DJ 'Zilla In Da Howze!

I know a few people who are...let's just call them fans of the Japanese monster legend known as Gojira (or Godzilla to us Yanks).

Now, I'm not talking about the Dean Devlin schlep-fest that made everyone and everything involved (including the big green guy) look stupid. I'm talkin' old school, homie. I mean '60s-'70s style; the good old days when they kept it (semi-) real. Back when he used to fight a newly-discovered creature every film. Gigan, Hedorah. Megalon, Monster Zero, The Sea Monster, Mothra...he even fought himself with Mecha-Godzilla.

Now that was a Godzilla to be proud of.

So, what does The Z Man do to celebrate after fighting a few monsters, leveling a few square miles of Tokyo, terrorizing milliions, that sorta thing?

He gets down.

He is Iron Man...I mean, Iron Godzilla.



Godzilla also can't touch this....



He gives his fans the "Word Up"...



...and, of course, saves the earth...while trancing!



Rock on, Big Green. Dope out.

-TGWD

Back When MTV Meant Something...

I'm going to go on a little bit of a rant here, so I ask for your forgiveness in advance.

Back in the days of yore (i.e.: 1981), a new channel came out called Music Television; MTV, for short. And it showed little video representations of popular rock and pop tunes of the day. It also ushered in a new era of music star - in fact, several of them; the heavier the rotation the better.

Duran Duran, Madonna, ZZ Top, Culture Club - they all benefitted from the advent of said MTV and everyone made lots of money. And let's face it, there was some good music to be had back then, what with all the up-and-comers trying to emulate their juke box heroes.

But....

Something happened along the way; the rebels at MTV became button-down TV execs and decided to play out to a larger demographic by having specials on celebrities and movie premieres, news reports, social commentaries, game shows, awards shows, documentaries, special presentations on everything under the sun except for music.

Which brings us up to this point in time, where MTV is a brand name now instead of a music video network. It's become more white-collar than any of the older, more established networks of old. Kind of disappointing.

And even VH1, which was established to play the lighter MTV fare has succumbed to the point wherein they play any and everything under the sun but music videos.

But what of VH1 Classics, that channel that plays what MTV used to? A good channel, and I watch it often, but it's still just a sad reminder that the video stars of the First Coming have done the unthinkable - they've gotten older and made our own memories of what used to be all that much sadder. After all, do we need to hear "Fleetwood Mac" and "Reunion Tour" in the same sentence?

That much being said, it's only fitting that any of us who grew up watching the rocket launch and that astronaut staring at the color-changing flag while that familiar "DUNN! Da-dunn! Da-dunn! Da-dunn!" guitar rhythm played would want to be reminded of the "good-old days", so to speak.

So, fellow '80s music lovers, prepare to step into the time machine and set the Way-Back for August 1st, 1981.



Then, 'natch, came their first music video. Remember Buggles?



And there was nothing...NOTHING...like witnessing the first music videos as the artists were initially testing the waters. Like Soft Cell....



...Asia....



...Toto....



...The Clash....



...Toni Basil (she's so fine she blows my mind)....



And the kings of this kind of thing, Duran Duran!



You newbies with your Good Charlotte and your Nelly Furtado and your MXPX, pay heed! They all came from somewhere! And they all had their old school heroes!

Ah well, I still want my MTV, but not today's. My day's.

Dope out.

-TGWD

Police Squad - In Color!

Many of you are familiar with the Naked Gun series of movies; the ones that served Leslie Nielsen so well, and did wonders for the images of Priscilla Presley, George Kennedy and O.J. Simpson (!) - but did you know that even these films were the spinoffs of a TV series?

Oh yes; "Police Squad" came on ABC in 1982 and, surprisingly, lasted only one season - but not before leaving an indelible impression on the TV-watching public. Imagine watching the same kind of gags from the Naked Gun series, only having them all jam-packed into a 30-minute time period. Humor overload!

Nielsen starred in these also, having been a fave of the producers (Jim Abrahams, David Zucker and Jerry Zucker) since playing a doctor in the movie Airplane! - Nielsen's debut foray in the world of slapstick.

