The Cannonball Run (1981)

In the history of motion pictures, we have witnessed many a fall from grace because of a particular actor's or director's constant and consistent running into the ground of a particular style or look that may have served them well in the past but, after seeing it repeatedly, soon loses its luster.

This has happened to Veronica Lake, to D.W. Griffith, to Eddie Murphy, to Allan Carr, to Irwin Allen, to Michael Cimino, to Regina Carrol, to Blake Edwards....

And it even happened to Burt Reynolds, a man who at one time was the top box office draw in the world with many money-making films under his rug...I mean, his belt. Yes, for the longest time Burt could do no wrong, though there were times when it seemed he was really trying to.

For a while he starred in some really good movies like Deliverance, The Longest Yard and the under-rated romantic comedy Starting Over. But he was also featured in some outright bottom-of-the-barrel junk such as Lucky Lady, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, Rent-A-Cop. But lest we forget the time period when he was in all of Hal Needham's films.

It all started innocently enough, with Reynolds' easy-going good-old-boy charm in films like White Lightning and Gator. But when Needham, a long-time acquaintance of his, voiced a desire to start directing and asked Reynolds to star, we all got 1978's Smokey and the Bandit for our troubles. It was a hit, and a formula was born: "Good Old Boy Runs Afoul Of The Law/Car Crash Movie".

Which brings us to The Cannonball Run.

This mixed the above formula we were used to (and witnessed ad nauseum in a million other flicks) with movies like Around the World in Eighty Days and It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. You know what I mean by that; these are movies which feature bit parts, cameos, walk-ons and if-you-blink-you'll-miss-them roles for just about every familiar/popular movie star of the moment.

They're called all-star extravaganzas. Among other things....

There's a difference in plot this time around with The Cannonball Run, since Hal Needham and company could not possibly come up with a plot to substantiate the inclusion of every huge actor and actress of the Eighties. This plot is clumped together out of the following: race champ J.J. McClure (Reynolds) teams with longtime pal Victor (Dom DeLuise) to enter an illegal cross-country race against the likes of a Jewish millionaire (Roger Moore) who thinks he's Roger Moore (because it's funny), womanizing old circuit driver Jamie Blake (Dean Martin), conniving con man Fenderbaum (Sammy Davis Jr.), a rich Arab oil sheik (Jamie Farr), two beautiful lady drivers (Adrienne Barbeau, Tara Buckman) whose strategy consists of unzipping their jumpsuits whenever pulled over, two good old boy hicks (Mel Tillis, Terry Bradshaw) and rich businessman/motorcycle-jumper-out-of-airplanes Bert Convy. Also along for the long and winding ride are photographer/tree enthusiast Farrah Fawcett, mad doctor (natch) Jack Elam, Peter Fonda as a Hells Angel (senior division), government safe-driving advocate George Furth, and a pre-mega-ultra-super-stardom Jackie Chan!

And I didn't even mention Valerie Perrine, Bob Tessier, Alfie Wise, John ("voice of Piglet") Fiedler, Bianca Jagger, Johnny Yune, Rick Aviles (the killer from Ghost. Remember?), Jimmy "The Greek" Snyder, Molly Picon, Norm Grabowski and I'll bet I missed one or two that I'll remember later.

Of course, growing up in the Eighties, I've a soft spot in my heart (and head) for Cannonball. The fast action, comic book-level intelligence, slick stunts and giddy fun of waiting to see who would pop up in a cameo next was great fun.

But as a movie? Well....

Needham started out as a stuntman, and that's where his strengths lay. The stunts are the most memorable part of this one. And there are muffed scenes by the carload, so to speak - many of the scenes set up the joke, but linger too long on the payoff or forget to have a payoff!

The story itself could have worked. Writer Brock Yates actually participated in the real-life "Cannonball" race before it was discontinued. There are some really fun characters and opportunities to milk big laughs out of people whose only loves are cars, racing and winning. Yet, the main focus time and again falls off the participants and goes instead to their cool cars and breakneck-speed stunts that no real personalities emerge. Just actors in roles. And speaking of which....

Reynolds phones his part in here, and he might as well have. He's played more interesting characters in movies like Gator and Semi-Tough. Here, he just drives fast, drinks beer and flashes his goofy smile every once in a while. Funny?

As his love interest, poor Farrah showed lot more personality in her talk show appearances, bless her heart. In fact, her main shtick is forgetting Mr. Foyt's (Furth's) last name. Funny?

And co-stars Martin and Moore fare little better; Martin parlays his soused butt-grabbing personality into a muted character that isn't half a interesting as the man playing him. And while Moore really had a chance to send up his Bond personae and his suave insouciance, he comes across as just a Roger Moore in a tuxedo. Funny?

Semi-funny story: Bond producer Cubby Broccoli is rumored to had been so incensed at Bond's being put on here that he forbade Moore - or any future Bonds - to wear a tux and/or pretend to be a spy in any future movies while under contract. Still, that didn't excuse A View To A Kill...or maybe that was Cubby's revenge for Cannonball?

In fact, the only one I thought did a good job was DeLuise. As a forever-insecure nebbish who only really comes out of his shell while pretending to be uber-hero Captain Chaos, he not only comes across as someone who actually has a personality to play off of, Dom is easily the most sympathetic one in the whole thing. Made me wish I was Captain Chaos.

Overall, though, it really isn't in a movie's favor when you go to all the trouble of making a comedy and the funniest thing about it is the series of outtakes they show during the end credits. Given, they're funny - but it's a shame they couldn't have let some of that infectious humor and giggling good spirit actually get in the film beforehand.

As it stands, The Cannonball Run serves more as a stopping point for anyone who was a teenager or lover of Burt Reynolds movies in 1981 for them to watch, file away and refer to later in life when they ask what was the biggest and most ungainly thing they had ever seen Burt Reynolds, fast cars and a caped Dom DeLuise star in.

My feeling; I liked The Cannonball Run but not because it was a good movie by any stretch. If anything, I liked it because it was (and still is) the stupidest thing I have ever seen and the fact that it had fast cars, female cleavage, dumb dialogue and a bunch of famous people running in all directions.

You know what's gonna happen; someone in Hollywood is going to stumble across this review and think that my fondness of things past necessitates the need for a reboot of the whole Cannonball Run series. Just know that I, personally, did not ask for one. Unless they could find a way to work in Burt's toupee.

And maybe if I could be Captain Chaos.