOP-Video Gap is Narrowing!

A little background: OOP, for the uninitiated, means "Out-Of-Print", and in terms of videos, means a movie that was put on video (mainly VHS) once, and never again. Finding copies of such movies is a rarity indeed and, for true movie lovers such as I, a treat when you find one.

Many of the movies I have in my collection are OOPs and I am always overjoyed when I can happen across one. If you happen to be with me when I come across a previously-viewed, worn copy of a film the likes of MegaForce, Blood Beach, Killdozer or Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny, you'll no doubt see me freeze, let out a tiny yelp of joy and make a beeline right to the tape in question, clutch it to my breast and head straight for the checkout line, money ready.

Yes, it's a happy moment for me but...and this is shocking...OOPs are getting a little harder to come by anymore.

Why, I was walking through my local Wally World a couple of months back, absent-mindedly looking through the CDs (in spite of the fact that most modern-day music outright sucks) and came across the newest compilation/collection from KISS ("Kissology Vol. 2 1978-1991"). I saw it and noticed that it said on the front that there were also DVD portions in this collection, making me joke to myself, "yeah, everything but KISS Meets The Phantom Of The Park" - a movie I have and enjoy for its cheese, music and cornball spectacle.

Then...I saw it. right on the back of the packaging:

"...Also included is an unedited full-length movie from 1978, titled KISS IN ATTACK OF THE PHANTOM."

...

I was utterly in shock.

The unthinkable had happened.

I went through my mind: the year was right, Attack of the Phantom was one of the alternate titles...they were in no other movies (except Detroit Rock City - ergh). But...it was impossible. Ace Frehley and Gene Simmons themselves said that this was one of their projects that would never ever EVER see the light of day if they had anything to say about it!

And yet there it was: right on the first disc!!

Ah, but that's only the tip of the iceberg, dear reader.

A month or so later, I'm back in the same Wally World (maybe I shouldn't go in there anymore...), looking through the new DVDs at what was just out. Still smarting from the Kissology debacle...never dreaming that my soul could be even more scarred than it already had been. Then I looked in the middle of the left-side section, third and fourth rows down.

It might as well have been named "The 'Let's Smash The Ego Of Some Movie-Collecting Nerds' Section".

Right there were even MORE titles that I thought would never be on DVD. At least in North America. It was astounding.

The Hand - it was there.

Cruising - that, too.

Eyes Of A Stranger - shocking, but true.

Eaten Alive - that one really stunned me.

Night Of The Comet - Wow.

Alligator - total surprise to me.

And yes, every single one of these were, heretofore, on the "official" OOP list that I live, eat, drink and breathe by. This, of course, is a list that is going to be pared away from day by day, I'm sure.

Now I know there are a lot of you who may be glad, nay, overjoyed to see these titles on DVD, ready to pluck up and place ever-so-gingerly into your waiting DVD player at home. But for me, it is a dark, sad day.

Why?

It's the thrill of the hunt, the sense of purpose you get walking into your local video store with that ratty old list in your hands, checking for the same titles over and over, knowing that they'll never have them on DVD, but maybe they'll have come across that old tape of Nukie you've been dying to get or someone's returned a long-overdue rental of Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn or they bought out another rental place who sold them all their copies of Night Of Horror or The Green Slime.

Then you take your precious prize home, record it on DVD for archival purposes, then put your beautiful VHS tape on a nice display shelf for your present and future viewing pleasure. Your search is over; and you've emerged victorious.

...now you're off to hunt for a tape of Cast A Deadly Spell.

Seeking the unattainable, watching movies you've only heard about and that no other Joe Schmoe down the road has seen umpteen times. That's what the OOP game is all about.

Sure, every bonehead and their brother jabbers about renting the last Adam Sandler movie and boring you to tears about every moment from it, even though it's on TV every single night of the year and you walk by it for sale at every store you go to. But wouldn't it be more interesting to talk with someone about a film that only you (and maybe a couple of other people in the immediate area) have seen?

It's not every day that you can put something into your DVD player (or VCR) that is an altogether different experience from anything you've seen. After hearing about a movie for years and then discovering that it hasn't been out for sale for years - decades, even - wouldn't you feel thrilled about seeing it again, right there in arm's reach, just waiting to be grabbed up? And also knowing that it's something that few others have even heard of? Good feeling isn't it?

