Rock: It's Your Decision (1982)

I'm never one to subscribe to religious paranoia. Unless it's funny.

And let's face it: a few of those fundamentalists out there have some hilarious ideas when it comes to Biblical interpretation.

Ephesians tells us video games are the gateway to sin and degradation, you know.

The last four presidents were the pawns of Satan; says so in Deuteronomy.

And Revelations has warned us since the dawn of Creation that rock music will destroy mankind.

I always knew Dan Fogelberg was up to something.

As a youth, back when I had a satellite dish the size of a silo roof, I happened across a lot of stations that were exclusively religious programming, and they were hosted by people whose main objective was to sit there in front of the camera and go on and on AND ON about how modern society is going to burn for their pagan ways. And their greatest tool for proving just how pagan we are as a race? Why, our choices in music, of course. Seeing that 98% of mankind listens to that shameful rock and roll, that's going to be a lot of souls writhing in the fiery pits of Hell. We must be saved! But...how?

This was something not lost on John Taylor. As a fledgling director, he teamed up with one-script wonder Karen Richardson to create something that would not only give Christians of all religious persuasions something to think about but also a film that would make Gene Simmons cower in fear. And that film was the 52-minute Christian powerhouse Rock: It's Your Decision.

And for a movie that tries to tell all of the unwashed heathens of the world what a bad influence rock music is, this is something that will give you all the tools you need in your never-ending struggle whether to rock or not to rock.

Oh God help us, here comes the plot: young church-going Jeff (Ty Taylor) likes to listen to rock and roll music, however he's also a nice kid who goes to church, belongs to a Bible-study group and believes that Jesus died for his sins, just like any other decent church-going kid his age would. His parents bug him because he listens to that "junk" all the time, but he sees nothing wrong with it. It's just music! Finally, at her wits' end, Jeff's mom gets in touch with Jim, the youth pastor at their church, to try and get the point across to Jeff that he has to change his evil ways, baby (see what I did there?).

Jeff, however, has friends like Melissa and Marty who also think nothing of listening to their favorite rockin' groups and believe that he has nothing to worry about in the least. Pastor Jim, however, is able to convince Jeff to go two weeks without listening to that soul-destroying AOR stuff, do a little research into what it is he usually listens to, then make his own decision (like in the title) about whether he wants to follow rock or The Rock of Ages.

This is probably one of the most notorious Christian propaganda films aside from Estus W. Pirkle's absolutely amazing If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do? - which will be another review for another time, of course. But Rock: It's Your Decision is amazing in its own right that it is such a thoroughly and incredibly...nice film. Really, and I'm not being condescending here. This is probably one of the most mild-mannered Christian films I have ever watched in my life. It deals with a topic that has plagued church meetings and religious groups for ages since Elvis Presley started swinging his hips, but it does so in a manner that isn't screeching in your face and cursing you to eternal damnation every five seconds.

The message is of course ridiculous as it is presented, but at least director Taylor goes into this in a way that doesn't put you in the mind of a fire-and-brimstone holy roller service. Filmed in and around beautiful and scenic Madison County, Alabama, R:IYD (for brevity) makes its point and saves all the hard-hitting facts for the end sermon, officiated by none other than our own Jeff himself. I'll get to that, but for now....

Direction is kind of static, at best. John Taylor would go on to only direct two more movies, but R:IYD makes the point early-on to not only tell its story straightforward but to film it that way, too. Lots of static shots, two-person dialogue shots, one-person dialogue shots, never more than a dozen or so people in any given group shot, very sparse settings (even the homes are modest and humble - this IS 1982, after all) and it's all about as imposing as vanilla pudding.

Richardson's script also takes it easy on us, making sure we know that this is a religious film but also taking into consideration that the casual viewer, much like Jeff, doesn't want things shoved in their face, and so takes it easy, voicing concern, making comparisons, then bringing their point home. You can take only so much of someone telling you you're going to Hell - but if they explain the hows and whys beforehand, that's a little easier to take.

Of course, during the course of the movie while Jeff is blocking out the music all of his peers listen to, he also loses the friendship and respect of his friends Melissa and Marty, who seem to be pretty jerky friends to begin with. Because, don't you see, the lead in a Christian movie like this has to have jerky friends who, at the end, finally see things the hero's way and admit that they were wrong all along. And these jerky friends act as jerky as jerkily possible; that's what friends are for.

Believe me, though, when I say that Jeff's ending speech to the church must be seen to be believed. It is a diatribe against rock music, sure, but not against rock music that you expect. For instance: you're sitting here reading this review expecting them to be slamming hard against Alice Cooper, Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Ozzy Osbourne and any other of those bad boys, right? Would you be very shocked to know that NONE of these guys are even mentioned? Would you be further surprised to know who IS mentioned?

Brace yourself: Jeff talks down the likes of The Eagles (citing "One of These Night" instead of "Hotel California"), Billy Joel (for "Captain Jack" and, again, for the wrong reasons) and such easy targets as Santana, The Rolling Stones, Jefferson Starship, KISS and AC/DC. Along with some not-so-easy targets as The Captain and Tennille, Rod Stewart and Barry Manilow! He ends by smashing an LP and declaring that he has made his decision about rock.

So, are more souls saved besides Jeff's? What about his jerky friends? Are his mom and dad relieved? What about Pastor Jim? And what about you; would watching a film like R:IYD help make your mind up about what you should listen to?

Plain and simple, nothing as mundane and simple as this movie is going to make anyone change their music habits, if even to save their souls. Making decisions like that are based on personal decisions that require more than 52 minutes of time.

I think it's possible to believe in God and your religious beliefs no matter what kind of music you listen to. You can listen to rock, country, Frank Sinatra or Tibetan chants and be Satanic. Music is not the problem, you see - it's strength in your convictions that matter. But let's not climb up on the religious soapbox right now; we have other matters to discuss.

This movie is not one of those Christian propaganda films that'll make you want to renounce your crucifix. Rather, it is something that is kind of entertaining and funny in a bad movie way. It has moments of hysteria and outright Bible-quoting, which are par for the course in these instances. And in others, the acting is just right at the expected amateur level that makes you realize there are no professional actors in evidence.

In fact, lead Ty Taylor has the hardest part since his Jeff is on screen 98% of the time and has to convey all the trials and tribulations his character goes through in separating his love of AOR from his love of INRI. He tries, but even all the trying in the world cannot disguise the fact that it'll take more than trying to convey the fact that he is a tormented soul.

Rock: It's Your Decision is an exercise in religious altruism that equates renouncing Eighties rock with proclaiming Jesus as your Lord and Savior. For some people, that's not that hard of a decision to make. For others, though, that's the reason Olive's Film Productions released this to begin with.

It IS good for a chuckle, though, for the overwrought aspects, the generic rock that they play and the fact that no one has those stereos with the huge silver knobs anymore. Believe me, I've looked.

So seek ye out this movie, keep it in your heart and maketh thine own decision. Amen.