They say that "Police Squad"'s one and only season is finally coming out on DVD this year. All I can say is that it's about danged time.

Until then, let's relax in the warm glow of the show's beginning credits:



...along with a classic scene where Nielsen's Frank Drebin and his Captain Ed Hocken (Alan North) visit the Little Italy district:



As you can see, it's a beautiful thing. And now I have to "patiently" wait for this to come out on DVD. Oh well...here's hoping they have Nielsen doing the disc commentary.

Dope out.

-TGWD

Movies As You (Don't) Remember Them: Part 1.5

You may recall a few posts back that I had recently discovered the art of taking movie trailers, re-editing them and making something altogether different from them - i.e., making The Sound Of Music an action drama, Groundhog Day a horror movie, etc.

Well, I just happened to stumble across another such trailer that, in and of itself, has done something altogether brilliant and made itself into a trailer for a movie that...yes, I would indeed pay to see.

Be it known to all who read this that I am not a fan of Titanic for anything but its technical achievements, of which it has earned all its praise. That is why I find the premise for this proposed sequel all the more entertaining. You may love it or hate it entirely; as for me - I think I'm going to watch the trailer for the 50th time then make my decision.

Won't you join me, then, in watching Titanic 2?



I think Leo should be making a few calls to get this to happen. Now.

More later. Dope out.

-TGWD

"Dünyayi kurtaran adam" - a.k.a. The BEST "Star Wars" Ripoff EVER!

First of all, as a couple of previous postings may have already told you, I am a big Star Wars fan. have been since back in the day and yes, I'm the guy that even has nice things to say about Episodes I and II.

JarJar; he's my homeboy.

So you may be surprised to know that I love other movies that emulate SW and its inattainable mythos. Such as the following does...or maybe it doesn't, I dunno. But you can't say they didn't try, at least as far as their budget would allow them. One, in fact, has held me enthralled ever since I've seen it. I just can't say enough about it, save for the fact that it rocks mine and everybody else's socks off for a 500 square mile radius.

Dünyayi kurtaran adam is the movie in question, coming as it does from Turkey - the Bollywood of...well, let's just say they have their own method of film-making, just like India, and let's leave it at that. Copyrights? Nah. Original ideas? Forget 'em. Good special effects? Good is subjective. This film must be seen to be believed. For a film that contains as much footage from Star Wars and music from other movies altogether, and even throws in some footage here and there from Basil Rathbone's last film The Magic Sword, this one is weird mamajama.

But allow me to show you just HOW weird Dünyayi kurtaran adam is, those who stil believe their is sanity in the world. Some clips should suffice:

A training montage of legend, wherein rocks play an important part.



And a fight against shaggy muppets and guys in skeleton costumes with helmets. What the hero does to that last red muppet is just cruel.



...but that should give you an idea of what to expect.

Now, go find a search engine and seek out a copy to buy. It's money well-spent. Trust me.

Dope out.

-TGWD

Gonna Make Ya Feel....

See the cartoon cutie up there?

Well, just click her picture and you'll be taken to a site that has (in my opinion) one of the coolest Flash files ever.

And even if it isn't the coolest, at least it has a good backbeat and you can dance to it.

Just do it. And enjoy!

Dope out.

-TGWD

It's Saturday Morning! Cartoon Time!

Rise and shine, you buncha 40 year-olds-plus! It's Saturday morning and you know what that means!

CARTOONS!

And I don't mean the ones they have on now - no Pokemons or Power Rangers or junk like that. I mean real cartoons - the kind we used to watch in the '70s. You know; comfort cartoons. So get a bowl of cereal, curl up in your pajamas and shut out the rest of the world - it's Cartoon Time!

First, we'll start with a classic 'toon that NO ONE remembers. Yes, it's time for "The Adventures of Muhammad Ali". Yes, you heard me - voiced by The Greatest himself.



Now let's change the channel and watch....let's see...oh! "Sabrina The Teenage Witch" is on! Oh, I love that one! And no, Melissa Joan Hart wasn't even BORN then.



