Univarn: A Blogger Missed Around Here...

It seems I have ticked off yet another blogger.

Yeah yeah, I know: so what else is new?  It's not like you leave many readers happy, Dope.  Hey, no news here.

Problem is that the blogger in question this time out, Univarn (pictured here) is one of those bloggers whom I used to read quite constantly over at A Life In Equinox.

But even since I insulted his sensibilities - and apparently those of the LAMMY voting constituents - with my post back in April, wherein I tried (and failed) to promote myself for a LAMMY, he let me know that thsi was the wrong way to go about it.

Well, duh.

Rest assured, I will not even try to run next year on the basis of my all-out failure this year, but that's neither here nor there.

For those who missed the fireworks, here is his response to my clomping about:

Univarn said...

Oh no.... you didn't. You went Full Self Promo. You never go Full Self Promo! At best you play Half Self Mocking Promo. Or Mini Self Promo. Shame... you had such potential.

And with that, he has completely shut himself off.

What do I mean?  He has not posted here since then, the last mention I got on HIS blog was back on April 4th, a good 19 days before my spouting off.  Before that, a mention at least once a month, constant talking-up.  Whole nine yards-plus.  See what happens when you lose your potential?

I guess I'm getting at the fact that I miss seeing his sigs on my posts every so often and at least dropping in with a commentary.  He's one of these erudite types who classes up the joint, natch, and when he isn't around to let you know you're on the point or that you stink, well, you miss that.

It's a given that he isn't reading my blog anymore, seeing as he hasn't commented on anything here or on A Life In Equinox in over three months.  But just in case he is:

Uni, I promise I will never self-promote myself again.  Sorry I insulted your intelligence with such dross and, in the process, squandered what potential I seemed to have had.  But hey, there's still time to catch the downward spiral if you want to be part of that!  I'll save you the aisle seat, leave the light on for you and save a Slim Jim for you to snap in to.  We cool, homes?

There.  I feel much better now.  We'll see what happens from there.

You may go on about your business now, bloggers.

Dope out.

- TGWD

Moving on....

Okay, I feel much better now.

Long over the fact that I'm STILL not a LAMMY nominee, I have taken a figurative deep breath and eased on down the road, ready to take the yoke of my blog back upon myself and act as if it all never happened.

Remember the good old days, when nothing was going right, I would post a disco video - not only because I hated disco music, but also because if I couldn't be happy, why should anyone else enjoy the day?

Ahhh, memories.

I like to think nowadays, so many more reviews and posts down the road, that I have mautred as a writer and a person, so as not to let the little things bother me.  That way, I can focus on the important things such as content and consistency in...

Oh, who the hell am I kidding??!!

GAAH!!  WAAAHH!!  BLAAAGHAGHAGAAAAA!!!!



Okay...NOW I feel much better now.

I'm gonna go lie down.

Dope out.

- TGWD

2011 LAMMY Nominations Are Out!

...and guess who didn't get nominated.

Again.

For anything.

At all.

Not even a "participation" sticker.

I won't be bitter.  Really.  It just looks like I won't have to follow through on any of those campaign promises, so:

* I will NOT offer free Internet service for any LAMB members for the next three years.

* I will NOT trade naked picture of all the (cuter) LAMB members with the community.

* I will NOT offer any of my vast collection of Star Wars toys with the group.

and most importantly...

* I WILL be hunting down random members of the LAMBs (which I have on this list in my hand right here) and giving them with wedgies so painful it will remind them of high school.  Then dump their books.  Then give them swirlies.  Then shove them in their lockers.  THEN we'll see who has the last laugh!

FOOLISH MORTALS!  I'LL SHOW THEM ALL!  MUAH-HA-HA-HAAAA!!!!!!!

Ahh...there.  I feel much better now.

 I still think I I'm a funny writer.  So there.

Dope out.

- TGWD

LAMMY 2011 Self-Promotion Post 5

Fellow LAMB members, this will be my last post/appeal/begging on my digital knees to explain - in semi-grueling detail - why it's important that you should spend your hard-earned votes on me for a LAMMY Award.  ANY LAMMY Award.

I've already told you why I think I should be one of the nominees for such awards as Best Blog, Best Blog Name, Funniest Writer and Best Movie Reviewer.  Again, in semi-grueling detail.  But there is one more nomination I wouldn't mind being...uh...nominated for.  And that is:

BEST OVERALL POST

I've done some posts last year, that's for sure, 226 of 'em in fact.  But there are a few of them that I think are worth a little extra attention.  Of course I'm a little biased in some of these (duh) but I think they should at least be thought o0f when it comes time for you to go and nominate.  Here we have...

