This is a special edition of my newest regular series - one where I not only delve into the "what were they thinking?" psyche of bad movie posters made right here in the good old États-Unis, but ones with a certain theme to them.
Right: it's October which means Halloween is just right around the corner, so here we have some of the worst ideas for scary movie posters. Latch onto the premise here: you make a movie that's supposed to be scary and you try to relate that to your art department so they can come up with something that goes in your local movie house, warning people that "IT'S ONLY A MOVIE...IT'S ONLY A MOVIE...", and instead make the casual poster-viewer ask, "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT...WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT..."
So here we go with some really bad ideas for scary posters, American-proud, baby.
BOOK OF SHADOWS: BLAIR WITCH 2
Oh no; they chopped down an Ent! Forget for just a moment that this was probably one of the worst sequels ever, the poster for it has a screaming face in a chopped-down tree stump. Was this scary in the way that the Sierra Club would be shuddering at the sight of it? Tree stump...ooooohhhh....
INSEMINOID
Gynecology...IN SPACE! Couldn't they just have shown a hideous alien lurking in the shadows of space or something? Did we need to be treated to the worst OB/GYN job ever? Love the futuristic Aharoni font there: in space, no one can see you're a cheap-ass movie producer who won't spring for DigiFace font.
BLACKENSTEIN
Yes yes yes, I know, I know: orBlack Frankenstein. Either/or. A rose by any other... Uh, why do we have the latest cover girl from Players Magazine advertising your horror flick? Not that I'm complaining or anything...it's like she's looking at the camera, yelling, "AGH! No, I said I WON'T be in your stupid movie, now give me back the rest of my top!"
DEMONOID: MESSENGER OF DEATH
Hey! Someone tell Jack Black I found his missing Tenacious D album cover!
VAMPIRE GRAVEYARD
LITTLE SUZY - Daddy, look at the drawing I made for Ms. Prosser's class! DADDY - Not now, Suzy, I have to finish this movie poster by midnight or I'll lose my job. LITTLE SUZY - I'm improving with my shading, aren't I? I still have to work on my smoothing and texture but... DADDY - (looks at poster) Suzy, Daddy'll pay you fifty bucks if I can have this picture! LITTLE SUZY - Make it a hundred. DADDY - Deal! MARTHA, my wife! Call the bosses and tell 'em their poster's ready! MARTHA - You're pathetic. DADDY - What???
There we go, badness to hold you over another month. AMERICAN badness, to boot.
Now seriously, where did I leave that Highlander II poster?? Dang it....
When I began this little segment, I knew that there'd be plenty of examples of bad artwork or picture work for movie posters, and yet I had no idea that the examples I would dredge up would be made all the worse by one (or two) facts:
1) They really don't do much to make you curious as to the picture they advertise.
2) They be 'Merrican made, bub.
Dass right; now sit back, pop open a brew, have some apple pie and listen to ol' Rush Limbaugh, 'cuz we buy American and we got American pride!
WOO! Ford Trucks!
Sorry.
Anyway, it's time now to drink in more local flavor, ready or not:
COLD SOULS
ACK!! A troika doll-headed Paul Giamatti here puts me more in mind of the Arnold Schwarzenegger disguise used in Total Recall than anything resembling a "flat-out funny" movie. Anyone going in looking for a sci-fi romp wherein Giamatti mows down millions of people with his dirt-boring machine on Mars is going to be hugely disappointed. Besides which, this poster scares me. I can't look past the...uh, no; let's move on.
DAY OF THE DOLPHIN
That may be the choice for "Greatest Tag Line of All Time", but this isn't a Mad Magazine parody and that sure ain't Alfred E. Newman looking heroically off into the horizon. What is George C. Scott doing in this, and why should we be lulled into a sense of complacency that this is a poster for a serious, thought-provoking drama?? It's about KILLER DOLPHINS! And not a one of them have a frickin' laser on their head.
