And The Winner Of The Dope-A-Palooza Contest Swag-Winning Thing! (2nd Edition) IS...

Okay, the time has come, TGWD said, to talk of many things; of shoes, and ships, and sealing-wax, of cabbages and kings, of why I prattle endlessly when you want to know who won this thing....

Uh...ahem. Yes, okay - you've all waited long enough to hear who won this, and as is my word, I shall now announce the winner of the drawing for The Dope-A-Palooza Contest Swag-Winning Thing (2nd Edition).

(drawing from an unseen hat of names)

The winner is...

(drum roll)

Simon of Four Of Them.

Jeez, first you win a measly LAMMY and now this, too? Yarsh!

Anyway, congrats to thee, Simon. I'll e-mail you to get the mailing info to which to mail your fine swag.

But first, some unfinished business....

To my fine four runners-up - newest member Holly of Holly's Horrorland, yours is a fine site and I'm sorry your name wasn;t drawn but this was only the first contest of mine you entered; please don't be embittered by this tragic loss.  Your heart will go on. Brother-In-Films Jason of Invasion Of The B-Movies, you know I dig ya and the cuckoo-nutty thing you do, bro, but the stars just weren't aligned for you this time out. We'll do lunch sometime. Other newest member Justine of Justine's Halloween, I think you have the soul of a champion and will go on to win a contest such as this in the not-to-distant future - maybe even the Publisher's Clearing House! And dear pal and arteeste Alex of Film Forager, you know how cool I think you are but hey...maybe you'll strike gold next time!

And now, I better find a nice box in which to mail some swag out in...heads up, Simon!

Okay, that's the prize-winning this time out, kiddies; now I gotta figure out how to top this NEXT year! Hmmm....

Dope out.

- TGWD

(IMMEDIATE EDIT - Uhh...that is, I would if I even had her e-mail address!  Okay, fine; Simon, if you're even out there, just e-mail me, will ya?  If you need, Alex can get you my e-mail address...I don't wanna blurt it out here for everyone to see and jeopardize my cover. And again, congrats.  Sheesh....)

And The Nominees For The Dope-A-Palooza Contest Swag-Winning Thing! (2nd Edition) ARE...

Alright, the time is nigh where the nominees for eligibility are nigh, esteemed colleagues.

That's right; The Dope-A-Palooza Contest Swag-Winning Thing! (2nd Edition) process has come to the point where being up for consideration has ended, and now it'a just a matter of reading off the names.  

Which is where we are now, co-ink-a-dinkally.

Therefore, the eligible nominees for the aforementioned swag ready for awarding in The Dope-A-Palooza Contest Swag-Winning Thing! (2nd Edition) are: 

SIMON of FOUR OF THEM (fourofthem.blogspot.com)

HOLLY of HOLLY'S HORRORLAND (hollyshorrorland.blogspot.com)

JASON of INVASION OF THE B-MOVIES (invasionofthebmovies.blogspot.com) 

JUSTINE of JUSTINE'S HALLOWEEN (justineshalloween.blogspot.com)

ALEX of FILM FORAGER (filmforager.com)

Five pristine nominees.  Five individuals all a-jonesin' for the chance at some cool, righteous stuff.  Their own cool movies, their own zombie toe tag and their own original artwork from TGWD.  Who could ask for anything more out of life?  Really?  I ask you....

Okay; that was the easy part.  Now I shall have to get the names of these nominees in a receptacle of some sort, shake 'em around and draw out one...and that lucky one will be the winner of the stuff in question.  The winner will be posted here before 8:00 PM EST here today, so the nominees may go about their business and have as many complientary drinks at Grauman's Chinese Theater as they like.  

Just don't pull an Rhys Ifans if you don't win, 'kay?

Alright.  Watch this spot until the big announcement, kids, and good luck to every one of you!

Dope out.

- TGWD

Plugging Up A Site: DeeT's 70s Page

Ahh, THIS site.  DeeT's 70s Page.  Now this one is a true and unadulterated classic.

Now when I first got into the whole Internets thing in 1994 or so, I can remember that this is one of the first websites I visited.  Why?  Because this is all done by a guy who has a singular love of what he does...much like anyone else who has their own website.