I guess that's what breaks my heart about so many more of these movies being rediscovered on DVD - sure, it's good news that now it's being made available for all those thrill-seekers to lay claim on...but the thrill of the hunt is gone.

Oh well, that's modern technology for you. Gotta love it.

That's all I had to say about the subject; guess this qualifies as a rant - but it's allowed. See the small-print under my title up there? It's included.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go watch my copy of Second Sight.

And if you need reminding of that beauty, just click here. Then go find it for your own collection...if you dare.

The hunt continues.

Dope out.

-TGWD

Monsterize Your Name!

See that?

Right up above here, see that?

Pretty darned cool, huh?

For any of you who are about the right age, you no doubt remember the Topps company, the ones who made Wacky Packages, the first wave of Star Wars bubble gum cards and so forth.

Well, the above is the result of using one of their products: the Monster Initial bubble gum sticker line. You get so many stickers of letters made out of monsters in various scenes, so when you get enough of them you could spell out your initials, your whole name, make sentences or...yes, even dirty words (come on, you know you did it).

You can now thank I-Mockery.com, a great site (usually which comes into its own around the Halloweeny time of year) for reintroducing Monster Initial Stickers to the (Internet-) public conscious. And also thanks to them, you can go here to make your own name, sentences or whatever (yes, even dirty words...you heard me) out of monsters!

Is that cool or what?!

Go on, read up on this past phenomenon and cut loose, spell away! Just watch what you spell out: you know how you kids get carried away this time of year....

Enjoy, and as a special added bonus:



-TGWD

debwa is jealous

Who all seen a Leprechaun say yeah

is this a joke on white people?

i wish this was my english grampa

beatboxing part 1

I fucking love beat boxing. I try to do it all the time but mostly I just spit a bunch and then get light-headed.

on one of the yo gabba gabba episodes, biz markie show the 4 yr olds how to beat box. and then he says he'll be back to expand on it. and I am so excited!!! except I tried to do it along w/ him and I fucking cannot make that first noise for the life of me.

Foreign Poster Atrocities #2

All right; it's been a few days, no one's commented or even seem to have noticed that I added anything new to the site, let alone a new, exciting and vibrant segment.

Fine, then - I'll just do a new Foreign Poster Atrocity segment, one right after another. I don't need you for validation: JUST SEE IF I CARE!! (sob)

...

Okay, I'm good. Welcome back also, if you will, my imaginary co-writer Jeff. And with that, here we go.

-----


TGWD - Someone's thinking of marzipan.

JEFF - Now that's a bad headache.

TGWD - He's the brother that Kuato doesn't talk about.

TGWD - "Start the reactor Quaid...oh wait, make sure you start the right reactor. It's down from the first one, hang a left...no, I TOLD him that...will you guys shut up; I'm telling him, already....

JEFF - He's a Cop...a Special Cop.

TGWD - Bet he wore many hats on this production.

JEFF - Wonder how he shows up on a head-count?

TGWD - The woman yelling on the left is probably Special Cop's Special Wife.

JEFF - "You forgot to get milk again??!! Why do I even talk to you four?!"

TGWD - "I'm sorry, honey; it's the second head...he was supposed to remind me but he was busy teasing Head #4 about his small skull and, well...things just got out of hand."

JEFF - And why is Michael Jackson screaming underneath him?

TGWD - He's mad because Special Cop's the one freak that Jackson can't top.

TGWD - Unless it's Marilyn Manson in a panda costume.

TGWD - Or Crispin Glover singing about clowns.

TGWD - Or Carrot Top in Vegas....

JEFF - That's good, thanks. You know, this all looks like a really bad sitcom that Fox would have spit out its first year.

JEFF - Albeit a sitcom produced by David Lynch.

TGWD - One that they'd try and pathetically put just after "The Simpsons" to guarantee a built-in audience, then call it a "Guaranteed Laff-Fest!" in the listings.

JEFF - Like "A Different World" after "The Cosby Show". That really worked wrong.

JEFF - You could listen outside your house in 1987 or so, right at 8:30 on a Thursday night and hear channels change all over the world.

TGWD - Really though, looking at this poster, I don't think he's all that special a cop; would you take a cop seriously who pulls you over for a traffic ticket, he pulls off his motorcycle helmet and he had faces poking out all over his forehead?

JEFF - Then the 3 small heads all start talking over each other, scolding you for driving so fast while the cop is busy trying to write your ticket and shushing them at the same time. See; comedy!