UP THE SANDBOX
A Time Magazine mock-up with Barbra Streisand's name on it, Babs tied to a baby bottle AND pregnant? What does any of this have to do with explaining a movie title like this one? What is this: DeviantARt: The Movie? I've never seen this movie but now, based on this poster, I don't think I will, if just for the fact that I'm afraid someone would try to sell me a subscription to the same magazine advertised here. Oprah already has her own rag-mag; isn't that enough ego for you, world???!
DISNEY'S A CHRISTMAS CAROL
Retelling #16,472 of the same Charles Dickens chestnut? Fine, but what does a Scrooge-animated Jim Carrey riding a rocket-powered bell like the latest sex toy through the air have to do with any of this? And with that...expression? I don't wanna know what demographic Disney's going after with this kind of poster. They could have gotten away wtith it as a Touchstone Picture, maybe...but this is enough to make Walt turn over in his cryogenic chamber.
CHANGELING
ACK! ACK!! Giant Angelina Jolie head about to eat a poor defenseless child! Run, kid! RUN!!!! See, if this was the plot, I'd watch. But it ain't; it's just more Clint Eastwood Academy-Award fodder. Personally, I think Hollywood's missing a bet by not casting Angelina Jolie as a gigantic disembodied head monster who eats small children. Tell me you wouldn't watch that and I'd say you're a liar. Tell me you're not sorry that isn't what this poster's advertising and I'd say you're a big fat liar.
Okay, enough harrowing nightmares for one installment; more next time.
Hmm...I see that I missed that promised Christopher Lambert poster this time.... Have to remember him for installment three. I know I have one of him around here somewhere.
Yes, as a matter of fact, it is. I see that, even with my Foreign Poster Atrocities, I have neglected to notice the really really bad movie posters that come from the shores of the good old U.S. of A.
Be proud, America: we have some home-grown crap to be proud of. In fact, some of the stuff we have puts Turkey to shame.
Almost.
It's a toss-up, honestly.
In this series, I hope to shed light on some of the really lousy choices for movie posters made to represent our own movies by our own artists. No outsourcing here, people - this is the real deal. Badness personified.
I think five at a time will space this series out nicely, don't you? Good, as long as we're in agreement...let's start!
CORKY ROMANO
Really? This is how you want to advertise your big comedy movie? Chris Kattan's big ugly head with its big ugly teeth bared at the viewer while his big ugly eyes glare into your vulnerable soul, waiting for a moment of weakness to strike? Really? Using big heads to do your advertising never works. Unless it's a horror movie... and Corky almost qualifies for horror, but only because people ran out of the theater screaming.
BODY ROCK
This poster represents everything that was wrong with the Eighties. Big hair. Sleeveless shirts. Neon stripes racing across the sky. Breakdancers. Lorenzo Lamas. Huge people towering over small city-scapes. And improper word usage. The dream? It's a dream: Everybody's got a dream. But here I am nitpicking grammar in a poster where an even-worse offense is its pink lettering, which is fine if your movie stars Molly Ringwald. This one doesn't.
SUPERMAN III
Let's forget for a minute this is a sequel. Let's even forget that it doesn't have Gene Hackman. When your superhero movie has Richard Pryor as its biggest drawing card, and your poster shows him being gingerly flown across the Grand Canyon by our Boy in Blue himself, it's probably a good idea for Supes to fly backwards around the world and stop this artist before he goes anywhere near his Crayolas.
GOOD LUCK CHUCK
Not that this was the best idea for a comedy to begin with, I simply refused to see it because this poster brought back long-repressed memories of that damned Rolling Stone cover with a naked John Lennon clinging to Yoko Ono. Curse you, poster guy, for equating Jessica Alba with Yoko, but thanks loads for keeping Dane Cook in underwear at least. I still won't see the movie, though, because of this poster. Dane Cook MAY get naked - I won't take that chance.
