The Dope's Top 10 Wanna-Sees - Part 3!

What is the matter with me; can't I see that I don't have the shelf space to support this habit anymore??

I can see fine, thanks, but the fact is that curiosity gets the better of me and, when it comes to movies, if there is an odd duck out there that begs my attention or a long-lost film of my youth that I haven't seen since the "good old days" (see the quotes, there?), then courtesy dictates that I, in fact, ignore what space I do or don't have in order to store such finds and instead go full bore and search as hard as I ever-lovin' can for said movie, find it, possess it, watch it over and over AND OVER again.

(deep breath)

Sorry about the run-on sentence; I was in the middle of making a point.

And now that the point has been made, allow me to give you YET ANOTHER list of films that I, amazingly, do not have yet still want to find, possess, watch.

You know the drill.

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And again, the titles in RED LETTERING are ones which I have found and now own after this posting. Just so you know....)
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10. SUPERBEAST (1972, dir. George Schenck)

And no, this has nothing to do with Rob Zombie. This is a Philippines-made mad scientist/horrible creations flick which features bad acting, bad action, bad makeup, and a finale which features a guy in a short-sleeved plaid shirt and a monkey mask swinging his arm half-heartedly in the jungle. It also stars Antoinette Bower from Prom Night and Time Walker, two feature films both on my blog and in my collection. There must be something about her I like, I guess...that or guys in ape masks.











9. BLACKENSTEIN (1973, dir. William A. Levey)

Come on; this is the best of both worlds! This is a Mary Shelley adaptation filtered through the blaxploitation mindset; win-win situation, baby! Besides which, director Levey did so well with this he went on to other triumphs of direction as Wam Bam Thank You Spaceman, The Happy Hooker Goes to Washington, Skatetown USA and Monaco Forever, which was the debut of Jean-Claude Van Damme as "Gay Karate Man". Yes. Not only do I want Blackenstein now, but I think I may have also found four more wants....











8. BUDDY BUDDY (1981, dir. Billy Wilder)

Yeah, that's right. A film by Billy Wilder that not only stars Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau but also presently is NOT on DVD here in the States. It was even written by long-time Wilder collaborator I.A.L. Diamond, who adapted from the original French filmic farce by Francis Veber. And no, you haven't heard of it. I have. It's amazing what you remember seeing ads on TV for in your youth that you swear you'll see someday. This is one of 'em. Still, a Lemmon/Matthau pairing no one's ever heard of? Wow....













7. THE CASTLE OF FU MANCHU (1969, dir. Jesus Franco)

I guess it's one thing thing to want a Christopher Lee film, and another to want a Fu Manchu film. But what turned me to this one is the fact that my first exposure to this was in Episode #323 of my fave rave "Mystery Science Theater 3000", this experiment being the one that almost broke Joel, Crow and Tom Servo's collective wills. This really is a dull, dense, foolish film and makes not the slightest bit of sense, robots riffing on it or no, and the opening segment with the ship footage from A Night to Remember seals the deal. Gotta love something so bad.









6. JAN-GEL, THE BEAST FROM THE EAST (1999, dir. Conrad Brooks)

I've discussed this before, but if Conrad Brooks wrote, directed, produced, starred and probably brewed coffee on-set for a film this bad and this ungainly, then it is something that must be seen by me, DVD case in hand, images flickering on my TV, to believe. Just look at the DVD cover itself: it looks like one of the worst ideas that DC Comics ever had. And this is the only movie that Dale Clukey (the Jan-Gel of the title) has ever appeared in. I think someone needs to track him down just to make him admit he actually took part in this film. I know that Brooks would be all too happy to show HIS OWN involvement...the others, though? They're prolly in hiding.








5. CRIMEWAVE (1985, dir. Sam Raimi)

Yes! THAT Sam Raimi. It was also written by Joel and Ethan Coen! Yes! THAT Joel and Ethan Coen. And it features Paul L. Smith! Yes! THAT Paul L. Smith. As well as Brion James, Louise Lasser and Bruce Campbell! Yes! THOSE people. I've heard so much about the troubled production of this flick, meddling producers sticking their noses in and refusing to allow Campbell to star (shunting him off to bit-player status) and other such cutbacks and such that the very fact that the movie was made at all is a miracle in itself. But I've seen Crimewave and it is STILL a very funny movie, in spite of what producers Cary Glieberman, Edward R. Pressman and Irvin Shapiro did to hinder things. This search is for Sam alone. Okay, and for Joel and Ethan. Okay, alright...and the stars.








4. THE THING WITH TWO HEADS (1972, dir. Lee Frost)

Any movie that stars Ray Milland and Rosey Grier not only sharing the screen but also THE SAME BODY is a win in my book. But at least they were smart enough to play this one as a comedy. After all, the sight of Rosey Grier running down the street with a rubber Ray Milland head wobbling precariously on his shoulder is worth the price of admission. A combination of racial bigotry, blaxploitation violence, monster movie ethics and Rosey Grier punching himself in the face, The Thing with Two Heads may not be art, but it IS something to watch intently. This is a movie that should NEVER be remade - why mess with perfection?










3. MANSTER (1959, dir. George P. Breakston, Kenneth G. Crane)

I don't care what kind of moralizing they were trying to do in a movie where a heel of an American reporter is injected with an experimental serum whilst in Japan that slowly turns him into a two-headed monster (what is it with me and two-headed monsters this time around??), it's just so stupid and so wild that you can't help but be mesmerized by the insanity of it all. And why is this all set in Japan? Guess it made more sense in a foreign country.... And no; I checked on it - just because there are two directors listed, that doesn't mean it was one director with two-heads.










2. PARASITE (1982, dir. Charles Band)

I think we all agree that when a movie is directed by Charles Band and features a starring role for Demi Moore and is a sci-fi allegory with murderous parasites AND is in 3D, it is not a contender for that year's Oscar. Besides which, the acting is better from the rubber-and-goo title creature. Is it any wonder why I would want something like this? I had a chance to get it one time for cheap and let it slip by. Now I can't find it anywhere for cheap. Dang fate, anyway.














1. SO FINE (1981) Andrew Bergman

Before Bergman impressed everyone with his Marlon Brando comedy The Freshman, he made people belly-laugh with this, a story about college professor Ryan O'Neal who inadvertently invents women's jeans with a see-through seat, much to the delight of clothing designer dad Jack Warden and the chagrin of king-sized rival Richard (Eegah) Kiel, whose wife (Mariangela Melato) O'Neal is also seeing. Everything erupts into slap-sticky buffoonery with lots of sexual innuendo and outright sexual elements, culminating in a showdown during an opera. I laughed a lot at this when I was but a teen; I'm sure the good elements carry through, though. Here's hoping....










Oh, and I have a lot more I'm looking for, don't you worry about that. This is a never-ending list, you see, and I've yet to see light at the end of the tunnel.

But for now, I'm still looking.

Dope out.

- TGWD