Ah good, it's Time for Timer.



Some live action shows to clean the palate...OOH! "Jason of Star Command" This rocks!



I almost forgot "The Monster Squad" was on....



"Groovie Goolies" Everybody shout! Come on now, sing out!



Ahh..."The Krofft Supershow". Kaptain Kool and the Kongs were really...uh...kooky (Plus, I had a huge-time crush on Superchick).



A little "Schoolhouse Rock" to get our education quotient in...unpack your adjectives!



And it wraps up with the news...KID'S style, 'natch.



Well, that's enough for this morning; the Pro Bowler's Tour will be on next anyhow. Never fear, though - I'll find some more next Saturday for you. You're welcome.

Dope out. And don't hog all the Cocoa Puffs.

A Cromulent Means Of Avoiding Galimatias...

Found a great site today that gives an A-to-Z listing of completely obsolete and unused words. It's completely ostrobogulous and will add luculence to your outrapely. Just don't sound like a blaguer, okay?

Here's the link: BROWNIELOCKS.

Use one or two of these words during the course of your work day. It'll be funny; trust me.

Not much effort in the post today, I know. Guess I'm just being a huderon. ;)

Dope out.

-TGWD

Scary Trailer, Lousy Movie - Part One

It's happened to the best of us; we get psyched up by a totally, awesomely horrific movie trailer we catch on TV or at the local multiplex, we wait weeks and months for the same-hyped movie then the big day comes, we sit eagerly in our theater seats, the lights go down, we're ready to be totally freaked out of our fragile little minds, and....

We're let down, to put it mildly.

Don't be ashamed, its a common thing that happens more often than not and everyone feels stupid later. Live and learn, man; live and learn.

The art of a misleading trailer, though, is not a new thing. Even as far back as your own folks going to the movies has this practice been put to use. The film-makers put minimal effort into making their product and then, realizing they're gonna tank if they don't do something fast, put double the effort into making a preview trailer that'll knock the audience's collective socks off.

Sure, the movie still sucks but it'll do good business for the first week or so, at least.

And to prove my point, allow me to show a couple of examples to you, the non-believer. Here's a good one, relatively speaking:

MST3K fans (like me) are familiar with the film The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies. Just imagine being an impressionable teen sitting in the theater looking for a good, scary movie and an ad for this...thing came on. Would you be chomping at the bit to plunk down your cash for this "fear-fest"? Methinks so, sucker.



Here's a classic. With a title like Invasion of the Blood Farmers, how could this not be scary? That evil narration helps, don't it?

If you're like me, you'll agree that Equinox was an exercise in cool special effects on a limited budget, and an excellent calling card for Dennis Muren. And for Frank ("WKRP"'s Herb Tarlek) Bonner too, I suppose. But I think they could have toned it down on the reverb near the end...and does repeating the title of the movie equal fear and terror? Lemme try...Mecha-Blog-Zilla! MECHA-BLOG-ZILLA!! MECHA-BLOG-...ahh, forget it.



Here's something a little later down the road, circa 1981. New Year's Evil. If you have a Halloween/Friday The 13th-based ripoff, what's the best way to promote it? I'm not asking for myself, but on behalf of the film-makers, since they don't seem to have any idea themselves, except for showing some scarily-disjointed scenes of bad punk singing, Teri Copley crying in the back of a car and some dweeb wearing a Stan Laurel mask. Yep; John Carpenter, watch your back.



Oh yes! Werewolves on Wheels! FREAKIN' Werewolves on FREAKIN' Wheels! What could be scarier? What could be cooler? What could be more misleading...there were only two werewolves and I think only ONE of them actually got on a chopper. In spite of the "intense" trailer, I don't think this played well in Peoria.



Well, I hope that gives you an idea of what we, the average 70s/80s movie-goer, had to put up with. If not, though, never fear - this is only Part One in a two-parter; I'll have some more 'zamples for you. Hey, if nothing else, it'll give us old fogies some fond memories, huh?

Dope out.

-TGWD

Same Stuff, New Day...New Look!