FIRED UP
Heyyyy...that poster swore at me! Heh heh heh...totally funny, dude. It has an "F" and a "U". Cool. Heh heh heh. Cool. Funny. Heh heh heh....
(sorry, I suddenly turned into the grade schooler who came up with this poster idea.)
Stay tuned for the next installment... I think I may be able to come across another giant head and at least one Christopher Lambert!
Well, here we go again. Another summer, another spate of wanna-be blockbusters littering the aisles of your local multiplexes.
Looks like I got my work cut out for me, seeing as last time I did this, there weren't as many that were screaming for my attention. This will be a bit bigger, but the content is worth it, baby. Trust me.
Shall we start?
IRON MAN 2
Gee, Robert Downey Jr's doing alright for himself, ain't he?
Now here he is on top of the world, thanks to the first Iron Man flick and another couple of hits along the way (Tropic Thunder, Sherlock Holmes). So now comes the inevitable sequel - of which there will be many this season - and expectations run high. After all, this is Iron Man we're talking about, here.
I don't really see where this can go bad; 95% of the same actors, same director, following the more-or-less same Marvel comics arc, and the additions of Mickey Rourke and Scarlett Johansson - success seems all but guaranteed.
Trailer seems to suggest so, at any rate:
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: Pretty good. More of the same, but at least the same was pretty darned good to start with. And Scarlet Johansson in a tight leather suit? Get your fanboy motors runnin', fellas....
ROBIN HOOD
Okay; Ridley Scott, director. Good. Russell Crowe, lead. At least he can do a believable British accent. The rest... mmm... I dunno; all I can think of now is Kevin Costner and then after him Robin Hood: Men in Tights. This may be good, but then again it may end up on home video in a month. I don't know if the public at large is ready to buy into the whole Robin Hood thing again. If nothing else, there'd better be a Sean Connery cameo at the end of THIS one.
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: Probably not. After being burned before, I shan't tarry into Sherwood Forest so readily again. Alack and alas....
SHREK FOREVER AFTER
Yeah, I was there for the first Shrek, and even the second one, and I even suffered through the third one, in spite of the repetitive nature the series was taking. This last one, however, seems to be at least taking the story in a different direction with one of those "make-a-wish-change-history" story lines that many fairy tales thrive on. And to see characters you remember suddenly become unaware of their pasts and have to get reacquainted may be kind of entertaining.
And any time I can see Antonio Banderas literally play a fat cat, that's a selling point.
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: Very high. I like this series pretty well, and anything that keeps Mike Myers from making a sequel to The Love Guru is good in my book.
SEX AND THE CITY 2
What??! They made a sequel?? Did the first movie even MAKE money??? Was there a crying need for a movie version based on a TV show about a bunch of woman kibbitzing about sex and clothes and sex and so on really needing a movie, let alone a sequel??? Why am I using so many punctuation marks with this posting?? Because I'm flabbergasted that this got on one of my posts, what's why!!!!
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: Gee lemme think; a chick move base don a chick show about chicks doing chick stuff? Hmm...let me think about that for a minNO.
MARMADUKE: THE MOVIE
Well, if you are the cartoonist responsible for "Marmaduke", then I guess you'd be thrilled to see a movie about him.
But whereas a comic strip movie like Over The Hedge at least had some hip sensibilities, irony and sarcasm going for it, this is a movie based on a comic strip about a big overgrown dog doing cute things. I don't care that it has Owen Wilson doing the voice of the dog: MARMADUKE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO TALK. He doesn't even get thought bubbles in his strip. Stupid Hollywood....
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: Nope. If I want to see a funny movie about a big dog doing cute things, I'll watch Disney's The Ugly Daschaund. At least that had Dean Jones.
THE KARATE KID
A remake.
Of a classic movie.
One that is fondly remembered.
That is still watched and appreciated to this day.
That is still relevant.
There are some remakes that are intriguing because of what they are going to incorporate into modern sensibilities.