TGWD - It looks more like he was asleep and someone went into the kitchen, got out some sweet Mexican pastry dough, made faces out of it, then stuck them onto his head. So when he awoke and saw all his friends surrounding him, laughing and taking pictures, he'd be all, "Hey...what's so funny?"

JEFF - That picture was taken just when he realized he felt something sticky sliding down his right temple and was afraid to touch it, for fear that his brains were leaking out the pores of his forehead.

TGWD - Laughter at someone else's expense is always worth that extra effort.

JEFF - So we agree that this is a comedy, with a slant towards the bizarre?

TGWD - Provided that the cop in question is a complete idiot.

JEFF - That's where the "Special" part comes in: he's a "Special Needs Cop".

TGWD - So Special Cop goes through his day with pastry faces on his skull, fearing that his brains are exposed, and everyone around just looks at him like, "oh god, doesn't he even know how stupid he looks?". But they never tell him what's on his head, they just accept that he's a complete idiot...with a badge.

TGWD - Even his wife is just content to shake her head and laugh.

JEFF - While holding a knife.

TGWD - She's gonna wait till he's not looking then cut off a piece of one of those heads for a snack.

JEFF - And at the end of every episode, Special Cop and Special Wife would be in bed, going over the events of the day, whether it was how he saved the orphanage of cute kids or solved the dog-napping case, all through clumsy hijinks and the bad guys' uncontrollable laughter at a pastry-headed guy chasing after them.

TGWD - Then Special Wife would look at her husband, glance up at the cake heads and, feeling she should tell him what's really on his head, instead just laughs and tells him, "You're a really special cop, honey."

JEFF - Cue warm hug, and pre-recorded "aww" from the studio audience.

TGWD - She then snags a bite off of one of the heads as they hug, cue canned laughter, applause, freeze frame as she winks at the audience, her mouth full of marzipan. Fade out.

JEFF - At that rate, he'd be down to half a head by the end of the first season.

TGWD - Oh, this'd be a half-season summer series.

JEFF - Yeah; it'd be kind of hard to maintain that premise for 13 episodes.

TGWD - Hey, that's what they said about a certain singing cop series.

JEFF - aaaand...they were right.

-----

Something else next time (that is, something NOT Foreign Poster Atrocity-related).

Dope (and Jeff) out.

-TGWD

Foreign Poster Atrocities #1

Okay, faithful readers (all 12 of you): many of you (at least 4) have visited Something Awful and ventured onto their Fashion SWAT section where, sometimes, they will riff on badly-conceived movie posters from India, Mexico and the like.

With me so far?

Well, tonight I just happened upon a page on the web where they have a vast collection of just such posters from all over. And yes, they are all pretty bad. Now, seeing that a few of these posters are indeed pretty darned funny (and I am simply too impatient to wait till Something Awful gets a hold of them), I took it upon myself to make a few riffs on them my own self.

Thus you have my introduction to a new sometimes-segment on the ol' MBZ: Foreign Poster Atrocities.

...However, since I do this blog all by myself and have no one to riff with (whereas the crew from Something Awful outnumber my regular readers), I just riffed with myself. My alter ego for these segments will hitherto be referred to as Jeff...for no reason more than I couldn't think of a better name.

Now, while this is all still fresh in your (and my) mind, we shall start with our first poster.

-----


TGWD - Sonny and Cher: The REALLY Untold Story.

JEFF - Starring Harvey Fierstein and Janeane Garofolo.

JEFF - One's on ecstasy, one's on depressants: see if you can guess which is which!

TGWD - Apparently this is the part of the movie where Sonny's trying to convince Cher to go on just one more reunion tour.

JEFF - Or that Chastity's going to turn out perfectly fine and marry a nice Jewish boy.

TGWD - And what is this interpretation of Sonny they have here; totally glammed up, right down to the lipstick, the bling bling around the neck and flowery shirt.

JEFF - That looks like a poppy on his shirt...which would explain a lot about him AND the artists for this poster.

JEFF - But what happened to his throat?

TGWD - She wasn't in the mood; ripped out his thorax.

JEFF - That'll happen.

TGWD - And what's the title of this beauty; can you make it out?

JEFF - It looks like one of those things you make in wood shop that's just an outline of the words and, if you look at it just right the spaces in the center spell out "Jesus" or "Allah" or whatever.