BTW, quick note here...I changed the look around a tad.

Like you regular readers (all three of you) couldn't notice. Duh.

Whaddya think? Feel free to post, pallie!

Later. Dope out.

-TGWD

Hollywood's Modern Day Kiss of Death

EDITORIAL - None of what you are about to read should be construed as my having anything against the person whom I am speaking about. Heck, this individual is probably the nicest person on Earth and donates their time regularly to many worthwhile charitable organizations in their off-hours. All I'm saying is that I've noticed certain anomalies that surround them and their works. So if this sounds like a diatribe against an individual, it isn't. It's just...observations. Thank you. -TGWD

Many of you have probably noticed a pattern in certain actors and/or actresses. You know, ones who seem to pop up in various venues but are just simply deadweight; ones that appear in movies and TV series that are seemingly doomed from the get-go. Oh, there's other actors, directors and writers involved (GOOD ones, too) with that same project but it's that one person that seemingly pulls everyone else down into a vortex of misery and ocular pain that nothing, not even talent, can escape. And it happens so regularly when that particular person is involved that it cannot be written off as merely a coincidence. No, this delves much deeper than that. That person is...

HOLLYWOOD'S MODERN DAY KISS OF DEATH

And so, who is this titular individual? Paris Hilton? Come on, that's too easy. Ben Affleck? Naw - he was fine in Good Will Hunting and has some other good projects in his portfolio. Uwe Boll, maybe? Maybe, but at least he's built up good will amongst the bad movie fans of the world with his good-natured attitude towards his admittedly bad work.

No, the person of which I speak has actually had a career as far back as 1990 and, in spite of her longevity and her track record, continues to inexplicably get work. And truth be told, the evidence against her is damning. The person I'm talking about is....

...Paula Marshall.

Yes, this is the most prolific KOD that Hollywood's seen in quite some time. Even worse than Marion Davies, who brought down William Randolph Hearst. Worse than Yoko Ono, who broke up The Beatles. Sure, she looks innocent enough (aside from that sneery glare that shoots through you like icicles on an Arctic morning), but behind that face is a story that has ruined many a career, a film and TV show.

As the man said, facts don't lie. So let's just look at the facts:
MOVIES

Yes, she's been in several, but they have been ones that have not done well either A) money-wise, B) because they were on the waning end of a franchise or C) because they were after-thoughs in the careers of the bigger stars who were headliners and, in the end, did themselves no favors, either.

No one can deny this. Here's the biggest examples...

* Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth (1992) - Yes, I know the series is still around, but it never recovered after this third installment, which really played fast and loose with the theories and notion of Hell. Marshall played someone who ended up a Cenobite; nothing special.

* Warlock: The Armageddon (1993) - Don't remember much about the Warlock movies after this. When Marshall's performance makes you yearn for the subtle nuance of Lori Singer in the first movie, something is definitely wrong.

* That Old Feeling (1997) - The whiny daughter of virtuoso actors like Bette Midler and Dennis Farina should call for someone who doesn't grate on the nerves with her petulance. But this manages to sink not only Midler And Farina's efforts, but also the work of actors David Rasche and Gail O'Grady, director Carl Reiner and writer Leslie Dixon. Too bad; this one should have been a winner, but it wasn't. Again...coincidence?

* Cheaper By The Dozen (2003) - Playing the shrew wife of the usually affable Alan Ruck, Marshall does nobody any favors and actually makes one cringe whenever she's on camera. As far as the rest of the movie, which is a remake of a far-better classic, this is just another example of the dumbing-down of Steve Martin for modern "sensibilities". And in that context, Marshall fits in rather well.

Now, moving on to...
TELEVISION

Look this up if you want to, but there is no TV series in which Marshall has had a starring role which has lasted more than one season. Blame that on what you will, but don't you think this is more than a mere coincidental occurrence? Maybe they could have lasted more than a season with someone other than her as the featured female, who knows? All I know is that there is more going on here than just plain bad television.