What does this remake have to offer? Jackie Chan in the Pat Morita part.
That's it.
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: Pass. Glad to see Will Smith's kid get some screen time, but maybe dad should have got him a couple more scripts to go through....
THE A-TEAM
As soon as I heard they were remaking this, I thought it would never work.
Then I checked it out: Qui-Gon Jinn is going to be Hannibal Smith. He even LOOKS like George Peppard. On STEROIDS.
Lots of explosions and guns. Just like on the show.
Everybody here looks fit enough to play the parts of ex-military types doing dangerous stuff.
This might just work.
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: Why not? It has everything a child of the Eighties could want, and more. I just hope there's a Dirk Benedict cameo.
TOY STORY 3
I have to. There's not even a discussion on this. I just have to.
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: Yes. Even if I didn't like this classic Pixar series, I want to find out how they explain the disappearance of Bo Peep.
JONAH HEX
To be honest, I completely forgot about this even being a comic book.
It was one of those I'd pass over on the comic book rack at Foodland on my way to read the latest issue of Sgt. Rock or Spider-Man or find out what dastardly plan Lex Luthor had that would fail again.
Hey, at at least has enough of a fan base to get a movie made about it. A successful movie? Remains to be seen. It's good to see Josh Brolin in something new, though. AND to see that Megan Fox has more male companionship than Shia LaBeouf.
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: Nah; not after Howard the Duck tanked. I'm just wary about these things. And still, I half expect Nicolas Cage to pop up in this. He scares me....
THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE
Oh boy: TWEENIE STUFF!
Sparkling vampires! Homo-erotic werewolves! Emo chicks! Good vs. Evil...FOR KIDS!
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: Not even if they gave away a million dollars and free health coverage for you and your family for each viewer. I'll stick with Harry Potter...and I don't even watch those flicks OR read the books!
And with that, there you go; that should cover the first part of what's coming up. More will come when I darned well feel like it.
How you use this information is up to you...I can't make ALL your decisions!
Every Friday, they'll have their "Photoshop Phriday", where a few of their more imaginative members will take pictures, manipulate them and change them into a more comedically-pleasing aesthetic. The ones they do for movie posters are, admittedly, my favorite.
I thought one day that it would be fun to join the Something Awful community so I could submit some of my own creations and show off just what a great sense of humor I have. Then I tried joining....
Do you know there's some websites that make you PAY for the privilege of joining their community?
To hell with that.
Frustrated, I decided that was not the way to go. Then, I realized: Hey, waitaminit - I have a Flickr account...and a blog!
And so, without any further ado: here are TheGreatWhiteDope's own funny poster thingy dealies!
...There. Humor. Ha ha. For FREE.
In your face, Something Awful!
(it always feels good to flaunt disrespect to a faceless Internet entity.)
Now, of the last list that I made, I only ended up seeing ONE of those films. So far. The year ain't over though. Gimme a break, will ya? I don't see anyone else giving me any money to go see movies, and until that happens, there you go.
So let's move on and see what else this season has to offer....
THE DARK KNIGHT
Well, of coursethis one. Just recently I was able to catch the biggest part of Batman Begins, which this is a continuation of (rather than the more recent offspring of the '89 Tim Burton film, which you can find my own personal ruminations on in the archives, but anyway...) and found it to be quite engrossing. It had a much darker tone, more in league with the graphic novel sensibilities the movie-going public is in tune with (thanks by and large to films like V for Vendetta, and several others I know I'm forgetting right now) and a grittier tone.
Retaining the same director (Christopher Nolan), same lead (Christian Bale), same main supporting cast (Michael Caine, Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman) and apparently the same tone, look and feel of Begins, it looks like this one will have the same success and, needless to say, a built-in audience chomping at the bit to see this one.
