The Worst Posters EVER!!! Part 5 - The Christmas PhotoShop Edition!

As we close out the year, it only seems fitting to look at our newest series here and see what gifts, if any, they will provide us with when it comes to the art of movie poster advertising. Certainly there will be some bright shining examples of the craft now.

Right?

No.

Speaking of which, this episode is dedicated strictly to the bad art of PhotoShopping - that craft by which the actors of the piece, when they won't be available for what is ostensibly the photo opportunity in their product to show that they are 100% behind their film, even in the ads. However, if for one reason or another they can't all be in one place at one time, the PhotoShop craftsman is on hand to slap their mug in the picture, sometimes piece by piece, and make it look like they're all one big happy family. So to speak.

Not that it always turns out that way. Why else would I be showing examples of them here??

So let's go ahead and open our gift (or "gifts", in this case) and hope and pray that the receipt is somewhere in here....

























CLIFFORD

I'm not going to lie to you - this is one lousy movie. But even a lousy movie deserves good artwork. Look how thick Charles Grodin's neck is when compared to his head, and the lighting on his face is all wrong when compared to how over-exposed Martin Short's face is. And I think Charles' body is kind of outta proportion too - see how short his right arm looks (his right, your left); even if it is bent, it's still very small. And as a rule, any comedy movie that has to use the words "COMEDY" and "LAUGHS" in its poster is trying too hard.



















THE ACCIDENTAL HUSBAND

Speaking of "Accidental", this is what happens when you have three PhotoShop artists working on the same poster at different times. We have one guy looking at Uma's ear, the other looking off in the distance somewhere and all three of our subjects had different lighting setups. Maybe they're on the equator. Let's not even get into the shadowing, shall we? At any rate, I think this is the same look Uma had on her face as for her Motherhood poster. If it isn't the same, it's danged close.

























POSTAL

Let's ignore for a second this is a Uwe Boll film. That's a whole different continent of wrong. But every single person in this poster IS FROM A DIFFERENT PICTURE. And I think something heavy got dropped on Verne Troyer's head; look how squashed down it is. It's bad enough he's sitting down next to a PhotoShopped monkey....

























MEN IN BLACK II

Something's really wrong here. It's one thing to PhotoShop in the heads of your actors on different bodies, but then to paint over them??? Seriously; it looks like they were airbrushed, like Tommy Lee wanted the creases taken out of his face and Will said, "hey, if he's gonna have it done, then so am I". The result looks like one of Madame Tussaud's worst case scenarios. You almost don't want to expose the poster to direct light - it might melt.

























THE WHOLE TEN YARDS

I almost don't want to say anything about this one, out of respect for Bruce Willis and the massive stroke it seems he's suffered. Matt Perry looks like he was done up from a video game. Kevin Pollack looks like he's standing between two cardboard cutouts. And the only ones who look like they showed up the same day for the photo shoot are the ladies. In all seriousness, though, I hope Bruce has a speedy recovery.

Well, that's all for this year's Worst Posters. Tune in next year (aka: January) when I will have some new ones dug up, including chipmunks, aliens, another Angelina Jolie and boxes of Kleenex.

(...that oughta hold 'em.)

- Dope out.

- TGWD