Univarn: A Blogger Missed Around Here...

It seems I have ticked off yet another blogger.

Yeah yeah, I know: so what else is new?  It's not like you leave many readers happy, Dope.  Hey, no news here.

Problem is that the blogger in question this time out, Univarn (pictured here) is one of those bloggers whom I used to read quite constantly over at A Life In Equinox.

But even since I insulted his sensibilities - and apparently those of the LAMMY voting constituents - with my post back in April, wherein I tried (and failed) to promote myself for a LAMMY, he let me know that thsi was the wrong way to go about it.

Well, duh.

Rest assured, I will not even try to run next year on the basis of my all-out failure this year, but that's neither here nor there.

For those who missed the fireworks, here is his response to my clomping about:

Univarn said...

Oh no.... you didn't. You went Full Self Promo. You never go Full Self Promo! At best you play Half Self Mocking Promo. Or Mini Self Promo. Shame... you had such potential.

And with that, he has completely shut himself off.

What do I mean?  He has not posted here since then, the last mention I got on HIS blog was back on April 4th, a good 19 days before my spouting off.  Before that, a mention at least once a month, constant talking-up.  Whole nine yards-plus.  See what happens when you lose your potential?

I guess I'm getting at the fact that I miss seeing his sigs on my posts every so often and at least dropping in with a commentary.  He's one of these erudite types who classes up the joint, natch, and when he isn't around to let you know you're on the point or that you stink, well, you miss that.

It's a given that he isn't reading my blog anymore, seeing as he hasn't commented on anything here or on A Life In Equinox in over three months.  But just in case he is:

Uni, I promise I will never self-promote myself again.  Sorry I insulted your intelligence with such dross and, in the process, squandered what potential I seemed to have had.  But hey, there's still time to catch the downward spiral if you want to be part of that!  I'll save you the aisle seat, leave the light on for you and save a Slim Jim for you to snap in to.  We cool, homes?

There.  I feel much better now.  We'll see what happens from there.

You may go on about your business now, bloggers.

Dope out.

- TGWD

"Heaven's Gate" And The Art Of Wishful Thinking...

Yes, I already reviewed this one a while back, and I don't really have anything different to interject about the movie itself (it's still bad).

But a few days ago I came across a particular TV ad for Heaven's Gate that I had to share, for reasons that are about to become crystal clear.



First of all, this is the first TV ad for Heaven's Gate that I have ever seen in my life - come to think of it, I don't think I even saw any ads on TV for this on its first go-around! But the more pressing fact as to why this is such an important advertisement stems from one fact alone....

You notice where they say this movie is going to be showing?  The Plitt Century Plaza 1 and 2?  Those were theaters in Century City - you know; Hollywood, California?  Where all the big deal premieres were shown? 

Well, this ad came out BEFORE the premieres in New York City, where Heaven's Gate was all but run out of town on a rail, and United Artists had to cough up a bunch of "Engagement Postponed" stickers to put on all of their posters in the theaters way out West.

In other words, this is an ad for a showing that was never to be.

Kind of like the ads NBC showed for their coverage of the 1980 Summer Olympics (go ask your folks about that one).

This is kind of historic, though; to look at this ad, would YOU expect something to happen on the scale of what happened with Heaven's Gate?  That is, the 500 mile-wide explosion that left a crater 5 miles deep in the center of United Artists' business, livelihood and reputation? 

No, you'd expect something befitting the legacy of "The Academy Award-Winning Director Of The Deer Hunter".

Instead, everybody got the Gate.

Hee-hee.

Dope out.

- TGWD

Megan Fox Out Of "Transformers 3"...What, Again?

 Excuse me, wait a minute; isn't this the same story I reported on a while back?  There wasn't a story I missed where Spielberg hired her back because it was all a big mistake then she got fired again, right?

Hold on, I gotta check this....

I KNEW IT!  This was old news when I posted it over a year ago, people.  And they all but said that the reason she was booted out on her plasticene rump was because she compared Mike Bay to Hitler...AND to Napoleon.  Uh...hmmm.

Okay, she could have gotten away with Napoleon, because EVERYBODY gets compared to Napoleon and think nothing of it, because...well, because it's Napoleon!  Who gets insulted being compared to a short Frenchman with a funny hat?  Besides other Frenchmen?

Hitler, though?  And Steven "Schindler's List" Speilberg standing right there with your paycheck in his hand? 

...Meg, hon' - I think some of that silicone seeped its way up into the ol' brain cavity, there.

Besides, when it comes to insulting your bosses, there are a lot more conventional comparisons she could have made without getting in so much trouble that she lose her job:

"Oh, he was like Madonna on the set; he acted touched, but I'm sure it wasn't for the very first time."

"Michael has less vision and talent than my last three plastic surgeons."

"You wanna talk tactless?  Bay was as insensitive to my feelings as Don Rickles was to that poor old drunk guy Dean Martin!"

"I'd rather be directed by someone with more talent...like that guy who did The Rock, you know: what's-his-name...."

"Every day on the set was like being on an episode of 'Hope and Faith'...only without that 'Murphy Brown' chick."

 "Yelling, screaming, cursing...if I had wanted Lindsay Lohan as a director, I'd have asked for her."

"Every day of shooting I was ridiculed, talked down to and made to look ridiculous in front of my peers.  It was like being tag-teamed by Joan Rivers and Harry Knowles."








Oh, I could come up with more, but I think this is more than enough 15-minutes of ridicule to do for now.

And as for Megan; good luck with that next big movie...uh...whatever it is, I can't seem to find the name of it anywhere.... 

Just remember not to compare anyone else to Axis leaders, 'kay?

Dope out.

- TGWD