And naturally there's the Heath Ledger factor. What with everything that happened as far as Heath's concerned, there'll be a lot of people coming to the film just to see what legacy he left the world with - see, everyone who worked on, worked near or caught a sneak preview of this film talks about what a great and unique Joker he essayed herein. That alone would be worth watching.
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: Moderately high. After all, I came late to the Batman Begins party and, though I loved it, I still have a soft spot for the Adam West series; heck, I have the first Batman movie! I still would see this in the theater because, after all, this IS an event movie. See you in line! ...maybe.
GET SMART
Steve Carell IS a funny man, as is evidenced in his work on TV's "The Daily Show" as well as "The Office" along with big-screen turns in Anchorman, Evan Almighty, The 40 Year-Old Virgin and Horton Hears A Who. He's even won awards, for cryin' out loud. Anyway, is he a natural for playing the role that everyone else who's ever watched the original TV series will forever associate with Don Adams?
Who knows? After all, the buzz from the first trailer was not good. No funny parts, no funny lines, no inherent humor, not even any good actionful (is that a word?) scenes.
See?
The second one was far better;
...at least you could tell it was supposed to be a comedy.
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: Maybe. There's a lot of others out there to choose from this summer and, despite my love for most things Carell (Oh! Almost forgot Over The Hedge!), this one may get a pass in the theater. Sometimes, comedies are better rentals than they are theater views.
HANCOCK
Something happened to Will Smith once he hit it big.
Remember when he was still known as The Fresh Prince? Had several albums (okay...CDs), his own TV show ("Fresh Prince of Bel Air"), then broke into the big time with films like Made In America, Independence Day and Men In Black. After that point, then he decided it was time for him to be taken seriously in films like Ali,The Legend of Bagger Vance, The Pursuit of Happyness, I Am Legend and so on. He was still Will Smith, but there was something different. That light touch and joy he brought before the camera was gone. He looked too serious, he didn't look happy to do what he was doing.
And now here he is trying to do the same light action comedy he pulled off effortlessly not too long ago. Only the problem was, with this being the story of a down-and-out man who finds himself being a powerful superhero, that because he IS Will Smith, the budget has to be astronomical, the effects huge and explosive and the noise level ramped up to 13. Oh, and remember - when you're a big-time action her, coarseness overcomes class every time. It all just looks like too much, all the way around; like they have to surround Smith with all these effects, noise and junk to cushion his career if this is the one that makes him tank.
I dunno - maybe I'm suffering from Will Smith overdose.
MY WATCHING POSSIBILITY: No. If I want to watch Will Smith in a good action film, I'll watch Men In Black. If I want to watch him in a bad action film...I'll rent Wild Wild West. But not Hancock.
HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY
This one sure sounds good. Another sequel based on a film based on a graphic novel (sensing a trend here?), featuring Hellboy (Ron Perlman, seemingly tailor-made for roles like this) once again defending the world from the forces of darkness and evil. I have the first movie but, in my sloth and otherwise busy schedule, have not as yet sat down and watched it...I HAVE, however, caught the last 15-20 minutes of the original on TV awhile back. Looked good.
And the scraps of this one I've seen here and there look pretty darn good in their own right. So director Guillermo Del Toro may have another hit in his hot little hands. And maybe enough clout to get that Hobbit movie made? Time will tell....
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: Possible. It's a toss-up with movies like this - sometimes I'll catch them if they're available and I can get to them, otherwise I may have to wait till they're out for rent. But let me watch the first one all the way through first, okay? Then I can make a more-informed decision. Sheesh.
KUNG FU PANDA
God love Jack Black. He was my hero from the first time I saw him in "Heat Vision and Jack". He's the star John Belushi would have been if he stayed alive. And what a set of pipes! Just listen to Tenacious D and his end song in High Fidelity to see if I'm lying or not.
