Iron Eagle (1986)

You can already guess that I'm going to be talking about ripoff movies with my subject for today (if so, 20 points to you), but this is a bird of a different ilk: how familiar are you with ripoff movies that are released before the movie they are ripping off even get into theaters?

This isn't as uncommon a practice as it sounds, whenever word gets out in the rumor mill of "The Next Big Thing" in movies to come out for the summer or whatever, every Roger Corman-esque movie producer scrambles to get their head writers to cobble something together that's based on this "Next Big Thing". Whether it be alien invasions, robots morphing into cars, snakes on a mode of transportation, that kinda thing.

So when Paramount Pictures let the world know they were producing Top Gun, a sure-to-be hit with the U.S. Navy, Tom Cruise and homoerotic overtones all in full display, everybody wanted a piece of that pie. Never mind that the pie in question never made it out of the oven yet...pie is pie. So thought Tri-Star Pictures when they realized they could take the idea of young men in government-funded jet fighters flying real fast while listening to a rockin' soundtrack and blowing up foreign baddies and make their own...

uh oh, I'm about to say it again

...variation on a theme.

And that's how we got Iron Eagle, a movie that makes up for its lack of homoerotic overtones in juvenile hi-jincks and an extra shot of vitamin Lou Gossett Jr. ...and Queen.

Let's fly into some plot now: Doug Masters (Jason Gedrick) is a typical teenager with typical problems, not the least of which is the fact that his father, Colonel Ted Masters (Tim Thomerson), an Air Force Pilot, is shot down by enemy fighters from a radical Middle Eastern country and is set to be executed by its leader Colonel Nakesh (David Suchet). The US Government is over a barrel and unable to make any leeway in getting Colonel Masters out safely. Although a fair pilot himself, especially when he wears his Walkman, Doug takes it unto himself to save his dad. To this end, he finds Chappy (Gossett Jr.), an Air Force Colonel who is at first against the idea of a small-scale rescue effort, but finally relents and trains Doug to be the best he can be, steal a couple of MiGs, fly overseas and take it to the evil foreigners. Playing rock music all the way.

The first thing one notices past the kinda-sorta Top Gun story is the shining bald face of Lou Gossett Jr. - this is a man whose career is to be envied, what with A Raisin In The Sun, Skin Game, The River Niger, The Laughing Policeman, The Deep, An Officer And a Gentleman and... well, okay: Jaws 3, Finders Keepers and Enemy Mine. But still, he's a legend. Really. Besides, anyone who can overshadow Richard Gere and a mechanical shark has something going for them. That easy-going grin, sharp eyes, voice of authority and - let's face it - he's the only authority figure of any kind of worth that Iron Eagle has going for it.

Practically every other adult in this movie is seen either as a cypher, a buffoon, an over-symbolized baddie or just a background character. And there are a lot of all kinds on display here. Parent types, military types, teacher types, desk job types, all types - and all of them adults. Call it The John Hughes Syndrome: stupid adults who just can't relate to the kids, who are themselves the most intelligent creatures in the movie. See, it crosses over into other areas besides comedies.

And that certainly is a fitting description for our antagonist. As Colonel Nakesh, Suchet certainly makes one forget that this was the same man who could only have been identified as Hercule Poirot. He looks a lot more like Saddam Hussein and makes a soft-spoken dictator while quietly issuing orders as "kill the American pigs", "cut him to ribbons" and the ever-popular "Give the American his final meal. After tomorrow, he will not have much of an appetite".

As far as our Tom Cruise-wannabe, Jason Gedrick plays devil-may-care Doug as well as any young man would in the same situation. With a penchant for hot-headedness, erratic flying, getting turned down by prestigious colleges, listening to tunes on his awesome Walkman and opening his eyes as wide as he can as often as he can, it's small wonder Gedrick became as big as he did in small-scale efforts like this, going from Iron Eagle to later triumphs in Rooftops, Crossing The Bridge, Power 98, Silent Cradle, and even a couple of smaller parts in bigger efforts like Born On The Fourth Of July (which starred Tom Cruise...hmm, wonder if this movie ever came up in conversation at the commissary?), Backdraft and the inevitable Iron Eagle II. Basically, Jason was there to take the parts deemed too cerebral for C. Thomas Howell.

