The Worst Posters EVER!!! Part 6

Okay, I don't know if there's any hard data on this but I think that if you have a really good poster for your film, it makes people want to see your movie.

The opposite, though, certainly has a deep-rooted truth to it: a lousy poster will keep people away from your friendly neighborhood theater.

As a matter of fact, I think that if the poster for Battleship Potemkin just had some kid's drawing of a guy falling down the stairs, the National Film Registry would have at least one empty space where a Sergei Eisenstein film should have been.

Of course, studios nowadays just don't try like they used to. Not when it's so much easier to fire up the PC, slap a few pictures and a title together then put it up in front of the box office.

As you can tell, technology has a real down side to it when it comes to producing attractive images.

Join me as I prove such here, with a brand new selection of what I lovingly call some of THE WORST GARBAGE EVER.

Sorry.
























ALL ABOUT STEVE

Look at this: not a one of these people were in the same room at the same time and I don't even think the same photographer took these pictures. Sandra's the only one who had a full flash used on her and the men are just standing under the shadow of a tree or something, judging from how little light there is on them. In fact, Bradley Cooper just has light shining down on him, whereas the other guys are side lit. Otherwise, I'd just say that someone's paper dolls were stuck up on a strip of fly paper. And Sandra still wonders why this film did so lousy....


























ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: THE SQUEAKQUEL

You remember the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey, where the Space Child stares out at the audience for the longest time, and it just looks really creepy and unsettling? This is its furry cousin. Night. Mare. Fuel.
























BABY GENIUSES

I don't think anything could have saved this movie to begin with, but a freaky-looking Napoleon Dynamite baby sure doesn't help matters.
























HOSTEL PART II

Most horror movie posters are supposed to make you feel unsettled, apprehensive, nervous about what's to come. What does THIS horror movie poster make me think of? That I'd like some roast beef for dinner. Seriously, I mean, what - is a shot of spoiled beef supposed to make us fear anything besides e.Coli?
























SPIDER-MAN 2

Besides bad PhotoShop skills, besides horrible shadowing and besides the fact that the split-down-the-middle shot has all of Tobey Maguire's nose on one side, this gives the impression that the artist was bitten by a spider instead.

What a way to start the year, huh? More next time, and I think we can find some posters even more horrific than these.

In fact, I'd count on it.

Dope out.

- TGWD