The owner, operator and CEO of DeeT's 70s Page, one David B. Thomas, is a man who had the foresight as a 10 year-old to record a lot of passing fancies on TV and the radio with his ever-present tape recorder, preserve them and unearth them for all posterity, thus bringing to all humanity the hope and glory that was the 1970s.

You know: Boy-O-Boy-Ar-Dee, Patty Hearst, "A Fifth of Beethoven", all those TV ads for the Better Business Bureau, Orson Welles talking about Paul Masson wine, John Travolta's singing career - all of it is here, including an "ancient Chinese secret" or two.

There are audio clips, video clips, reminisces, radio ads, TV ads, all of them either from DeeT's personal archives or donated by various benefactors.  Being a child of the era myself, this stuff really took me back to a time when polyester, shiny dress shirts, bell bottoms, Sweathogs and Dandy Don Meredith were all in fashion.  He even has a page where you can download the software necessary to play the clips - now THAT is a thoughtful guy!

In fact, there is even this really fun test you can take to see just how much you remember about the Seventies and all of its pop culture enclosed within. TAKE THE TEST HERE and see how you do; funny, I hadn't thought about a Marathon Candy Bar in ages....

Speaking directly to my homies here; if there are any of you who remember anything about this decade, you probably should go over to DeeT's 70s Page right now.  This is one site which will not disappoint you.

...And to you, David Thomas - thank you so much for taking the time and effort to making a website that is fun, is entertaining, and brings back so many memories I thought were long gone forever. 

Dope out.

- TGWD

Today Is The Deadline For The Dope-A-Palooza Contest Swag-Winning Thing! (2nd Edition)

Okay; this is it, hosers!

Within the next few hours...or at least after the next few hours or so pass, I will be announcing the finalists for The Dope-A-Palooza Contest Swag-Winning Thing! (2nd Edition)...and what a battle it's been, folks!

The sweat!  The Passion!  The Determination!  The....

Okay, to be perfectly honest, I'm just glad that we've already got one more finalist in on this now than there was for the loot last year (though admittedly, the loot last year was kind of painful, amirite here, Alex?).

CLICK HERE FOR A FINAL CHANCE FOR YOU TO ENTER AND ALSO TO SEE WHAT THE SWAG IS ONE MO' TIME.

Here's how it will go down; after 11:59 PM tonight (MY time), I will announce who the finalists are for the stuff, and then before the end of the following day (that's Sunday, if you're not from around here), the grand poobah fancy-schmancy winner person will be announced, prepared for their walk down the Hall of Shame (FAME!  I meant "fame", of course...fame.) and claim their swag.

Their treasure.

Their loot.

Their stuff they're going to be building a personally-designed plastic case in which to display it all in.

So hurry up and enter if you haven;t already.  There's still five-or-so more hours in which to get in on this!  Head for the mountains, obey your thirst, put an ice cube in and get a snowcone out...okay well, maybe not that last one, but get in on The Dope-A-Palooza Contest Swag-Winning Thing! (2nd Edition) and be a winner!

GET THAT GUY OUTTA HERE!

(ahem...) Uh...Dope out.

- TGWD

Amy Winehouse Dead at 27.

Twenty-seven years old.  Wow.

Yes, I know and I'm fully aware that I've never mentioned anything about her before.  Oh, I could have, to be sure.  I could have made some disparaging remarks about all the drugs and the booze and the carousing and what all this had done to her body and how she became the shell of what she once was.  I could have...but I didn't.

Because I knew that something like this was going to happen.

The same thing that happened to Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, and other such singers who were just allowed to destroy themselves without any thought or restraint.  THEN people look back and say, "oh what a tragic loss"?  Like it was something that was inevitable - something that could never have been stopped?

I could use some expletives right now and explain that no death like this is non-preventable, but that's like screaming after the train after it crashes into a car that's been sitting on the tracks for years.

I don't know about you, but I've listened to a couple of Amy's songs and thought they were good, and have you heard her "comeback" album "Rehab"?  You ought to.

As far as the rest of this post goes, let me leave you with two things: the inevitable video:



And something else: this picture:

 

Just as a reminder of what used to be.

Rest in peace, Amy.

Dope out.

- TGWD

Are You Excited, Precious?