And then he had a sweet turn as a good-natured shark in Dreamworks' Shark Tale (with the above-mentioned Will Smith). Just goes to prove that he had a voice that could accommodate the cuddliest cartoon characters. So why not try the same trick with Kung Fu Panda? And as if that weren't enough (along with the story of a roly-poly panda who is charged with learning kung fu skills to protect a peaceful valley), Black is also joined in the voice department by no less than Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, Ian McShane, Jackie Chan, Lucy Liu plus a few others you'll probably recognize right away.
So how could it miss?
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: I'll let you know whether it misses or not. Cartoons, kung fu and Jack Black - I'm there.
THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR
It's been a good long while since we've (or I've) seen Brendan Fraser as Rick O'Connell in the first Mummy movies. They were good, lots of action, spectacle and so forth. But now here we are, 7 years after The Mummy Returns (we can't count The Scorpion King, since Fraser and crew weren't in it, just The Rock...it's complicated) with a sequel set in China, of all places, where I never even knew they had mummies. But hey, suspension of belief and all....
Anyways, in spite of some of the main cast staying on (save for Rachel Weisz, who must have had other pressing engagements), and Stephen Sommers dropping directing for producing this time around, there is the added benefit of having Jet Li in the house, ladies and gentlemen. That's right, the same Jet Li that kicked so much butt in so many other films and was one of the saving graces of Lethal Weapon 4. So perhaps this movie may also kick butt.
So long after the fact, though? We'll have to wait and see.
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: Possibly, but not likely. I always preferred Boris Karloff, myself. Call me old school.
MEET DAVE
No. Just...no.
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: No.
WALL-E
After Cars, I was feeling kind of burned by Pixar, feeling that, since at that time they were splitting ways with Disney after Michael Eisner did them dirty, they just felt they didn't have to release the same quality and caliber of film they did with classics like the Toy Story movies, A Bug's Life, Finding Nemo and The Incredibles . But after all was said and done (and after Ratatouille), it seems all involved learned their lesson and moved on to bigger and better things.
It probably helped that Eisner left Disney, too. But anyhoo....
The very idea of this movie (a robot with feelings, learning to feel love, all done with the absolute minimum of dialogue or any non-robotic characters) is very appealing. Even the look of the trailers and the advance images from the film make it look as if there will be something revolutionary in this film (as in all other Pixar movies), something that few (at least in the younger generation) have seen before. We may be witnessing history here, folks: the absolute best G-rated film ever that won't bore its core audience and gives the eyes their most tantalizing display ever conceived.
At least, until the next Pixar movie.
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: Absolutely. I'll beat any little old ladies in line ahead of me to get into the theater for this one.
And there you have it. Views that you can trust! You're welcome. Now go and watch a movie.
Okay, first off, I have NOT seen any of these movies I'm about to write about, so all I'm about to say is based on what I've heard. Be warned.
NOW...
So far, everything I've read about 2008's summer movie crop shows this year should be a big one. After all, what with gas prices and ticket prices and uncomfortable seats and overpriced popcorn and so on, if you're gonna slap down your hard-earned bucks to spend two hours of your life watching something some film executive thinks would be worth your time (and money - see a trend here?), it had better be good.
And with that in mind, what do we have here to consider?
Well, let's see.... IRON MAN
I've read the comics when I was younger and thought the story of multi-millionauire Tony Stark wearing a cool suit just to live and finding he had super powers with it and being able to fight crime, save the world and so forth was pretty darn cool. Hearing about the movie being made based on it, all I could think of was "great; another superhero movie in a world filled with 'em." - but there was one major plus in this one that so many others didn't have:
Robert Downey Jr.
Not since Errol Flynn has there been such a talented, troubled and quirky actor; one who takes a lot of chances and does so with lots of on-screen charisma. If anyone could pull off Tony Stark, it would be him.
Of course, the special effects in the trailer look good. But nowadays, watching a movie because the effects are good is like buying a car because the tires are round. It's a given. But with a strong story, good actors (Gwyneth Paltrow and Jeff Bridges are also in the cast), decent-enough director in Jon Favreau, though he isn't the first one you think of as an action superhero director. But if all the stars are aligned and everything clicks, it could work.
