Your Fanboy Will Never Commit To You. EVER.

Okay, let's just say that the average fanboy has a girlfriend...

BWAAHHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

(ahem...)

I'm sorry.  I'll try again here; let's assume the average fanboy has...you know...a girlfriend.

Okay, if your neurons haven't imploded from that possibility, let us further suppose that fanboy's girlfriend (wow, that's hard to write) is ready for fanboy to present her with a ring and rent a tux, the whole deal.

There are SO many reasons that this is a possibility doomed from the beginning - save for the thinking that fanboy was able to find a girl who shared in his deep, unfathomable love for whatever it is that he has a fanboy fixation on.  Steve Carell and 40 Year-Old Virgin aside, it usually doesn't work.

And as a public service, here are just a few (a few, mind you) reasons that your fanboy will never commit to you. Ever.

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Those Leia slavegirls at last ComicCon were so coming onto him.

It would mean clearing off space in his bedroom and finding a new home for his Starlogs.

She looks at his Jason Voorhees mask with so much seething jealousy.

The other guys in the chat forum say he doesn't need to.

When he was at that big MMORPG thing in Detroit last year, she purposely put a huge 3/8' nick in his Daniel Radcliffe-autographed Nimbus 2000.

Even though she expects him to go antiquing with her every other Saturday, she refuses to go with him on one measly cross-country trip to meet William Shatner.

SOMEONE purposely arranged his "Mystery Science Theater 3000" tapes alphabetically instead of by season...and it wasn't him!

You can either be Team Edward or Team Jacob...not both.

Thunderbirds and Thundercats are not from the same universe...they can't possibly be  She may be messing on that one....

If she won't agree to a wedding cake with a miniature Buck Rogers and Wilma Deering on top, then she's not serious about this relationship.

He's argued with her several times a week that it's "Mach Go Go Go!", not "Go Speed Racer Go!", and she just refused to accept that he's right.

She wouldn't even sit through half of The Star Wars Holiday Special.

It's funny how his display shelf for all his Autobots are "somehow" being overrun with Hummels.

A honeymoon in Bronson Canyon would too be romantic!

She calls it her "New Vulcan Salute", he calls it "Being Flipped Off".

It's amazing how ticked off her parents got when he suggested "The Imperial Death March" for the processional.

Even after getting it for her last Christmas, she refuses to wear that R2D2 swimsuit to the pool.

She's probably going to want sex at some point and she doesn't appreciate that future zombie fighters have to remain pure.

He has to work when the muse is upon him, and this makes blogging at 3 in the morning perfectly acceptable.

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Whoa.  Better stop there; that last one hit a tad too close to home.

So for all of those girls out there hoping to snag that fanboy beau of yours...forget it.  Unless you look like one of these ladies...

...forget it.

Dope out.

- TGWD