TGWD - Unless you're some sort of Atheist wood-hater or something, then it's a drugged-out message of some sort.

TGWD - Either way, you flunk wood shop because the teacher's an ex-Marine who doesn't buy in to that hippie crap and lost 3 fingers in 'Nam so you could screw around in class making napkin holders with kitty silhouettes on 'em.

JEFF - Anyway, the title looks like Jug A Hug?

TGWD - Jug A Hug: you move your jug, you get a hug!

JEFF - Jug A Hug, from Milton Bradley. Play it at your next church function.

TGWD - Makes perfect sense for a Bollywood version of Sonny and Cher's life.

JEFF - It looks like they're on their second honeymoon in the haunted house ride in an amusement park.

TGWD - And Cher's thinking to herself, "Why the hell did I say 'yes'? WHY??"

TGWD - But Sonny's facial expression and hand position suggest he's putting her at ease by saying: "Hey now don't worry your pretty little head about a thing, Cher, baby - this little ol' ride's just a diversion...this is really the way we go to get to our deluxe honeymoon suite the owner of the park promised us!"

JEFF - To which Cher replies, "Sure, like that last honeymoon we went on at that seaside hotel haunted by shark ghosts with the meddling kids and that dog?"

TGWD - SONNY: (under his breath) "I thought the crossover thing would work. How was I to know it only helped The Harlem Globetrotters?"

JEFF - I just noticed up in the left corner...is that German?

TGWD - Jangal mein mangal, baby.

JEFF - Hitler's last words to Eva.

TGWD - Sonny's fey mannerisms are really setting this one off-kilter. Do you think Cher's pouting because he's acting more feminine than she is?

JEFF - Have you seen Cher lately? Carrot Top looks more feminine than she does.

TGWD - Ouch.

JEFF - It had to be said.

TGWD - Maybe the plot is that Sonny has to dress up like Cher to keep her safe from that glowing-eye skull behind them.

JEFF - I was wondering which of us would be first to mention that. It looks like a Day Of The Dead party gone horribly wrong.

TGWD - Oh. So they go right, then?

TGWD - Wait; that's a Mexican holiday. So that's Mexico, Germany, India and the United States, all integrated into one poster.

JEFF - No wonder no one else has seen this; those multi-national movies almost never make money.

TGWD - Plot's too convoluted; should have just stuck with telling the Sonny and Cher story as it was, without all the superfluous subplots.

JEFF - No, they had to spice it up with the evil skull, a drugged-out gay Sonny and the burning city behind them. Bring in the grindhouse crowd.

TGWD - And after the city's left in flames and the evil skull's been vanquished, Sonny turns to Cher and says, "See, baby? Told ya not to worry. Now, let's go back to the hotel and have a little Jug A Hug...and maybe I'll let you jangal mein mangal, mein liebschen?"

JEFF - To which Cher, arms crossed, promptly tells him no.

TGWD - That explains her shiner.

TGWD - See? There's another shocking topic to add to the fold: celebrity spousal abuse.

JEFF - It's give and take, though. He punches her in the eye, she rips out his throat. Lee Marvin and his girlfriend had the same kind of relationship.

TGWD - Except they used machine guns and grenades he picked up after The Dirty Dozen was through filming.

JEFF - Whereas the best Sonny could do is throw a Fender Rhodes at Cher while she blocked it with a Washburn or a J. Reynolds.

JEFF - In fact, wasn't that the grounds for divorce Valerie Bertinelli used against Eddie Van Halen?

TGWD - Well, anyone who picks on Eddie Van Halen is asking for it.

JEFF - Unless it's Lemmy.

TGWD - Yeah, but try to get Bollywood to make a Lemmy movie. Um, I think we're done with this one.

JEFF - I think we were done somewhere around Carrot Top.

TGWD - Think I'll ask the wife to play Jug A Hug tonight.

JEFF - Expect her to tell you to jangal your own mangal.

-----

Depending on the response I get from this one, we'll see when the next installment crops up.

Until next time, Dope (and Jeff) out.

-TGWD

a very bruno halloween

here are some options for this year's costumes:

a construction worker:

just kidding, that came up when i searched for 'construction worker'

actual consturction worker:

but with cut-off shorts of course.

robin from batman:


or a cowboy:


too bad bruno and rodrigo can't plan a group costume.

foals

my friend edwin looks just like eliott smith ( i think) but besides that he's also in a band called the foals (he plays keys (i said 'keys' so i sound like a bp in a jazz band)). they are getting very popular in london, which is exciting for him but sad for me because i never ever see him anymore. but, his music is still fun and dancey. so give it a listen.




oh and the video is the lamest thing ever and i think they should let me design the next one.

Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story (1987)

It's been awhile since I actually reviewed anything, but I wanted to wait until I had something really important to review - and something important to say about the subject matter.

Today, kids, I succeeded in doing both.

Many of you may already know who Karen Carpenter is. Many more of you probably have, at one time or another, went through your day humming "Top of the World" or "Close to You", thanks to her and her brother Richard. In the '70s, there were few easy-listening groups who were bigger than The Carpenters. And it was indeed a sad day when Karen died on February 4th, 1983.

It's safe to say, though, that most of you have no idea who Todd Haynes is.

Well, he is the fledgling director who, in an effort to bring the tragic life and even-more tragic death of Karen Carpenter to life made Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story, which traced her life from 1966 on through, touching on various highs (and lows) up to her death in 1983, attempting to cast some light upon her dependencies, both physical and psychological.

...oh, and did I mention that this is all acted out with Barbie dolls?

Yes, as audacious as it sounds, it actually works pretty well. It turns out that, instead of focusing on who's playing who and what their performance is like, you just accept that there's this doll in front of you portraying Karen and accept the story on its own terms. Which is fine, since the inherent story is worth investing your attention in.

According to Superstar, Karen was surrounded by a family who didn't take her self-concerns seriously, most of this embodied by her brother Richard, an overt perfectionist who pushed her into a career she initially didn't want to undertake. Also, according to the film, Karen was an overly-sensitive soul who took criticism to heart; it was due to the murmurs of a critic or two who called her "chubby" (!) and a family who piled more and more demands on her time and abilities that led to her development of anorexia nervosa and an addiction to Ex-Lax and later ipecac. This would weaken her body and, eventually, bring on the heart attack that killed her.

Is any of this true? Who knows, any documentary will play fast and furious with its facts. But as far as truth goes, that's always up to debate: "the actual story" versus "the popular interpretation of the actual story".

Anyway, this is all at least portrayed very convincingly, save for the fact that every actor in it is an immobile plastic doll who speaks in spite of having no moving lips. There are doll-sized sets and record albums, back-projected driving and walking-through the park/along the beach/through town scenes and even some parts which may just shock you, as when she is welcomed to A&M records and a frank discussion on the effects of anorexia and bulimia, not to mention one scene in particular in which Richard's hypercritical control over Karen and her perceived inability to be "a perfect child" is addressed (I won't tell you what exactly what these scenes are - just suffice it to say that they are shocking).

Many more scenes go for the overly-dramatic and outright sensational, right down to Richard's berating of a fragile, ill Karen and claims of homosexuality, leading up to what would be the last heart-wrenching years of Karen's life.

The fact that Haynes is able to elicit such an array of emotions in the viewer over plastic dolls just goes to show to what limits Superstar works.

And there are limits: you can only get so much emotional range from a plastic face, and the novelty does wear thin about 10-15 minutes in. Also, when you get right down to it, everyone just plays the same note: inattentive parents, weepy sister, conniving brother, cyphers for friends and acquaintances. Change a few details and you work this into a documentary about any musical family.

However, director Haynes manages to keep things from getting mired into what just as easily could have been Barbie Doll Theater. He intersperses clips and montages from other sources, a live-action scene here and there and creates artful symbolism with the most unlikely objects you could imagine. In short, at no time is Superstar ever boring.

After all was said and done, Superstar was a minor hit in the art-house theaters where it was given its biggest showing. That is, until Richard Carpenter got hold of the film, watched it himself and was apparently none too happy with his portrayal as a rampaging egotistical perfectionist/homosexual, not to mention the crushing blow of Haynes' use of The Carpenters' music without permission. This got Superstar pulled from release and all copies of the film were then gathered and destroyed.

...wellll, maybe not "all" copies. This is, after all, a highly-sought bootleg film and due to its notoriety, garnered Haynes several other directing gigs where copyrights and hurt feelings didn't always get in the way of artistic expression.

But anyway, back to the movie. Does Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story succeed? Depends on who you ask. Many who see it will certainly admit that it's effective in its portrayals of addiction and the effects of self-image. Others will just flat-out call it sensationalist garbage with a cheap gimmick. Even more people just won't "get it", sufficing to watch it as an exercise in the ridiculous without taking any of it seriously.