Top Things To Say To Get A Fanboy Argument Started

For anyone who knows (or maybe is) a fanboy, sorry...but at least you got a nice little microcosm of your lifestyle.

A History Of Michael Douglas' Face

A lot of history in this mug; you can practically see The Jewel Of The Nile wearing down in the crevices of his cheeks.

A Quasi-Intellectual Rant On Obscure Movies...

For any of you who think that 1989's Batman is an obscure movie, for the love of God read this.




And there you have it.  Three of my better posts from last year.  Of course, maybe I overlooked something on another post last year that I did which was better.  Maybe?  Hey, if you can find it, nominate it; I'm not picky!

Well, kids, I guess that's all I have to say on my behalf of me and my little corner of the blogosphere.  All I can say now is good luck to myself and all of the rest of my fellow LAMB members who are reaching for their own little slice of LAMMY pie.

Remember, nominating ends May 9th, so get to casting your opinions and I might see you whilst holding onto a couple of LAMMY awards of my own.

IhopeIhopeIhopeIhopeIhope....

Dope out.

- TGWD

LAMMY 2011 Self-Promotion Post 4

Woo!  Now that we are into May, the days are ticking down quickly for those of us LAMBs who are struggling up the side of the movie blogging hill to get to the top of it - or at least on one of the higher tiers.

May 9th is coming up and once the nominees are known, you LAMMY ballot voter people will have a chance to check off or click off on those you think are the most worthy of one of these coveted sheep trophies.  Nice looking awards too, they are.

Believe me, I would love more than anything to be nominated for a LAMMY, winning one would even better, but you know what - I'm going out fighting, no matter what, so there you go.

Now, let me tell you why you should think about me for a nom when it comes to:

BEST MOVIE REVIEWER

There's such a thing as taking movies too seriously, I guess, but I love these little pieces of celluloid and, can honestly say that I at least have a good combination of tastes when it comes to what I have reviewed.  Let's face it: I have seen some wild stuff - Grizzly II (which isn't really technically a movie even, just a work print), The Day The Clown Cried (which isn't really a movie but a script for a movie that is very tightly locked away in one of Jerry Lewis' private vaults he leaves his hair oil in) and even a cartoon about the sinking of the RMS Titanic.  While not normal things to review by any stretch, I guess anyone could do it.

Why should you think about ME for an award for all of these reviews, though?  Well, what can I tell you; I think when you read a review for anything - movies, TV shows, books, anything - it should be something that has enough detail in it and be entertaining enough that while yes, I may even hate the thing, I at least get enough across that you want to seek out the topic and find it yourself to make your own decision.

So why should you listen to a man who's crazy enough to watch Night of Horror?  Because I care about you, little ones.  I care about what you want to watch on TV or your PC or whatever.  I want to give you the option that while that IS a foreign ripoff of Star Wars in your hand, you should have enough knowledge of what you are abut to get into before you pop it into your DVD player.

I think I know enough about my movies to get the point across to you.  Pretty sure I do.

Besides which, who wants to read something boring?  You might as well crack open that textbook about Euclidian Geometry and say good-bye to your brain cells.  Humor is the best way to keep people awake when they're reading something - ANYTHING - and I try to put in as much of that in everything I do.  I like to be entertained by what I read.  Don't you?

So there you go.  I think that's about as good a series of reasons to nominate me up.

Remember, you have up to May 9th to nominate.  So start nominatin'...and don't forget who sent ya over!

Dope out.

- TGWD

LAMMY 2011 Self-Promotion Post 3

Now, this far along in the LAMMY Awards process, there are many deserving bloggers out there who more than deserve your votes.  And believe you me, I'll be voting for a few of them my own self - especially seeing as how I can't go and vote for myself.  Anyway, I still have to be out there and shill for myself because, after all, we bloggers are usually our own cheering section.  Believe me, I know this.