Thank God that Doug doesn't have to suffer through this trying darkness of the soul alone; he has the able support of little brother Bobby Jacoby from Dr. Alien, fellow teen pals Larry B. Scott from Revenge Of The Nerds, Jerry Levine from Teen Wolf and Robbie Rist from "The Brady Bunch" (Cousin Oliver anyone?) and a girlfriend as awesome as Melora Hardin from...uh... oh hey, she was in the "Dirty Dancing" TV series! (yeah, I didn't know there was one, either) Noticing the familiar actors in smaller parts here will give all of us warm fuzzies, I'm sure, plus a sense of accomplishment in pointing at the screen and shouting "Cousin Oliver!!" at the top of your lungs.

You get pleasures in movies like this wherever you can - yeah, like you don't point and shout at characters you recognize. Right. Liar.

But we can go no further without repeating the involvement of patron saint and MBZ regular Tim Thomerson. The Grand Old Man Of B-Movies rears his tanned, authoritative head yet again as Doug's dad, the downed pilot who also plays the MacGuffin of the piece - the crux of the plot, the object that set things in motion. Tim has survived this film, Jekyll & Hyde...Together Again, Metalstorm: The Destruction Of Jared-Syn, Dollman, a whole slew of Trancers movies and still has to take a backseat to Bruce Campbell??? Love ya, Bruce, but Tim is still the man of the hour...even battling his way through and out of captivity in a foreign land long and hard enough to still recognize his son's voice in the midst of a storm of explosions and a hail of gunfire.

Director Sidney J. Furie - who has more a b-movie name in efforts such as Doctor Blood's Coffin, Gable And Lombard, The Entity and Purple Hearts - fits the bill well enough while filming jet fighters zooming past, bombs exploding and teenagers pulling goofy stunts with firecrackers in trash cans while the adults run for cover. Sure, Tony Scott may pull it off with more flair, but Furie at least had some training in battle conditions with Purple Hearts and The Boys In Company C...seniority and all....

And for cobbling something together out of hearsay, Furie and co-writer Kevin Elders did a passable job of making a script for what amounts to a bunch of meddling kids getting involved with an overseas war. Seeing that Elders wrote this, female bodybuilder Rachel McLish actioner RavenHawk and a couple of forgettable efforts, at least everything came together story-wise, with special attention to the inert goofiness of the entire enterprise. I mean, of COURSE something as stupid as this couldn't come together and get pulled off in real life but, as is usually the case, it's fun to watch.

This soundtrack has to be heard to be believed - yes, Queen submits a song called "One Vision" which is supposed to be this film's "Danger Zone". True, this is probably the only Air Force dogfighting and exploding movie whose lead song mentions religion, bars, excitation and fried chicken, but what do you expect for a rush job? We also have such artists as Dio, Katrina and the Waves, George Clinton, Twisted Sister and - are you ready? - The Spencer Davis Group offering cuts, some previously released. Gimmie some lovin', indeed.

Now, when it comes to the figures: this was all made for $18 million and released in January of 1986 - a full five months before its inspiration got to theaters - and earned nearly $24 million before Top Gun even premiered. You tell me how it did. Yeah.

This is actually a very entertaining movie to watch without any of the pretension and self-importance that would come in Top Gun. And especially in light of the fact that everything you see on screen is just another example of opportunism, it just so happens that it all meshes. Gossett Jr. makes the most of his role, Gedrick is game, Suchet does everything but twirl his mustache Snidely Whiplash-style, the teenagers wreak havoc and run all over the place, the other adults sweat and add a swear word every so often, stuff blows up, rockets show their red glare, son saves dad in the heat of battle and everyone lives happily ever after. It's all good.

Three sequels down the road and lots of dogfights and explosions later, it's easy to forget that the inspiration for all of this was a ripoff that was trying to beat Tom Cruise to the punch. Of course, that's how it goes in Hollywood: why wait for Tom Cruise when Lou Gossett Jr. is right there ready to go?