Tv Eye

This isn't a post to discuss the return of Vicki Coren's BBC4 quiz show Only Connect the other night (if Jenny Ryan isn't a contestant this series then I want my licence fee back) or comment on how Rob Breezy was right a year or so back after I made that post about Kate O'Mara when he said Stephanie Beacham was also another foxy GRAMF.

Hell, this isn't even a post to inform you that Lady Sovereign appeares to have regressed into me when I was 14 years old. This post here is just a little heads up to let you know that this coming saturday night - and you may need to sit down before reading the next part - Ice-T and his bird Coco are on ITV's All Star Mr & Mrs presented by Philip Schofield and Fern Britton.



Yup, you read that right, and isn't it great that race relations in America have now gotten to the point where the fake-tanned white chick is darker than her black boyfriend? Fuck Obama - Ice and Coco are the true face of progression, son.

Bar Doctor Who and TV Burp, saturday night tv is usually about as appealing to me as having WD40 sprayed directed into my jap's eye (a go-carting enthusiast kid I went to school with had this done to him on his birthday and was in so much pain he had to go to hospital to get his bellend cleaned), or having your eyeball impaled with a piece of jagged wood a la Zombie Flesh Eaters, but this might the one instance when it'll be worth missing a trip to Nando's and the cinema to vegitate in front of primetime ITV programming. If only it could've been Darlene instead, though. If only....

Ayo, Ice - give Schofield a dead arm, will you? Here at The Martorialist we've always hated that mugging twat ever since he ruined the end credits to every episode of Ulysses 31 and Round The Twist when they were on CBBC by singing over the top of them. Payback is due, Pip.

Ice-T - High Rollers