Which raises the question - can a documentary done with Barbies be taken seriously?

I can only speak for myself here, but as far as what I've seen here, Haynes apparently had some issues to work out as far as his own self-imagery (Haynes is himself gay), which he embodied in Karen, turning everyone she loved against her because of what she was (a good singer) and making demands of her for their own purposes. He apparently felt for her (who wouldn't?) and wanted to equate her suffering with that of anyone who ever felt less than what they were and wanted only to be accepted and loved for themselves and, not even receiving that, turned all that pain and anger in on themselves, destructively.

Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story is certainly worth seeing once. The talks and debates generated by it with your friends will certainly last as long as your memories of the images you see. As it should be.

And as concerns how you can possibly see a film that has been banned, outlawed and is basically impossible to rent at your local Blockbuster...I have just one word for you: Google.

april 77

I'm so obsessed w/ april 77's jeans (girls and boys). I had a mad cute pair of black ones but then my bv booty split a seam. fucking food. and fucking no money to buy them.

anyways here are some of their super cute styles




for those of you of the high-waisted persuasion...

go visit this: http://www.sevennewyork.com/designerpages/apxx/april.html

my cousin just taught me how to soulja boy

the dance. not the superman. the soulja boy is the dance to this song -- but I was trying to find the video and I found another video to the supaman song that is soooo good





p.s. the "other thing" that superman is is this ...
1. Superman; When you are mad at your girl for not having sex with you. So when she falls asleep you masturbate and cum on her back. After that, stick the bedsheet on to her back and when she wakes up it's stuck to the cum and she has a cape like Superman!!!

"Yo, dawg, Last night my bitch was being frothy so I have her a Superman"


pps here is the real video to the song

Oops....

I noticed that this year (in sharp contrast to last year) I haven't done a countdown of the days till Halloween. Blame it on the fact that I'm busy with work, bills and other such intrusions.

Personally, I blame it on being a lazy bum.

But whatever the reason, I'm sorry about the lack of posts this year. Guess I'm still reeling from this thing called real life and how it never seems to stop interfering with important stuff like bogs, movie-collecting and so forth. Darn you, life, anyway.

So let me at least get in a couple of nice, Octoberish/Halloweenish subjects in this post, anyway.

First, here's a return to visit one of my early self-made movie things: Halloween II: Typewriter. Still relevant after...uh, 10 months.



And here's a few good Halloween-themed cakes:


Thorax Cake
















Rat Cake




















Zombie Cake
















...along with the site where you can learn how to make them, if you're feeling adventurous.

They're Coming To Get You, Barbara!

I'll try to post a few more cool links, if I can find the time. You know; life and all....

Dope out.

-TGWD

Something Weird's Extra Weird Sampler (2003)

Okay, first of all this is not a shill for Something Weird or any of their subsidiaries. And I also know that, technically, this isn't really a movie so I can't really call what I'm about to give you a movie review.

BUT...

After literally years of seeing this self-same DVD sitting forlornly on the shelf at my local movie/CD/miscellaneous store, I could resist it no longer. I mean, look at the cover, could YOU? I thought not.

So, what is Something Weird's Extra Weird Sampler? Basically, it's a collection of over 100 movie trailers for the movie stock of Something Weird. And for those of you who know what Something Weird is all about, that's a selling point right there. After all, we're talking about what is basically a time capsule for an era (or eras) long since gone.

Let me put it this way: remember a post or so back when I talked about the film Grindhouse? Remember those trailers that they mixed into the fray? Well, the trailers in the Extra Weird Sampler are the real deal, baby; this is the grindhouse that Grindhouse paid homage to. Sex, violence, shock, sensationalism and outright perversity, all in easily-digestible one minute-or-so trailer form.

And a quick look at the back of the case will give you an idea of just what to expect from Something Weird (much less the DVD). These are titles that more-or-less lay it all on the line, take it or leave it...The Adult Version of Jekyll & Hyde, Blood Freak, Color Me Blood Red, Doctor Gore, The Erotic Adventures of Zorro, Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks, The Gore Gore Girls....

The audiences who inhabited the grindhouse theaters lived, ate and breathed such advertisements. For as cheap, tawdry and seductive as some of these "trash films" were, they made money and got loads of repeat business for their theaters. This was the kind of thing that gave way to what it now sadly called "popular cinema". You know: the stuff that stars Ben Stiller and Will Smith.