Now in this latest segment, wherein I cheer myself on to victory, waving my straggly little pennant, ready to shower myself with stale Gatorade at the end of my grueling 5000K run, I shall help you make a decision as you consider the LAMMY Awards ballot there in front of you, going over every choice with labored thought and fair-and-unbiased consideration.  And also explain why you should think about penciling me in for

FUNNIEST WRITER

Okay, maybe not THE funniest ever - there's always the guy who writes all those Rob Schneider scripts to consider for the next Mark Twain Award, after all - but I do my fair share of humorous writing here...in-between bouts of crippling depression and Monster-fueled rants and angst.  I mean good grief; I have to find humor in the fact that I'm sitting here in my underwear, one leg propped up on my computer desk (pleasant dreams), thinking about how to inject humor into a movie like The Klansman or make Rebecca Black sound entertaining in spite of herself.  

(mellow piano music in background)

Besides which,  how often in your day do you think about up to 20 cool things about anybody?  Make fun of foreign posters?  Bad American posters?  Envision clumsy robots stumbling over a defenseless town?  Let's face it: there's not enough hours in the day, so I do it for you so you'll have one less thing to worry about.

So think about whether you've laughed about a post here.  Or laughed AT a post here.  Or laughed about something else while reading a post here.  Or laughed in general and thought about me.  Or someone else laughed and you overheard them saying "great" or "dope" or "white" or any combination thereof.  If you can say yes to any of those, or half of those, or even the part about me sitting in my underwear, think about me, TheGreatWhiteDope, as the Funniest Writer for the 2011 LAMMYs.  Do it for the children.

(piano music ends)

Nominations end May 9th; see contest rules and regulations for complete information.  LAMMY Awards are a registered trademark for The Large Assoctaion of Movie Bloggers.  No copyright infringement is intended or inferred. 

And about the underwear thing, relax; it's a tasteful bikini cut.  

If I win some LAMMYs I'll show 'em off for ya.  

Come on.  Seriously.  Come on.

Dope out.

- TGWD

LAMMY 2011 Self-Promotion Post 2

Flying in the face of logic (and Univarn too, on the basis of the only comment I got the last time), I shall now tarry forward and explain why you - as a registered voter for the Annual LAMMY Awards, should consider me for the various votes this year.

...besides the fact I didn't get vote one last year and would like to at least get a "hi" and a nice wave or pat on the back or something this year....

What? No, I'm not bitter.

So with non-bitterness first and foremost in my mind, I shall now exposit on why you should type in the ol' MBZ blog as a winner for:

BEST BLOG NAME

Well yeah, of COURSE it is. Look at all the other names I had to go through before I settled on this one:

Death Farm of Movie Cooties

TGWD, you SOB

Free Car For Every Visitor To This Movie Blog

Stupid Reviews Of Stupid Movies

A Million In Cash Or I Mail The Pictures To You Wife

The Wit And Wisdom Of Heidi Montag

A Uwe Boll Jamboree

Millions Of Movies And No Life

Bad Choices And Worse Films

God, What Happened To Me; I Was Gonna Be A Writer!

Negatives

Clinical Depression

...and there's others, but I didn't want to have to have that parental advisory thing pop up every time someone came to my blog.

After all, once you hear Mecha-Blog-Zilla, you pretty much remember whose blog it is and what the blog's about, don'tcha? Good; mission accomplished.

Voting is till May 9th, so hustle on over and vote me up! Free cigars for the kids!

Dope out.

- TGWD

LAMMY 2011 Self-Promotion Post 1

Okay, I think I knew why it was didn't win one single LAMMY Award last year. Apparently, I did not self-promote enough.

That's it. Yeahhhh....

Well, since I don't want to make the same mistake THIS year, I shall now initiate a series of posts as to why YOU, the member of the Large Association of Movie Bloggers, should vote for me, TheGreatWhiteDope, in the various categories I am nominated in.

This is the first of the series and in it, I shall explain why I should be considered for the first category:

BEST BLOG

Before there was even an Internet, as far back as I can remember, I have enjoyed the act of watching movies. Even late at night on Saturdays, when our ABC station would show "Chiller Theater" and various monsters with deep, echoing voices would introduce me to a world of black and white monster movies, killers in castles movies and occasional color movies that would offer a glimpse of blood every so often.

I saw it all back then: Frankenstein, The Wolfman, Creature From The Black Lagoon, The Mummy and Godzilla after Godzilla, not to mention more than one Vincent Price incarnation. A lot of them I had only seen once: these would be ones such as Blood And Black Lace, Planets Against Us, Attack Of The Mushroom People, Unearthly Stranger and the like, but I remember them. And if you, too, recognize these titles from late at night on TV in the very early Seventies, then you know for a fact that, yes, I also watched the legendary Sinister Seymour - a man whom NO ONE I've ever mentioned his name to seems to remember, let alone acknowledge even existed at some point in time.

