The Official Mecha-Blog-Zilla "Human Centipede" Post!

Hi kids; TheGreatWhiteDope here.

I've been hearing a lot about this thing called The Human Centipede. Apparently, it's all the rage and every movie blog worth its salt has been posting about it in one way or another.

Okay, so I was slow to get on the bandwagon but, now that I've hitched a ride, I got a big ol' sloppy bonus of a posting for you.

...Can ya guess what it is?

That's right; I had wrangled an exclusive interview about a month or so ago with the star of this ground-breaking movie.

A great big honking interview that has, apparently, scooped each and every other blogger in the world. And I got it.

I did.

Jealous?

Okay, enough jibba-jabba; allow me to introduce the subject of this posting...folks, meet Leonard Southwick: The Human Centipede.


Born in 1957 to a Swedish-American mother and a Chilopoda father, Mister Southwick spent most of his youth traveling from town to town, working as everything from a men's room attendant at the Russian Tea Room to a sideshow barker on Coney Island.

Though from an affluent family, Leonard never let it go to his head and took it upon himself to try all the flavor that life had to offer. It was only when he returned to California in the mid Eighties that his life took an unusual turn - or at least as unusual a turn as a half-man, half-centipede could experience in his lifetime.

And so here is my interview with Mister Southwick. Enjoy.

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TheGreatWhiteDope - Leonard, thank you so much for the interview.


The Human Centipede - My pleasure; thanks for having me.


TGWD - Okay, let's start with the obvious. Everyone's talking about your movie.


THC - Yeah, how about that? Never saw that coming, really.


TGWD - What's the deal, though? How did it all come about?


THC - Funny thing about that is I wasn't really part of it to begin with. Jeffrey Katzenberg is a good friend of the family; we're always getting together for cookouts and block parties - we're practically neighbors.

TGWD - Really?


THC - (nods) And we often talk about our respective jobs; I'm in pest control.


TGWD - Oh; isn't that a conflict of interest?


THC - Not really; mostly I take care of roaches, ants and termites. Hate those things.


TGWD - I see.


THC - Anyway, one Sunday we're coming out of synagogue and Jeffrey looks at me for awhile. Really stares at me, gives me the once over. I notice, then he pulls me aside and says to me, he says, "Lenny, you know...you've got a centipede's body".

TGWD - He never noticed before?


THC - (shrugs with first five rows of legs) It's like you live next to a guy for fifteen years and never really take a look at him. In all fairness, it took me four years to realize he was Jewish.

TGWD - So, after he noticed you were part centipede...


THC - Then he starts asking me all kinds of questions: Who are your parents? What was your childhood like? Did any kids try squishing you in seminary? is it a nightmare buying shoes or what? That kind of stuff.

TGWD - In-depth stuff.


THC - Completely. Felt like I was on "60 Minutes". Or Animal Planet. (laughs)


TGWD - Did he mention a movie right off?


THC - No. Well...he alluded to an idea he had back when he was with Disney and working on Lion King; it was his idea to tell the same story, only with wood grubs.

TGWD - No.


THC - Yeah. They put the kibosh on that when Eisner told him that people would rather see fuzzy expressive animals instead of insects with segmented eyes, antennae, pincers...feh, I grew up on that, and I was fine with it.

TGWD - You know, not to interrupt or anything, but I couldn't help but notice that Jeffrey Katzenberg isn't actually a part of this movie, is he?

THC - I'm gettin' to that. Anyway, after a few weeks talking about this, Jeffrey got a call about doing a movie about ogres - you know the ones...

TGWD - Yeah.


THC - And so he got busy with that, and passed the idea off to a friend of his, who tossed it around at a few meetings, word got around to some other studios...man that story idea got passed around to more studios than Jayne Mansfield.

TGWD - Heyy...


THC - Sorry. True, though.


TGWD - But it stopped somewhere.


THC - Oh yeah; then they called me, got my input and the whole thing was started up again, so there we are.

TGWD - Biggest thing in movies.


THC - Yep.


TGWD - So have you seen the finished product yet?


THC - (shakes head) I'm gonna be going to a screening in LA in a few days; kind of excited.


TGWD - I don't doubt it.


THC - One of the new producers said I shouldn't be surprised if a couple of liberties were taken with the story - my childhood, first marriage, the time I was a rabbi...

TGWD - Really?


THC - One of the best in Sherman Oaks; could perform 12 circumcisions at once. Had to quit, though...you wouldn't believe the anti-human/centipede bias in Sherman Oaks. Ridiculous.

TGWD - Well, let us know what happens with the screening.


THC - Will do.


TGWD - Thanks for the interview.


THC - My pleasure; thanks for the opportunity.


-----

Sadly, this was the last interview I or anyone else would have with Leonard Southwick.

Soon after he arrived in LA, he was squashed on the red carpet by an overzealous attendant at Grauman's Theater. Litigation is pending as of this writing.

My heart goes out to Mr. Southwick's wife and his now fatherless larvae. I will honor her wishes and allow her to grieve in peace with her children, both hatched and unhatched.

Please, go watch The Human Centipede and remember Leonard Southwick fondly.

He would have wanted it that way.

Dope out.

- TGWD