Are you?  Well, are you, precious??

Is it getting closer, precious?

Is it actually a physical reality that it is coming in the foreseeable future, precious?

Are we ready for the inevitable flame-wars between action geeks, movie fanboys and Tolkien purists on every movie board known to man, precious?

..We're not?

Well then, maybe this precious can convince you, precious...?

 

YO YO YO!  WHERE MY HOBBITS AT???!

ONE! TWO! THREE! TO DA FO', TO DA SIX,

YOU BE JONESIN' FO YA FIX ON THE NEW HOBBIT PICS!

YOU SALIVATIN', GETTIN' YO BILBO ON?!

WE ROCKIN' DA SHIRE FROM THE DUSK TO DA DAWN!

WE GOT ELROND! LEGOAS! SARUMAN HEAH!

WE GOT SMAUG WITH HIS BIG A** UP IN THE AIR!

GALADRIEL! GOLLUM! THEY ALL BE DA SAME!

AND 13 SHORT DWARVES; I DON'T KNOW THEY NAMES!

THEY ALL STRAIGHT-UP FIGHTIN', THEY ALL KNOW DA SCORE!

MY HOMEBOY JACKSON BE DIRECTIN'; WHAT YOU WANNA KNOW?

THEY BRINGIN' DA SWORDS! THEY BRINGIN' DA HURT!

THEY BRINGIN' BRIAN BLESSED?  WOO! SPOILER ALERT!!!

YOU HANG ONTO YO RINGZ TILL DECEMBER NEXT YEAR!

CUZ DA HOBBIT IS ALMOST KINDA CLOSE TO BEIN' UP HEAH!

WORD!  OAKTOWN!!

I can't be any more succinct than that, precious.

Goll...uh, Dope out.

- TGWD

20 Cool Things About Marlon Brando

1. Any man who would inspire Keith Richards to name his son after him is okay in anybody's book.

2. Never had to depend on a diet for a good performance.

3. Made directors feel his $1 million price tag was money well-spent.  Usually.

4. Neil Young, David Bowie, Madonna, Slipknot, Billy Joel and Bruce Springsteen sing about him - there must have been something about the guy.

5. When you live on the same street as Warren Beatty and Jack Nicholson, ladies are gonna look for ya.

6. He looked good on a Beatles album cover.

7. Ice cream...milk...butter...The National Dairy Council missed a chance at a Grade A ambassador.

8. Apparently, he had a thing for women whose names ended with an "A".

9. He made ham radios cool.

10. Everyone loved getting personal checks from him.

11. He may not have been that good of a chess player, but still was able to rate games with George C. Scott.

12. I'm pretty sure I argued with him on an Internet chat room once.

13. Even Bette Davis said they had a lot in common.

14. One of those few actors who could share the screen with a midget while playing the piano.

15. Food never had a better spokesperson.

16. Never worked with Pauly Shore. Never will.

17. He came this close to being Genghis Khan.

18. Not everyone could get away with calling Frank Oz "Miss Piggy".

19. At least once, he totally rocked bright orange hair.

20. The man out-viced Charlie Sheen.

Dope out.

- TGWD

The Official Mecha-Blog-Zilla Paris Hilton Interview!

What is the world coming to?  I mean, how hard can it be to insult Paris Hilton so that she walks right out on her own interview?

I guess some people are just good at finding the right pressure-points on some people so as to insult them in juuuust the right way.  I mean, accusations of drunken binges, drug use, unflattering South Park caricatures and whoring out herself for millions to add to her billions...and she still has a sensitive spot???  HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE??

I mean come on, interviewer guy; you apparently approached that whole interview the completely wrong way, seeing as how when *I talked to her, she just trooped along and....

...hm?

Oh please, you KNEW there was going to be something like this come up!

I mean sure, this interview happened a couple of years ago, but I never posted it because...well...it was just too embarrassing.  Much like the time I spoke with Charlie Sheen, only more...Paris Hilton-y.

Let me set the mood: a while back this disguised voice called me up and asked if I wanted to meet and interview a celebrity, and if so, then I better get to the Days Inn at 7023 West Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood quick.  I had no time to ask who that person was before they hung up...and didn't have to when I saw my caller ID said it was from Paris Hilton's home phone number. Putting two and two together, you know.