Anyway, watching such movies in my formative years, I grew up understanding that, while these were not exactly the best movies ever made, they were movies that were made for a reason: ENTERTAINMENT. Not just babysitters and insomniacs and people who get stood up for dates, but people who also wanted to watch a movie and enjoy what they saw. It didn't matter if it was a good movie or not, it didn't even matter if it skipped a few frames, the sound was out or sync or even starred no one you ever heard of. It was there and you enjoyed it - that's all that mattered.

Once I grew older, I found that very few of these shows existed anymore and it was very difficult to find any of the really obscure movies I grew up watching and loved dearly. THEN....

I found the Internet.

Groups of people who loved talking about, sharing memories about and even sharing clips and pictures from the old gems of yesteryear...even some newer gems that held the same charm and entertainment charge their elders did. I'd been on a lot of discussion groups that loved discussing back and forth on such halcyon days. These groups - The Bad Movie Message Board, The Agony Booth and Badmovies.org - I shall forever be indebted to for bringing me back into the light of such glorious days.

Something else I also noticed about a lot of the denizens of such boards...they had their own websites. Never, I thought in my naivete, would I be able to come up with something so well-thought, so urbane, so witty and informative as the sites brought up by such wits as these.

Then the thought came to me: why shouldn't I try?

So...with no alternative reasoning why I shouldn't...I did.

I jumped around for a while, trying my luck at a domain here and there - Tripod, Freewebs, and the like, where things came to be as TheGreatWhiteDope's Review Cave (yeah, I know, really original) until the day I came across Blogger.com, where you could make your own blog and post anything that tickles your fancy.

And so TheGreatWhiteDope's Mecha-Blog-Zilla came to be. And from such humble pie beginnings, I have posted movie reviews, TV reviews, celebrity nonsense, lists upon lists, many special segments about bad movie posters and the futility of releasing a movie in 1985 and even a webcomic!

Wow.

First and foremost, this is a blog I care about deeply and brought to life for the sheer virtue of discussing movies that have made a difference in my life -for good or bad - and have shaped me as I am today. Even if it's a bad movie, I'll describe it in such a way that maybe you'll even want to seek it out. Maybe.

Everything I am, know and care about is in this blog and if there's something that I want to share with my loyal readers, I will try to do so in an entertaining way that makes you care about it as well. That's my end goal.

This is what makes the Mecha-Blog-Zilla what it is and I hope beyond the shadow of a doubt, you read it time and again to glean some of that excitement and wonder of those nights in front of the TV watching some flickering image of monsters or otherworldly horror.

And maybe even remember what it was like to be young again, and enjoy the good of the bad.

This is my blog, and I hope you will consider it as the Best Blog of the Year.

Dope out.

- TGWD

It's LAMMY Time Again!

Well, it looks like it's that time of year again; a time for tears, frustration, anguish, panic and heartbreak - yes, it's The 2011 LAMMY Awards!

I know that this is a major thing for many bloggers such as myself who think that their blog is the be-all-to-end-all. THE blog of blogs! And even though I didn't even get nominated for anything like a "Participation" ribbon or something like that. Maybe this is my year. Lord knows I'm gonna go out stumping for myself as hard as possible.

Oh yeah; before I forget, there are some of you who aren't aware, so I'll elucidate: there is a website known as The Large Association of Movie Blogs where all the big kids who have blogs devoted to movies of some stripe or other go and sip brandy, lounge around in red smoking jackets and talk about the differences in Pauly Shore movies and the like.

I am a member myself (#487, in fact) and owe my membership to fellow movie blogger Jason Soto of Invasion of the B Movies for leading me over that-a-ways and setting me into the fold.

And every year, awards are given out for certain blogs who are found to be prime examples in such divisions as Best Blog, Best Blog Design, Funniest Writer, Best Running Feature and so on. There's a lot of awards to be handed out and I, like everyone else, must submit a banner ad For Your Consideration and for your votes. My banner this year is pretty good and succinct, I must say:


























How could the LAMMY committee at large let this one slip by this year, I ask you???

There is going to be a lot of competition this year and, up until May 9th, I'm going to be in there punching as hard as I can and fighting for those votes to get there in the nominees and make sure that I at least get one LAMMY this year.

You better believe it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have to build up my campaign strategy. Vote TGWD!

Dope out.

- TGWD