Here's the full list:

* "Wild Oats" (1994)
* "Chicago Sons" (1997)
* "Cupid" (1998) - And THIS despite having super-talented Jeremy Piven as the title character. I just don't understand....
* "Snoops" (1999) - With Gina Gershon, no less, as the featured attraction.
* "Cursed" (2000) - Anything with Chris Elliott is worth watching...ususally.
* "Hidden Hills" (2002)

And there's even series in which Marshall had only a one-or-two-shot role in that bellied up after one season....

* "True Blue" (1989)
* "Mancuso, FBI" (1989)
* "Grapevine" (1992)
* "Miss Match" (2003)

...and even a series pilot named "Cooking Lessons", directed by none other than Ivan Reitman! To my knowledge, it has never even been shown!

Oh sure, there have been shows in which Marshall has had a passing part in that have lasted more than one season ("Superboy", "Life Goes On", "Nash Bridges", "Diagnosis Murder", "Spin City"), which can only be attributed to having established good acting and writing on series that have staying power - a power than cannot be toppled by one person. The others? well....

Look, I'm not trying to start a fight or nothing. All I'm saying is that if people are going to make movies and TV shows, why tempt fate? Look at the facts, review history, go over the pertinent data. Go with what works, don't go out trying to prove the facts wrong - it just isn't worth it.

And Paula: if you (on an off-chance) happen to be reading this; please don't take any of what you see here the wrong way, but you know in your heart of hearts that all of this is true. Cannot be denied. None of it. So please cut your losses, take an early retirement, enjoy your family. You've earned it. Really.

-TGWD

ADDENDUM - "Star Wars" Ads

My bad, folks.

In my rush a couple of days ago to share with you some of the nearly lost of the SW adverts from back in the day, I nearly forgot the grand-daddy of them all, the holiest of Holy Grails: the very ad that got me psyched for SW and made me a collector of its memorabilia (what my wife so quaintly calls "junk") to this very day.

Anyone out there remember Burger Chef? Not King - Chef. Yeah, not many do nowadays; heck, I don't even remember what their burgers tasted like (maybe that's why they aren't around anymore?). Anyway, I'd end up there every so often after seeing the latest Disney flick at the Smoot Theater. Funny; even after a bag of popcorn and an Orange Crush, I'd still have room for a burger - ah, to have retained the metabolism of a twelve year-old...but I digress.

It was with this very ad that I started my massive collection I now have (and I still as yet have the self-same posters and, I think, most of the SW glasses they sold seperately). Yeah; posters, cards, figures, playsets, comics, standees, etc. I was such a geek then...at least moreso than the geek I am today...but again with the digressing.

Anyway, if you have any memory of the original Star Wars, Burger Chef, what a 49-cent large drink (!) was and the thrill of ownership of that FIRST piece of memorabilia...click below and enjoy. You're welcome.



Dope out.

-TGWD

Movies As You (Don't) Remember Them...

As usual, this is a fad that I caught up to long after it's been popular but what the hey...enterprising young people take a familiar movie trailer, re-edit it, add different music, visual effects and completely change the mood and tome of the picture it originally was. And though that sounds more complicated than it really is, don't let that scare you away.

In spite of my lateness to this party, I do know that there are millions of other sites/blogs/message boards that link to the more familiar "remixes", as they're called; i.e. - The Shining remixed as a family comedy, West Side Story redone as a zombie flick, etc. So I went and found some lesser-known "remixes" for your viewing enjoyment. And mine too, since I'll just be coming here to view them, instead of all over the place.

First, what if The Sound of Music downplayed the music in favor of action?



...or Groundhog Day went for scares rather than laughs?



We all know Robert DeNiro has a lighter side, but still....



This one is a favorite of mine.



And finally, try to guess which direction THIS one goes in. Betcha can't; I sure couldn't.



Till later, happy viewing! Dope out.

-TGWD

Scary TV Credits...Of DOOM!!

Awhile back, on one of my many 'Net haunts, I mentioned the fact that I (and millions of others, apparently) had an irrational fear of certain TV end production credits....

What are you looking at?

