Your Fanboy Will Never Commit To You. EVER.

Okay, let's just say that the average fanboy has a girlfriend...

BWAAHHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

(ahem...)

I'm sorry.  I'll try again here; let's assume the average fanboy has...you know...a girlfriend.

Okay, if your neurons haven't imploded from that possibility, let us further suppose that fanboy's girlfriend (wow, that's hard to write) is ready for fanboy to present her with a ring and rent a tux, the whole deal.

There are SO many reasons that this is a possibility doomed from the beginning - save for the thinking that fanboy was able to find a girl who shared in his deep, unfathomable love for whatever it is that he has a fanboy fixation on.  Steve Carell and 40 Year-Old Virgin aside, it usually doesn't work.

And as a public service, here are just a few (a few, mind you) reasons that your fanboy will never commit to you. Ever.

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Those Leia slavegirls at last ComicCon were so coming onto him.

It would mean clearing off space in his bedroom and finding a new home for his Starlogs.

She looks at his Jason Voorhees mask with so much seething jealousy.

The other guys in the chat forum say he doesn't need to.

When he was at that big MMORPG thing in Detroit last year, she purposely put a huge 3/8' nick in his Daniel Radcliffe-autographed Nimbus 2000.

Even though she expects him to go antiquing with her every other Saturday, she refuses to go with him on one measly cross-country trip to meet William Shatner.

SOMEONE purposely arranged his "Mystery Science Theater 3000" tapes alphabetically instead of by season...and it wasn't him!

You can either be Team Edward or Team Jacob...not both.

Thunderbirds and Thundercats are not from the same universe...they can't possibly be  She may be messing on that one....

If she won't agree to a wedding cake with a miniature Buck Rogers and Wilma Deering on top, then she's not serious about this relationship.

He's argued with her several times a week that it's "Mach Go Go Go!", not "Go Speed Racer Go!", and she just refused to accept that he's right.

She wouldn't even sit through half of The Star Wars Holiday Special.

It's funny how his display shelf for all his Autobots are "somehow" being overrun with Hummels.

A honeymoon in Bronson Canyon would too be romantic!

She calls it her "New Vulcan Salute", he calls it "Being Flipped Off".

It's amazing how ticked off her parents got when he suggested "The Imperial Death March" for the processional.

Even after getting it for her last Christmas, she refuses to wear that R2D2 swimsuit to the pool.

She's probably going to want sex at some point and she doesn't appreciate that future zombie fighters have to remain pure.

He has to work when the muse is upon him, and this makes blogging at 3 in the morning perfectly acceptable.

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Whoa.  Better stop there; that last one hit a tad too close to home.

So for all of those girls out there hoping to snag that fanboy beau of yours...forget it.  Unless you look like one of these ladies...

...forget it.

Dope out.

- TGWD

Shia Labeouf | Shia Labeouf Rare Photos | Shia Labeouf Images | Shia Labeouf Biodata | Shia Labeouf Real Life Pictures | Shia Labeouf Unseen Pics

Shia Labuff

Today me and my girls hung with Shia Labuff and it was totally rad. I'm the one with the blue backpack and i'm totally shaking and crying right now.


Date of Birth:

11 June 1986, Los Angeles, California, USA

Birth Name:

Shia Saide LaBeouf

Height:

5' 9¼" (1.76 m)

Mini Biography
Shia Saide LaBeouf was born June 11, 1986, in Los Angeles, California, to Jeffrey LaBeouf and Shayna Saide, and is an only child. His parents are divorced, and he lives with his mom in Los Angeles. He started his career by doing stand-up comedy around places in his neighborhood, such as coffee clubs. One day, he saw a friend of his acting on "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman" (1993), and wanted to become an actor. Shia and his mom talked it over, and the next day he started looking for an agent. He searched in the yellow pages, called one up, and did a stand-up routine in front of him. They liked him and signed him, and then he started auditioning. He's well known for playing Louis Stevens in the popular Disney Channel series "Even Stevens" (2000) and has won a Daytime Emmy for his performance.

Salary:
Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)
$5,000,000
Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (2010)
$8,000,000
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
$5,000,000
Transformers (2007)
$750,000
Surf's Up (2007)
$400,000
Disturbia (2007)
$400,000
Bobby (2006)
$400,000

Personal Quotes:
[when asked about what it's like to be a celebrity] I'll tell you when I become one.

[when asked about what type of girls he likes] I like the dark, mysterious, maybe even gothic type girls. They have to have a good personality, too. I'm very picky.

I got to grow up in a situation where drugs were demonic. To watch your dad go through heroin withdrawal is something that would keep you from doing any of that yourself.