I then caught the next plane out, found the Days Inn and there in the lobby was Paris, collapsed next to an unidentified Puerto Rican man quietly singing "Guantanamera" to himself.  She was trying to wear a Christian Dior off-the-shoulder burlap sack-looking number and Green Keds.  (what is it with celebrities and green footwear?)  Undaunted by her near-unconsciousness, I began the interview immediately.

THEGREATWHITEDOPE - Miss Hilton...?


PARIS HILTON - (snaps out of sleep) ¡Más tequila! (looks at me)  Ohhh...where's the tequila?


TGWD - Uh, I was told you wanted to do an interview with....


PH - Oh hey, you're that blog guy who did that review for Grizzly II, aren't you?



 TGWD - You read that?


 PH - (laughs) Nah!  But my publicist did...and she said it'd be good if I talked to someone like you who had a funny view of.... (drifts off)

 TGWD - ...


 PH - Wanna pet my kitty? (she holds up the white ball of hair on her lap)


 TGWD - Is it alive?


 PH  - I don't know; Mister Froo-Froo hasn't said much since "The Microwave Incident".


 TGWD - "The Mic..."?


 PH - Shhh...(looks around, whispers) we don't talk about "The Microwave Incident".  At least not while the SPCA's payin' me.  (tosses hair ball aside with a thud) Sooo...whaddya wanna talk 'bout, Mister Great White Shark?

 TGWD  - Dope.


 PH - No thanks, I'm full!  (laughs out loud, stops, looks around) Is the room spinning?



TGWD - Why don't we start with your childhood?


PH - Okey-doke.


(several minutes pass in silence)

TGWD - Miss Hilton?


PH - Yah?


TGWD - Your childhood?


PH - Oh, you meant NOW!  Okay...I was....  Tell you the truth, it was pretty much a blur from 12 on.

TGWD - But before that?


PH - Psh!  NOTHING! (beat) Oh, but I remember the bong!


TGWD - The...bong.


PH - The bong was my friend.  (dreamy)  Always there for me.  My buddy.  Bong buddy.  Buddy bong.... (distant look)


TGWD - Okay, I see where this is going.  Why don't I just ask a few random questions and see what I can get away with asking you, how does that sound?


PH - Did you know that Denver, Colorado has an ordinance that if your last name is Hilton they won't let you have a little harmless (makes quotes with fingers) "cocaine orgy" in the Ramada pool area?  Found that out the hard way.


TGWD - Do you think it's possible that you're too famous for your own good?


PH - If that means not getting your picture on your own line of kiddie cosmetics and pregnancy detector things, then NO!


TGWD - Are you afraid you'll wake up one day and not be famous anymore?


PH - As long as the liquor holds out, I'll live in a cardboard box, honey!


TGWD - How about the fact that people only like you because your name is Paris Hilton?


PH - Just don't call me Nicole Ritchie and we'll be fine.


TGWD - Don't you own a decent pair of underwear?


PH - My thongs keep riding up over my hips; can't figure that out.


TGWD - You led Britney Spears down the path to Hell with you for awhile, didn't you?


PH - (fondly) Boy, she sure knew where all the good bars were...and could she karaoke!


TGWD - You're not really a very good interviewee, you know...


PH - GWAN-TAN-A-MAAARRRRE-UHHH!


TGWD- Okay, I think we're...


PH - I GOT A GWAN-TAN-A-MAAARRRRE-UHHH!!!


It was at this point in the interview when she and the Puerto Rican gentleman next to her proceeded to sing "Guantanamera" an almost certain record 58 times without one note being in tune and Days Inn security was called and we were escorted off the property that I knew things couldn't be recovered.  Within minutes, Miss Hilton had stepped out of her dress, hitched a ride on the back of a tractor trailer truck headed for Huntington Beach.

Mind you, though, at no time did she walk out on the interview.  So come on, interviewer guy: learn to ask the right questions.  At the right time.

Dope out.

- TGWD

*= By the way, there is every indication that this interview never took place, seeing as I had drank a whole bottle of cough syrup and was on painkillers at the time.  Still doesn't explain the overnight plane tickets to Hollywood, though....