This DVD was a pure delight for me, the one who literally enjoys to death these kind of movies (would it surprise you to know that I own and/or have seen several of the titles herein?), in spite of the fact that there is not one iota of decency, class or respectability to be found on it. They're cheap and sleazy, sure - and that's what makes these type of movies the treasure they are. You can't turn the corner of a rental shop without bumping into a dozen Flightplans or two dozen Madagascars. But who among you actually scour the same store to find a copy of Wham-Bam-Thank You Spaceman or Psyched By The 4-D Witch?

That's what I figured.

Like I said, I loved watching Something Weird's Extra Weird Sampler as much as some of you love watching Amadeus. Maybe more so, since in my case there's over 100 examples of non-pretension; just clips of movies blaring out in brassy horns, bloody color or stark black-and-white and lurid taglines by the score to vie for your attention. Film-makers just don't try as hard as they used to anymore. So, maybe Steven Spielberg and Ang Lee need to get a copy of this and watch it - think of the trailers we'd see for their movies then, at least.

You want to watch this? Prepare yourself - it definitely isn't a family disc (the Manson Family, maybe...) and there's nudity, blood, gore, naughty language and all kinds of deviant behavior to scar your tender young mind for years to come. Then again, maybe that's what the U.S. of A needs today - a wake-up call. Consider Something Weird's Extra Weird Sampler your own personal wake-up call, America. Embrace the grindhouse, let the sleaze wash over you like a refreshing cold shower in a mountain waterfall, and enjoy it. Party with it. Introduce it to your friends. Make it part of your holiday festivities.

After all, you owe it to yourself to treat your defenseless soul to a trailer for a film like She-Devils on Wheels.

But then, don't we all, America?

Another reason to love Henry Rollings...

Homeboy is all about gay rights...check it out (from an interview w/ the Cleveland Free Times)

Said Rollins: "I think it's really lame what's going on with those that are gay and I'm not gay. I was raised around gay folks. I was raised in the DC area. There are a lot of gay people there. My mom had gay friends. I had gay bosses. I worked at a movie theater and got propositioned four times a weekend. It was like, 'You like boys; nah, it's not going to be me.' I never wanted to kick some guy's ass. Some guys are creeps. But when you see the kind of hatred exacted at these people who can't help how they feel about men, it's sad. What if it was weird to be straight? What if someone said, 'What's wrong with you?' for staring at a woman? I think if Bill and Tom want to get married, they should be able to in America. If someone has a problem with that, go on your way."

Kanye vs. Mos Def freestylin

Mos Def is better, duh. but it is still fun to watch

i love titties

especially this one!

Control

There is a new movie coming out about the life and death of Ian Curtis, who was the singer of Joy Division...it looks a bit boring, but who knows, maybe it will be sweet.

"listen to this and jack off" -d.g.

a v. good judge of music just showed me this (w/ the quote above), and I think miss kd will love them (if she doesn't already)

they're the plastiscines, a little french hipster girl group

can we just all talk about the troll babies for a second?

the troll babies, i.e. mary kate and ashley, really annoy me. they are not cute, do NOT have good fashion sense, and mostly suck. Also, mostly I am jealous that they have a lot of money and all they do is shop and drink starbucks and look like little monkeys. well maybe I'm not jealous about the monkey thing, but I AM about the other things! fuckin lucky troll sluts.


The only redeeming factor is in a recent article I read mary-kate said some days she wakes up and thinks, "I want to have white trash hair today." that's pretty sweet. but otherwise, they suck

top bp films

I love bp movies. Here is a list of my top 5 bp films (in no particular order):

1. Love & Basketball. I love love love sanaa lathan and also this has such a good soundtrack. Sports stuff for boys, love stuff for girls.

2. The Best Man. This one is good b/c it's about a writer whose book is all about the secrets of his friends, and one of the secrets almost stops 2 of his best friends from getting married.

3. Brown Sugar. If you like hip hop, this is the shit. The supporting characters include Mos Def and Queen Latifah. Also has one of the most realistically filmed drunk/buzzed scenes ever in movie history.

4. The Wood. This movie is sooo funny and is good if you're a boy. definitely not a chick flick. 3 friend growing up in compton and then one of them is getting married and it's a look back on their middle school/high school years.

eh, I couldn't think of a 5th one. whateva