I'm not an Adonis, that's for damn sure. I've never really thought of myself that way, and it doesn't matter to me. My favorite actors aren't Adonises. Dustin Hoffman is a flawed-looking man; he's amazing to me. Tom Hanks is flawed-looking; people love him. Same with Gene Hackman.

I was billed as the ten-year-old kid with the 50-year-old mouth. I knew if I wanted to work in the business, funny would be good because I looked like Garry Shandling.

Clubs are so lame. Nobody even dances at these clubs. They stand around and get drunk and they schmooze. There is no enjoyment factor. You get so many invites . . . partying has never interested me. My dad was a drug addict. There's something about watching your dad go through heroin withdrawal when you're 11. It's not interesting anymore. I'm not individualizing this. There are lots of kids that deal with this. I'm an '80s baby; that's what was going on.

[on his co-star Harrison Ford]I've been fortunate enough to work with Harrison on (Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the) Crystal Skull, and I can honestly say it is a dream come true. He's a man's man. And he's incredible because he make movies even better, because we love him as much as Indy hates snakes, and because he's captain of the goddamn Millenium Falcon!

Talent is funny, I've always looked at talent like what the hell does talent really mean? Talent is to actors what luck is to card players. It's not really anything, it's just a fictitious word that people have created and labeled things. Talent is like you know I never really believed in talent, I believed in drive and determination and preparation but talent is sort of like luck. I wouldn't want to think of myself as talented it doesn't seem like there's any validity in that. I like to think of myself as an ordinary man with extra ordinary determination. That's it.

[on Megan Fox] She is a very attractive girl. Very attractive. And she's a very close friend. But it hasn't been a romantic thing, because you're trying to respect the work environment. You don't push anything. And with sex and romance, things can become so convoluted so fast.

[on dating Rihanna] It never got beyond one date. The spark wasn't there. We weren't passionate about each other in that way, so we remain friends.

There's no patriotism. There's selfishness. It's the movie Wall Street (1987). Pure selfishness, 'Greed is good', It really happened. People don't look at that character, Gordon Gekko, and see an enemy. They look at him like they look at Scarface (1983), a kind of role model. 'Hell, yeah. That's the guy! That's the superman!' Well, that's our pop culture. That's its values.

My generation will actually be the first generation that is tamer than the one that came before it, and it will probably be poorer; less fun and less money. It's ridiculous. In my parents' generation, rebellion was pop culture. It's not anymore. You can see it in something as simple as where their music was at and where ours is now. If you look at our Billboard Top 100, a lot of those songs on there are from Christian country artists. A lot of rappers, too, are very Christian. The fact that religion is even still talked about is kind of wild to me. I think my generation understands it, but they are too selfish to let it matter.

Megan Fox Out Of "Transformers 3"...What, Again?

 Excuse me, wait a minute; isn't this the same story I reported on a while back?  There wasn't a story I missed where Spielberg hired her back because it was all a big mistake then she got fired again, right?

Hold on, I gotta check this....

I KNEW IT!  This was old news when I posted it over a year ago, people.  And they all but said that the reason she was booted out on her plasticene rump was because she compared Mike Bay to Hitler...AND to Napoleon.  Uh...hmmm.

Okay, she could have gotten away with Napoleon, because EVERYBODY gets compared to Napoleon and think nothing of it, because...well, because it's Napoleon!  Who gets insulted being compared to a short Frenchman with a funny hat?  Besides other Frenchmen?

Hitler, though?  And Steven "Schindler's List" Speilberg standing right there with your paycheck in his hand? 

...Meg, hon' - I think some of that silicone seeped its way up into the ol' brain cavity, there.

Besides, when it comes to insulting your bosses, there are a lot more conventional comparisons she could have made without getting in so much trouble that she lose her job:

"Oh, he was like Madonna on the set; he acted touched, but I'm sure it wasn't for the very first time."

"Michael has less vision and talent than my last three plastic surgeons."

"You wanna talk tactless?  Bay was as insensitive to my feelings as Don Rickles was to that poor old drunk guy Dean Martin!"

"I'd rather be directed by someone with more talent...like that guy who did The Rock, you know: what's-his-name...."

"Every day on the set was like being on an episode of 'Hope and Faith'...only without that 'Murphy Brown' chick."

 "Yelling, screaming, cursing...if I had wanted Lindsay Lohan as a director, I'd have asked for her."

"Every day of shooting I was ridiculed, talked down to and made to look ridiculous in front of my peers.  It was like being tag-teamed by Joan Rivers and Harry Knowles."








Oh, I could come up with more, but I think this is more than enough 15-minutes of ridicule to do for now.

And as for Megan; good luck with that next big movie...uh...whatever it is, I can't seem to find the name of it anywhere.... 

Just remember not to compare anyone else to Axis leaders, 'kay?

Dope out.

- TGWD