And according to the initial take, it has.
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: Possible. Not an easy-in, since I'm kinda burnt-out on superhero movies but I do like the actors involved. We'll see.
SPEED RACER
I loved the cartoon (oops: anime. Sorry....) and thought the stories were rather intricate and action-packed, even if the characters all moved their mouths kinda funny. :P Little did I know as an ankle-biter what a cult following the show would have over the years since its initial run.
Anyway, everyone reading this knows what kind of track record the Wachowski Brothers have had (The Matrix Movies, V for Vendetta, etc.) , so there is every possibility that there is going to be smashing visuals and effects rather on the wild side.
Well, good lord, have you seen the trailer?!!!
You see that?! Huh? Suffice it to say that if you enjoyed those visuals and they didn't give you an epileptic seizure, then say hello to your new favorite film.
[me]Hello, new favorite film.[/me]
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: Very high. I try not to connect my want to see a film on a cool trailer (I've been burnt on that road before), but how many chances during one lifetime will you have to see so kinetic a film as this? Not many, I'll wager. I may take the Wachowski's bait on this one. THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN
I never was a fan of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe on reading it, nor when it was a cartoon or when it was a made-for-TV special. It was just a little too stodgy for my taste.
Granted, they gave the 2005 film the right amount of action, CGI thrills, talking animals looking as real as anything and everything a fan of the book could want (maybe; I don't know that many book fans). But this sequel (the first of three more) looks like more of the same. Great if you're a fan of the first film; interminable if you're not a fan of C.S. Lewis or instantly dislike the staleness associated with Walden Media films...like I do.
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: No. My kids will probably love it, but then again, they dislike watching any film that feels like a homework assignment to sit through.
INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL
Oh well gee, let's see: a chance to see Harrison Ford reprise one of my favorite action heroes ever? A return to the kind of film Steven Spielberg was once the king of? The re-teaming of Ford and Karen Allen from the original Raiders of the Lost Ark? One more opportunity to hear that rousing John Williams theme in the cool comfort of a movie theater and relive grand memories from my past? And to take my son to see adventure films the way they used to be?
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: Heck, yeah. Lukewarm to poor reviews be damned. I will revisit my youth and enjoy it profoundly. And probably stand and applaud at the end of it and embarrass my son. Oh well.
THE INCREDIBLE HULK I thought the 2003 Hulk was kinda talky and cerebral for the crowd it was being pitched to and Ang Lee, while a good director, wasn't the best choice for a summer popcorn movie about a green monster whose dialog consists mostly of grunts.
So here we are, five years later and looking at a continuation of the first film with an entirely different cast and director and, judging from the initial trailer, more of an emphasis on the kind of summer action we expect, mixed with more of the comic book sensibilities we know and love. After all, this one is directed by Louis Leterrier (director of the Transporter movies) and stars Edward Norton (who we all know can carry a movie), Liv Tyler ('scuse me...rowr), William Hurt and Tim Roth...so we all know that acting won't be a problem.
It could work, I guess, I just hope we aren't going to experience a superhero movie glut in which they just export mass movies like this without any thought or detail - just lots of great effects, recognized stars and flimsy story-lines that wouldn't pass muster in the Marvel universe, let alone the Hollywood universe.
Time will tell.
MY VIEWING POSSIBILITY: Lower spectrum. I love the comics, but the big guy doesn't have the best filmed record. It might be pulled off successfully, but this will probably still be an on-down-the-road rental.
Well, that's a good start. There's a lot of movies coming out this summer, and next post I'll tackle the others. And don't worry; my next post won't be in September. :P
This is a special edition of my newest regular series - one where I not only delve into the "what were they thinking?" psyche of bad movie posters made right here in the good old États-Unis, but ones with a certain theme to them.
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