I swear, it's a real fear! Look, many of you are probably in my age group (40's, I readily admit) and know what I'm talking about. You've watched "The Brady Bunch", "Mary Tyler Moore", "I Dream Of Genie" and the like, and even enjoyed them...right up to juuuust after they showed the last credit.

And then the screaming starts.

There were just certain production company credits that made your skin crawl, gave you horrific chills, sent you cowering behind the couch cushions and screaming for mommy. And no, that is not an over-dramatization.

Several websites have detailed dissertations on the subject and go into great detail as to how and why these credits are so frightening. I'm not here to do that; I ain't got no hoidy-toidy degrees or college edjamacashuns to tell you the psychological ramifications of such Jungian fears. All I know is they scared the bejeebers out of me - and I'm sure they did to you, too, you're just too yellow to admit it. yeah, you heard me. Come on, admit it... buck-buck-ba-KAWK!

Alright, fine. Just for that, I'll just have to show you (through the wonders of YouTube.com) exactly what these scary TV credits are exactly. And don't say I didn't warn you.

First, we have the "'V' of Doom" from Viacom Television. Try playing this one on full volume.



Next is the "Blue Mountain of Doom" from Paramount. I hate you, Lalo Schifrin!



Here's the infamous Screen Gems "'S' From Hell". Aptly named.



This is a variation on the above, only known as the "'S' From Mexico". Better? Worse?



Now, there's nothing inherentlty scary about the cute little kitten used for the MTM Productions logo. The little bugger's kinda cute (Mimsie is its name, I understand). ...but WHY do they feel it necessary to do different variations on the poor little thing when no one expects it. Scared the blankety-blank out of me!

Like, here's what they did to Mimsie at the end of the last episode of "Newhart":



Even Mary Tyler Moore can't stay away....



Moving on; if you had no idea what to expect with British television (or "The Muppet Show"), this one would probably throw you off television for life. Oh well, God Save the Queen!



And, since I couldn't find the Mark VII Limited logo (THE scariest logo ever conceived), I guess that's all I have to share that I've actually seen. I'm sure you've seen more but hey; I'm only 40. ;)

Dope out.

-TGWD

Viva la "Star Wars" ads!

Hey, fan boys!



Now, I'm not talking about ads promoting the movie itself, but the things that various Star Wars characters ended up doing ads with and for, back in the day.



Examples?



How about drunk driving...









Tasty cereal...









Proper immunization...









And, sadly, their own hubris.









But kudos to Lord Vader for hanging with the Wolfman!









Enjoy!



-TGWD

Heat Vision And Jack - The Show That Was Not To Be

Hey Hey!

Long time no post, eh? Sorry about the delay in posting, "dedicated" readers; you know, community theater, graphic novel design and all....

Anyway, here's a delightful tidbit o'news (two actually); seeing as how lazy I am to post reviews, I'm going to just post interesting things, opines, mostly movie-related, on the ol' blog-a-roo now, make it a little more accessible to the average Joe out there. And yes, I start now:

Which leads to tidbit #2 - Have you heard about this failed TV pilot called "Heat Vision And Jack", which Ben Stiller created after Fox Television canceled him then begged him to do something for them after he won an Emmy (c)? Interesting fish, this is; a renegade astronaut (Jack Black) is irradiated with solar radiation and becomes the most brilliant man in the world...as long as the sun is out. He is also in turn hunted down by NASA to get his brain removed and examined. All the while, he hightails it throughout the U.S. of A. with his best buddy-turned motorcycle Heat Vision (voiced by Owen Wilson) - it's a long story.

So many convoluted plot points and comedic highlights are lumped into a 30-minute pilot that, perhaps, it was a bit too low-(or even high-) brow for Fox to understand. Be that as it may, it is as funny as all get-out and should be mandatory viewing by any and EVERY living being on this planet. Hey, it'd make a great lead-in to Black's Nacho Libre wrestler movie dealie.

And so, I leave you now a link below with the very pilot that was never meant for your viewing pleasure. Ladies and gents: "Heat Vision and Jack".

Enjoy. Dope out.

-TGWD